Traumatic Experiences Community Check-In: March 28th, 2020

@PeppermintStar0912 Hey there!

Nothing is really particularly upsetting me, but I have been feeling a little anxious which can be tough. A lot of nightmares recently.

I am personally not the biggest risk-taker as it gives me a lot of anxiety. However, I deeply respect all those adventurous people out there.

My most unhealthy habit is believing things without looking at the facts, so I get upset pretty easily.

Have a great weekend everyone! You are all beautiful, much love.

I prefer not to answer today, I may come back later on, but I wanted to thank you for this check-in @PeppermintStar0912. Your questions help and guide me to reflect

Anything bothering me? I can't stop picking my skin, i look like a reverse amanita muscaria mushroom. Wait what? Where did I get this from? Lol. Another little thing that triggered my obsession with being a burden and impostor syndrome over how valuable I am: Celtic revival whatsapp group, someone wanted to know me personally and wrote me in private because they thought I was "intelligent and knew a lot of stuff (don't remember the word in English)". So I answered, maybe with too much enthusiasm? I told them how I met the druid and joined the group, that I am 24 and sent a pic of my aunt's cat because she came to cuddle and was too cute. Then I asked how long they hade been with the Celtic revival group. No answer. It's been half a day. Did I ruin everything already? Did she find out that I'm too talkative? Childish? Boring? Not so smart after all? Did I seem like a narc that likes to talk about herself? Did I give too much informations she didn't ask for? AAAAARGH! She answered the group but didn't answer me! How could I possibly ruin everything in 5 minutes?!

Ugh, I don't remember the second question

What's my most unhealthy habit? Currently... Might be sitting in awkward positions, surely damaging my spine. I don't drink alcohol, nor caffeine, I don't smoke, but I do pick my skin. And I tend to eat unhealthy sometimes, but not as much. I wake up to cuddle the cat, I spoil her too much. But she's so old and has lived her whole life with a woman who had no idea a cat could even get bored and never played with her, payed little attention to her health, didn't open her the door to allow her to sunbath in the balcony, cuddled her only when she felt like it, and if the cat didn't want she forced her... I'll spoil the poor creature rotten. Even if it means waking up at night if she asks for confort cuddles because she just threw up, giving up on a full night of sleep. I have unhealthy patterns of thinking also. A lot of them. I could sell them them and make real money, but I rather trying to change them for the better.

@PeppermintStar0912

1. Is there anything upsetting you or bothering you today?

I've been having a really hard time sleeping the last 4 months ever since I was cut from the basketball team. I know I sound totally ridiculous and childish, but I'm being totally honest here - the whole thing affected me a whole lot more than I'd realized. My parents never gave me the chance to express the way I felt and told me to suck it up back then. Anyway! That isn't the point. I've been having trouble sleeping and nightmares and would wake up really tired and barely get through the day. So I started drinking coffee. Not too much, just one cup a day. It helped a little bit, so I kinda got into that habit. I told my mom about the whole thing and her response was: "You teenagers are just attention seekers. Maybe stop texting until 3 am and guess what? You won't be tired. Magic, right?" So I explained that I don't stay up past midnight, ever, and would sometimes lay in bed for hours unable to sleep. And also the nightmares. Even if my phone isn't in the room. She didn't respond. Tonight me and her got into an argument about the coffee and she said I'm immature and irresponsible. I said "You don't understand. I'm struggling, and I didn't keep that from you. If you can give me a better option, please do. I'm listening." She told me the same thing about texting. And I really, really tried to be respectful and not lose my temper. Eventually though me and her got into an argument and I said "All you care about is this image you see of me! You don't care about how I feel, you just want to be able to say you raised a perfect son. I try to give you an opening and every single time you slam the door in my face. Maybe I shouldn't be giving you the chance." And now I just feel ashamed of myself. I meant every single word I said. But maybe I really am immature and irresponsible, after all.

2. How do you feel about taking risks?

I'm a huge risk taker! :) I try not to take risks that are just plain stupid that I know are pointless and lead to trouble (texting while driving, not wearing a helmet when biking, experimenting with drugs, etc) but if I know something is a healthy risk and it's worth taking, you bet I'll do it! At this point I've lost count of how many times I failed and I'm still a believer in taking chances. Every single time I think "This time is different. This time I'm going to make it." Except for one thing. But that's a different story. I'm one of those people who believe the only way to fail is not to try at all. Always have been.

3. What is your most unhealthy habit?

Butting into conversations. I don't do it on purpose, it just happens. I really don't mean to be rude, but sometimes I do it and don't realize it until someone corrects me.