Trauma Support Community Check-in: Saturday, 21st of November 2020
Hello everyone!
I hope you are staying safe and taking care of yourself and others. The main thing we have to do at this moment is to listen to doctors and be careful and patient. This will go away pretty soon and everything will be okay.
For today, I have just a simple question: Are you okay? How are you truly feeling?
Not just today, but in general. You can include this week, this month, or even the past couple of months/years.
I can say I am good. I am in general a very positive person and I always think about something good in every situation. Half of 2018, 2019 and 2020, have been like a rollercoaster for me. But, now, I feel stronger than ever. I don't have toxic people in my life, I don't get concerned when I hear some hate comment, I love myself and appreciate what I have. I help others, try to do the best I can in everything, do what I love and spread some positivity everywhere.
And just a little reminder for you. I made this for you, just to make sure you don't forget these things.
Elena XOXO
@elizabethunter
Today I'm feeling more hopeful than I have in quite a while. I have come to the decision to stop talking with my narcissistic parent, because as time goes on they become more critical and for some reason feel the need to make very cutting, hurtful remarks to me. I can no longer allow myself to be in a situation where I know I will be abused like that. I also finally wrapped my head around the fact that narcissistic abuse is real and that it has had a profoundly negative effect on my life. Now that I know what's going on I feel more empowered and I feel like I can move forward and keep myself safe. I'm going to be focusing on doing things that I enjoy and that make me happy.
@ShadesOfGrace
I am so glad you will do something nice for yourself. It does take courage to stop talking to someone. [DELETED uninentional Gaslighting ]. I dont want to give you any advice, since I dont know the situation you are in. And yes, narcssistic abuse is real... Thank you for answering and take care! ❤️
Edited by CaringBrit
@elizabethunter
Believe me, I've thought about it long and hard over the past year. The last two conversations we've had have really made me realize that I can't keep subjecting myself to this abuse. It's getting worse and when we talk (once every couple months or so) it takes me days and days to recover from the conversation. I say "conversation," but it's really just them talking and me listening. Aside from the cutting remarks, they also seem to think that it's appropriate to speak with me about subjects that are completely inappropriate, and coming from this parent, who I recall touching me inappropriately at least once when I was little, I've just had enough. They have never admitted that they have been wrong about anything, ever, so all I hear is how everyone is jealous of them because they've accomplished so much, and how anything bad that's happened is everyone else's fault but never theirs. I also don't think it's fair to my husband and our son who are affected by the negativity of the situation. They are both wonderful and help me through, but I don't want to waste our time like that any more. Life's too short and I want to enjoy my family rather than clean up the mess my parent leaves in their wake.
@ShadesOfGrace
Thank you for replying to my post. Now, when i have more clear view of your situation, I completely understand it. It is hard, and I love that you realized what is what and that now you want to give all of your attention to your son and husband. Its what they deserve. Take care!
@elizabethunter
This has been bothering me all week and I just have to say something. In your initial reply to me, when you said, "I would like to tell you to think twice, as the person who is narcssistic is your parent. They can be very rude and sometimes it seems they are against us, but they love us. I dont want to give you any advice, since I dont know the situation you are in," that got me terribly upset and angry. It was my understanding that Listeners, Mods, and Community Leaders were not supposed to tell members what to do nor were they to invalidate a member. I know that you had no way of knowing, as you even say in your comment that you don't know the situation I'm in, but when you told me that I should think twice because it's a parent and parents can be rude and it can seem like they're against us, but they love us, that is exactly the kind of gaslighting that I had experienced in my childhood. (If you're unfamiliar with that term, please look it up.) When my sister used to try and kill me - literally - and I would tell my parent that I hated her because of it, I was told that I didn't hate my sister, but that I loved my sister simply because she was my sister. No child should be treated that way. So, when you unwittingly did the same thing, basically telling me that I shouldn't go no contact with my parent because he's my parent and he loves me, I was triggered pretty bad. Just because someone is a parent does not mean that they love their child.
All of that to say that I would truly caution you, especially when interacting with people who have experienced trauma, to think long and hard before you respond. None of us know what another has gone through, and we don't know how something we say, even if it's meant in all innocence, might trigger or affect someone else. Unfortunately many people have suffered horrific trauma at the hands of their parent/parents, and we simply cannot know that unless they have the courage to speak out about it. And if they do have the courage to speak out about it, then it is our responsibility to support them and do everything we can to validate their experience and their feelings. Far too many live a lifetime harboring guilt and shame because of abusive parents. We truly need to make sure that this is at least one place where a person can safely share, to begin healing, and not feel that they have to remain on guard because they might get knocked down again.
Thank you so much for taking the time to listen.
Today is my birthday
I have been isolating as my daughter had tested positive for the virus and I have been taking precautions and still today I am having symptoms. I went to get tested and am waiting for my results. Waiting on my family risking my own safety and no one thought to say Happy Birthday really sucks. I have felt really bad physically today. Feaver, chills, and my whole body is aching. I feel so. taken advantage of. Now they still wait for me to cook dinner no matter how sick I feel. Angry my 
horns are about ready to attack,
@scarletPear1945
This just shouts mom-problems. I do understand you even though I am a 17 year old girl who just doesnt clean or cook (i just dont know how to, but i do help my mom sometimes). And it is very hard being sick and having to do chores. Maybe trying telling them somehow how you feel and that you are too sick for anything? Dinner or lunch doesnt have to be anything special, maybe couple of days eating out cant damage anyone. Thank you for answering and I am praying for your health. Everything will be fine even though it doesnt look like it now. ❤️
@elizabethunter
Thank you my dear that was a sweet reply
@scarletPear1945
And yes, of course:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY! 🎂🎉
@elizabethunter
Thank you, so much
@scarletPear1945
Happy Birthday. Hope your day gets better.
@RedHawk6547
Thank you
@scarletPear1945
Happy Birthday! Remember that you are a valued member of our community, that you are loved, and to take care of yourself. May you be safe, healthy, happy, and at peace.
@honestpanda81
I really do appreciate those kind words Panda. It is sometimes easy to forget that maybe someone cares. It is getting close to the holidays and I struggle a lot with being accepted and that I have no support system except here at 7cups.. I feel kind of unhappy that my daughter and husband do not realize that I am the most vulnerable to this virus I take care of them and now I am experiencing feeling trapped because I love my symptoms. I don't want to sound like I am selfish, but I cannot get down with this virus. I have to many health issues myself, but I am feeling trapped in how best to take care of them and also keep myself safe. But now I got it because I have been taking care of them and I am feeling very resentful. Praying I don't get the bad version of this Covid. Maybe I am wrong for feeling this way, maybe I am to sacrifice my life for my family.
@scarletPear1945
Your needs matter too, you are just as much of a person as your daughter and husband are. Please rest assured that your feelings are completely valid, I would feel the same if I were in your situation.
You deserve to be able to take care of yourself. Right now, it sounds like you and your family have placed a lot of responsiblity on your shoulders, but please remember that you are your own person and you get to choose how you want to help them.
Maybe we can't control how badly you'll be affect by covid, or how much your daughter and husband care, but are there things you can do for yourself? Maybe take a break, do something you enjoy, or relax for a moment? Reach out to someone who might be able to help you in some way?
Take care, my friend, and remember that we're here for you. We're honoured to be your support system
@honestpanda81
Thank you,
Many safe hugs
@elizabethunter
Ima okish overall, trying to hang tough!
Thx for the check in, hang tough stay pawsome
Ur friend 🔥
@Fireskye13
Thanks for answering this question! Take care!
@elizabethunter This past week on Monday I had a therapy appointment and we talked about my toxic family. I'm taking my meds for nightmares and it helps a little, but I'm going to ask my doctor for an increase. Unfortunately my next appointment with my psychiatrist isn't until December 24th. I'm taking my homoepathic remedy every night, but it takes several weeks for it to kick in. I'm starting to feel a little better, but have a long ways to go. My sister Kathryn totally invalidates any abuse I experienced, but on the other hand she's one of my biggest supporters. I'm sort of getting burned out on watching psychology videos on the internet since it seems like most of them are about romance, which isn't my issue. Maybe I can spend the time reading poetry as part of my therapy. My biggest problem is my toxic family. I had mental abuse by my sister as a little child, as well as other forms of abuse. I almost called child protective services once but without any forensic evidence it wasn't going to go anywhere.
@Regmo
I am so happy that you are so strong to talk about this. I am so happy that you reached for help. I am so happy that you are seeing your therapist and I am so happy you feel at least a little bit better. Its a long and exhausting path, but I know for the fact that you will get through it. Thank you for answering and take care!
For today, I have just a simple question: Are you okay? How are you truly feeling?
This is a very complicated question to me. I do not feel good.
I have been on a very bumpy road since 2009 and my car has no seatbelt (figuratively speaking). Since then both grandmas have died, my father's side of the family has shunned him, me and my siblings (my first stepmother is a lying wicked gossip as turned our family against each other, but my dad is blaming her mental illness. She has depression, but she majored in psychology in college and knows how to blackmail and manipulate others. It's scary and sad. She cheated on my dad several times and still plays the victim card. My dad is so broken from it, he has no fight left and my second stepmom is there to pick up the pieces.)
My mom and brother and I live together. No one has privacy. I have a lot of health issues, but my current doctor keep taking my meds away.
This virus scares me, so far everyone is negative, but I'm afraid I'm going to lose all of my loved ones to this virus.
I had to bury my ex to cancer in 2017.
I just cannot shake my negative feelings.
@Rebekahwriter13
You truly do have a lot of things on your plate. It is very sad that you lost your grandmas and I am so sorry for that. Manipulative people are the worst. If she did all of it, she is one of the hell manipulator. Its sad that she is using her depression to explain her mistakes. I cant imagine how your father feels. The main thing and the only thing you can do is: STAY POSITIVE. It sounds hard and it is. But, I believe in you. Stay close with your family and take care! I know that what i said now maybe wont help you at all, but you will get through this rough time. It can only get better. Thank you for answering and take care!!!
@elizabethunter Thank you for this checkin ❤️
I have been feeling upset lately and finding it hard to describe. I had upsetting auditory hallucinations which I am trying to move on from
@hillsideblues
I am so sorry to hear that you are struggling and going through hard time. But, you will get through it. Stay positive, take care and thank you for answering this question!
2020 has been much more difficult than I had hoped or expected it to be. That's life, I guess. School was super stressful and really messed with my self esteem. Somehow, I retraumatised myself by remembering what happened about a decade ago. Plus, covid means long days at home without a healthy social life of any sort. It's been rough, but I'm going to keep going. Time makes everything easier
@honestpanda81
Yes, it's true. I think it's very hard what you are going through now, but it's great you have a positive point of view. Thank you for answering and take care!
@elizabethunter
Are you okay? I'm great and I can say that with complete honesty because I've made so many accomplishments this week that I'm proud of myself for. So, this week has been the best week of the year by far. I feel relaxed, refreshed, and I feel better than I was last week.
How are you truly feeling? I'm truly feeling relieved, I'm feeling relieved because I've completed everything I had to do for this week in a timely manner and I didn't procrastinate which I always do!
@Kenn13chan
Wow, that's awesome! I am happy you feel so positive and relaxed! Thank you for answering nd take care!
Tbh I'm not doing well. I've had some serious relationship snags, including a partner relapsing into porn, said partner backpedaling on commitment and claiming they felt pressured by me (after talking nonstop to me for weeks about wanting marriage, how is that me pressuring them???), And a friend cutting me from his life because of a toxic partner. And a stressful deadline in school.
But the positive thing is that the semester is almost over and my partner and I have talked things out and come to more understanding.
@LunaKisses95
Thats awesome! You started off with some very negative situations and ended with clearing things out. Thats absolutely incredible. Thank you for answering this question and take care!
@elizabethunter
Thank you
@scarletPear1945
❤️