Traumatic Experiences Community Check In - Tuesday May 30th 2017
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@Avaray @vriska44 @Shadeshack @BeeLeigh @Faeryschild @dancingRainbow45 @Lavendermoonlight @KLM3278 @sujaypai
@sweetMelody95 @jr50 @agreeableKite4304 @PhoenixPatronus @Morfo66 @themainjane @raycascotch
@KatieMoon1 @conscientiousPineapple1782 @Tamba @inventiveOrange1 @Jenna0903 @melliotm @PanamaBanana
@AutumnLeigh @DeborahUK @PuppyLove13 @KristenHR @BradyChay2310 @HearingYourHeart @vriska @TreesandWine
@guyb @chayil @Sharkradio @MKjart @AnnaKateMillerLCSW
@DeborahUK
Flippin' Fantasterific!!!! 👍😀👍 I'm feeling like a gazillion (yes, I'm aware that's not an actual number) bucks!!! 💛💙💜💚❤ Why? No real reason. Life is just freaking amazing and every little blessing freaking counts!! So, yeah... Carry on. 😂😂 I'll stop disrupting the peace. 😂😂
@Chayil Woke up on the right side of the bed I gather? 🐉🐉🐉😎😁
@melliotm
I took over the bed!!! It had nothing on me; nothing whatsoever!
😬😬😬😬 Grrrr 😬😬😬😬
🐉🐉🐉
Not gone to work to avoid facing a meeting unfortunatley scheduled in maternity. Too ashamed to tell them why im not in and now feel worse than useless.
Failing at fighting this
@inventiveOrange1
❤💚💜💙💛 Awe man... I REALLY wish I could go ➡poof⬅and take away everything. ❤💚💜💙💛
@inventiveOrange1
I'm concerned for you. I know you're not going to feel wonderful right now but I wonder what might could help you feel better?
I've found that the right medication helps keep the worst of the blues away altho I've fought it thru the years. I try to remind myself that when one has a chemical imbalance (which I do) it's only logical to combat it with medicine as part of the arsenal.
At any rate, I know you know these things. You are under so much right now but I believe in you and your ability to find happiness and peace in the long run.
@themainjane
I believe in better living through chemistry, if the brain is off balance and medication works, what's the shame in that. It does help take the edge off and also helps ground me when anxiety, hypervigilance and startle responses are high.
I feel pretty good. Idk how I feel about therapy tonight but I feel pretty good in general right now.
@BeeLeigh
❤💚💜💙💛 Glad you're feeling good! ❤💚💜💙💛
@BeeLeigh
How was therapy? ☺💙
@Chayil
Therapy's at 5:30 CST, so, in about two hours.
@Chayil
It was okay. I'm tired. I was practically laying down and falling asleep in the chair. We talked about some stuff but we didn't talk about much today. Because I was practically falling asleep in the chair. Four day weekends are a terrible idea :P
@BeeLeigh
Thanks for the update!! No one wants to do much after those. I don't blame you ☺
I'm glad you went, even if you were falling asleep. 😁
@Chayil
I always go. I don't have any friends here so she's the only person I get to talk to that isn't a coworker or family member. I also work alone most days and don't see my family super often even though they live across the street. So, it's nice to see her every week.
@BeeLeigh its great you have such a great relationship with your therapist!
@AnnaKateMillerLCSW
Yeah, I like her :)
I have a very busy day- starting with meeting with two small pueblas for the free art classes.
Had nightmares last night and didn't sleep well. I feel shakey and having a hard time concentrating. I need to head out the door now. Hopefully some bouncy music in the car can help me center myself.
@MKJart
😮😮😮😮 Did someone say bouncy music?! I'm SO THERE!!! Hey...hey....hey... I'm crashing the party! That's okay... It's ooookaaay. 😎😎😎😎
All jokes aside... Sorry you've had such a hard night and morning. I hope the art class is stupendously awesomeristic and raises your spirits. Huge hug ❤💚💜💙💛
@MKJart Rock and Roll baby! (That might age me some. lol) Music is such a great way to "shake off" a hard night. I hope the rest of your day was awesome!
@AnnaKateMillerLCSW
Thank you
@MKJart
How did the day go?
@themainjane
Thanks for asking Jane. It was an OK day. The music did help shake some of the ickiness off. My first group of teachers didn't show up until i had already left, 45 min after we were supposed to meet. I rescheduled them for Thurs morning. The second location chose their projects and I do the teacher training for a new teacher will be on Thurs afternoon. I had a physio massage on my leg- those always hurt, but I know they are necessary.
Lastly I had a first Skype session with a new therapist after I let my current one know that it's not working (Little anxiety provoking. I felt it went well. I'll try a few more times before I make a decision one way or the other. We will be doing EMDR via Skype since there are no practitioners that speak English near me. It makes me nervous to do it online, but she has over 8 years experience performing EMDR online and hasn't lost a patient yet. I think I'm in good hands, now to build the trust part.
So. Many. Dreams.
One of those nights where my subconscious was so overactive that it didn't really feel like I even slept (though I know full well that I did). Have a few errands to run today, which means leaving the house and interacting with the outside world. 🏡Erk.
Not gonna get ahead of myself.
One tiny step at a time...
😁😎
@melliotm I hope you had a good day. Any step is good!
@melliotm
I'm glad I'm not the only one here who struggles with "the outside world."
If I'm reading you right you have difficulty getting yourself to leave the house?
I'm ashamed at how debilitating it is and I want to find a way out of the thinking that keeps me from venturing outside.
Today was a good day. Went outside. Spent time with family again since it was the last day sis and baby in town. Saw some wildlife.
@themainjane Yes, I have trouble leaving the house. It sucks, but I try not to beat myself up over it. Not easy sometimes. Trust me, you aren't alone in this struggle. It's hard not to give the inner critic a megaphone sometimes.
So glad to hear that you had a good day today, Jane!
Hey everyone,
Just a heads up that I'm only continuing with this service through the 20th of June before charged again. I've decided to explore some Skype sessions to try and connect with someone face to face. Body language is important to me in understanding others and chat is not working out for me with a therapist. I'm having a first try with someone that does video sessions this evening and will let you know how it goes.
I'll be active until I discontinue my services on the 20th. I share this because when people leave suddenly it effects my feelings of safety and trust. For me, it's easier to know when someone is not going to be around after a certain time.
@MKJart
I just found out that the rest of the site is free if I just cancel the therapy part. That's good news. I won't be leaving this group afterall. Sorry for the misinformation.
Ok. Radical vulnerability time folks. Looks like @chayil is taking some self care time off. She has been my primary listener recently, but I didn't get to read the last message that she had sent me (which I assume was notice that she was taking a break) before she turned off her listener account. 😧😧Abandonment trauma is now seriously triggered,. fighting irrational thoughts of panic, assuming the very worst.
Despite my best efforts to stay grounded, the uncertainty (what was in that last message???) has lead to me to personalizing (it's all my fault, I must have said something wrong that drove her away etc etc etc) and generally freaking out. Trust issues are a major issueb with me, and it just seems like every time I finally do let my guard down, and start to feel like I can open up, the universe has to cruelly remind me that I don't deserve any comfort or understanding (or certainty -- I just wish I'd read that damn message in time 😧😧😧)
Help?
Oh, @agreeableKite4304. Giphy.com is where you find the animated GIFS that I post here. Just post them the same way you would post a regular static image. :)
@melliotm
Did you see the thread @BeeLeigh just tagged you into? That unknown post is almost certainly Chayil. Be back in a few days from what she wrote there. Hang in there friend. I know from past experience how unsettling it is when a listener you've formed a bond with disappears from the site. But it does sound like it's a short term absence only on this occasion.
Now, this blanket fort that you and Kite are sharing. Any room for a little one?
@DeborahUK Thanks, Deb. I am feeling much better now that I've had a chance to munch Kite's snacks and look at some cute animals.
And of course, there's always room in the blanket bunker for anyone who needs a little sanctuary. C'mon in :)
@DeborahUK This week has been rough. Just heavy depression. I relapsed on cutting and have been feeling the effects of my PTSD. I'm feeling pretty drained. So. .. It's been rough.
