Traumatic Experiences Community Check-In Wednesday-Thursday 29-30 July 2020
Good morning everyone! The topic for our check-in today will be guilt and how it is related to trauma. Guilt often develops after trauma is experienced. Guilt in relation to trauma refers to the feeling of regret which stems from the belief that an individual could have or should have done something different at the time a traumatic event occurred. Feeling guilt after the experience of a traumatic event is serious, as it has been linked to a number of negative consequences. This guilt has been linked with depression, shame, social anxiety, low self-esteem, and thoughts of suicide. Feeling a lot of guilt has also been connected to the development of PTSD.
A survivor of rape might feel guilty about not fighting back or doing more to prevent the assault from happening. That same rape survivor may feel like they should have seen their attack coming, even though it was impossible to predict that the assault would occur. A veteran may regret not going back into a combat zone to save a fallen soldier. The same combat veteran may think to themselves that they should have done something different to prevent the death of a fellow soldier, even though the event likely was completely out of their control.
Trauma survivors may also experience what is called survivor guilt. Survivor guilt is experienced when an individual has made it through a traumatic event while others have not. An individual may often question why they survived while others did not. They might even blame themselves for surviving the traumatic event almost as if they feel that they themselves did something wrong. Exposure to combat, physical abuse, sexual abuse, and the loss of a loved one have each been found to be associated with the experience of trauma related guilt.
Guilt related to trauma can sometimes be treated with cognitive behavioral therapy and may originate in how one thinks or interprets a situation. Cognitive behavioral therapy for trauma-related guilt would focus on helping people become more aware of the thoughts or beliefs underlying their feelings of guilt. The therapist would then help the person come up with more realistic interpretations of the situation. By reducing guilt, cognitive behavioral therapy may also help increase self-compassion and acceptance.
Another approach to dealing with these thoughts of regret is to ask oneself questions to explore a regretful situation. An example of what questions to ask would be:
Could I have acted any differently considering the stage I was at in my life and the information or experiences I had until that point in my life?
Was there anything I did right in the situation which I regret so much?
Is there anything I can do now that will make any difference about how I think and feel about a situation I regret?
In asking these three questions an individual will likely realize that they did what any person in their shoes would have done given their background, circumstances, and the information they had. This may also help the individual take some corrective actions with regard to what theyve regretted for such a long time, like expressing their regret to someone they have hurt. It can also make them reconsider their current choices and take actions towards goals they regret not having moved towards sooner.
I will ask the following questions in relation to the topic before ending this check-in. Keep in mind these questions are optional.
1. How are you feeling today?
2. Have you ever experienced guilt in relation to trauma?
3. What topic would you like for me to cover in a future check-in?
Guilt is a very difficult topic for myself in particular as I often find myself asking if I could have done more in a given situation. Upon serious reflection I have come to terms with it over time and accepted that I did what I could under the given circumstances. Trauma is not easy to accept and overcome and we will all find our own methods towards getting to that place we desire to be. I do hope we all get there in time.
As always I want to wish you all a greater today than yesterday in hopes of a better and brighter tomorrow my friends!!!
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@Understandingempath
Thank you for this very important post. Guilt has been the hardest thing for me to overcome with my trauma, but necessary to be able to move on and feel better. Guilt is a heavy burden and letting go helped me to heal.
1. How are you feeling today?
I'm doing okay so far but didn't sleep well so I'm a bit tired and have a lingering headache. Other than that I'm enjoying my final week of vacation.
2. Have you ever experienced guilt in relation to trauma?
To deal with feeling guilt was my final piece of the puzzle to be able to start heal from my trauma. I was only 13 when it happened but supressed and blocked the memories. When it started coming back I had a very heavy burden of guilt to carry around.
I did CBT, it helped for the time being but the guilt always came back "eating me up" from the inside. I knew intellectually I had done nothing wrong, I couldn't have done anything to prevent what happened, I did what I had to do in order to survive. I knew I did nothing wrong but I didn't feel it in my heart.
Finally I got to do EMDR therapy and thay was life changing for me. I had to reprocess all memories of the trauma and the guilt. Look at it from an adult point of view, not as a child. I was able to forgive myself for dealing with it the way I did (basically I just kept quiet) and finally I came to the point where I said. "It's okay now, it's time to go on". That's where I could finally start healing and let it go.
3. What topic would you like for me to cover in a future check-in?
Maybe panic-attacks would be a topic to cover.
Take care everyone!
@spectacularSunrise7824
I'm glad you've been able to let go. Such a task can be extremely difficult. I do hope you're having an awesome vacation. Sorry to hear you've been plagued with headaches and a lack of sleep. It seems therapy was really enlightening and helpful for you and thats very good to hear. It can be incredibly difficult processing these memories and it truly does help to see things from a more adult perspective if the event happened as a child. I will do a future check-in to discuss panic attacks. Thank you for your input it is much appreciated. Thanks again for participating in this check in and I hope you have a wonderful rest of your day my friend!
@Understandingempath
Hi! I really appreciate these check-ins. They're extremely helpful and genuinely needed. I'm almost in tears typing this because I've been having such a hard time lately but prayer and the dire need for just contentment have gotten me through.
1. I'm okay so far. Feeling a bit gloomy though. Like I need to cry or scream but I can't.
2. I was recently going through survivors guilt. I felt as if I didn't deserve to live through some of the things that I did.
3. Im not really sure if I have any suggestions :/ but you touch every topic you do flawlessly! Thank you so much for that.
@CoolBeans29
I'm really glad you enjoy these check-ins! I am very sorry you have struggling though. I do hope your day gets brighter and better and that you feel a little less gloomy. I'm glad to know you are alive today and I hope in time you'll feel the same. I'll do my best to keep these topics in depth and as informative and welcoming as possible. I know the content can be a bit much at times as this subject really hits home with me personally, but I do this to help all of us better understand the emotions we experience in hopes we can process those emotions in a positive and healthy manner. Thank you so much for participating in this check in my friend!
@Understandingempath Hey - How are you?
I'm - tired. Had some issues with sleeping last night. Anxiety is high today. Hands are shaky and I have a headache. Some is probably from pushing it too hard outside in the heat and less sleep then usual. Dissociation has been an issue
Um - I've been told that I'm an inconvenience - unwanted. That if it wouldn't have been for me - this would have been or that would have been. I feel guilty for messing up their lives. I feel guilty - for being alive and the space I take up. I feel guilty about taking up peoples time - wasting their time when they could be using it for someone more - deserving or using their time for something more enjoyable. I feel guilty because I seem to have made my family so miserable that they still hate me. That they still agree that she did the best she could for such a problem kid. So I feel guilty about that because I should have been a better kid I guess. Sometimes I feel guilty for how I think and feel about them. I feel guilty sometimes because people think I'm a nice guy and I really don't think I am. It's like I have everyone fooled - that if they get too close - I'll only end up hurting them - There's a mountain of guilt - tbh
Thank you for the checkin - and for listening
I hope you have a good day - Take care
*J*
@mytwistedsoul
Sorry to hear you have been struggling so much with sleep. I do hope the headaches go away and you are eventually able to get some much needed rest. The heat is brutal these days. I don't think I've experienced a single day this month that wasn't in the nineties. Your presence here in the forum is always much appreciated and I do hope the hurtful words and actions of others don't truly make you think so poorly of yourself. We all have the capacity to be greater than what others say about us. Its hard though to overcome that when its the people closest to us that say such hurtful things. I do hope you see your self worth in a more positive light over time. Thank you so much for participating in this check in and I do hope you have a great rest of your day!
@Understandingempath Thank you
@Understandingempath
1. How are you feeling today?
I'm doing pretty good! I'm starting 9th grade at a new school in three weeks, so I'm a little nervous. What makes it worse is that I failed freshman year this year and I'm worried that the kids at my new school will somehow find out and think I'm stupid.
2. Have you ever experienced guilt in relation to trauma?
Definitely! My biological parents had me when they were both 17 and they always told me that I'm a mistake, which led me to feel guilty about being a burden to them.
3. What topic would you like for me to cover in a future check-in?
How to stop feeling like a failure when you grew up in an abusive home and been taught to believe you are a failure.
@CadenSparkman
I do hope you enjoy the environment at your new school my friend! Change can often be a wonderful thing and it does not mean you are less intelligent than anyone else because you were held back a grade. Many factors contribute to such things. As long as we never give up and try our best theres very little that we cannot do. I'm sorry you feel you are a mistake. So many of us feel this way and I'm a firm believer that there are no mistakes only happy accidents. Theres no need to feel guilty for being here, we're very glad to have you. I will definitely do a future post on failure. So often we focus on our failures without giving much thought to our successes in life and thats truly a shame. I'm sorry to hear you've had to endure such abuse and I do hope you come to see your true value in this world. Thank you so much for participating in this check-in and I hope to see more from you in the future!
1. How are you feeling today?
Today. I am feeling kind of all over. I had very little energy throughout the day. Like I literally locked my office door and took a nap on the floor because I couldn't handle facing having to start work for the day. I felt a lot of anger without a clear source. I felt helplessness due to some life situations that I do not know how to change. I also felt paranoid and scared, but not sure about what exactly. I was feeling "crazy today". Currently, I feel a bit calmer, but still on edge because I feel like my space at home isn't being respected and so it makes me feel unsafe. I also feel sad because I am lonely. It's a hard time of year for me. The anniversary of my rape is next week and the anniversary of my suicide attempt is also coming up soon as well as my birthday and these are all events that make me very emotional.
2. Have you ever experienced guilt in relation to trauma?
All the time. I experience guilt about my childhood abuse as well as my rape. The guilt is based around feeling like I let it happen because I froze and didnt fight back either physically or verbally. Never seemed to stand up for myself. I know this is not what I am supposed to believe and of course I would tell others that it is in no way their fault, and yet, my heart can't seem to hear it. Always feel like there is more I could have done.
3. What topic would you like for me to cover in a future check-in?
I honestly don't know. I just go along with whatever comes up. They are always good topics that get me thinking.
@zeravat119
I'm very sorry to hear that this time of year is so tough for you. I can understand not feeling up for the work day though I don't believe I've gone so far as to lock the office door and take a nap. I do hope you are alright. Nobody wants to have their space invaded or disrespected especially at home. It can be difficult coping with loneliness and most days I cope by simply coming on here and talking to all of you. Many of us feel that there was more we could have done. I felt that way for many years until I addressed these thoughts in group therapy. Validation from the rest of the group did wonders for me. It answered all of these questions I ran through my mind. Things that I would dwell on but just couldn't get past because I didn't have the feedback of a collective group. I won't say to seek therapy but it may be an avenue worth venturing down. I want to thank you so much for participating in the check-in today. It's nice seeing you in the forum.
@Understandingempath Hi I am doing well today. I have experianced guilt and shame after flashbacks and nightmares.Fortunatly after many years of suffering I was able to find a therapist who was able to help me with this problem.I still get flashbacks but am able to tolerate them without all the guilt and shame. Thanks for all that you do.
@adventurousBranch3786
I am very glad to hear you are doing well today. I am sorry you experience shame and guilt however its awesome that therapy has worked so well for you. I can only hope you continue making great strides in your recovery. Thank you so much for participating in this check-in and I do hope you continue to have a wonderful day!
