Traumatic Experiences Community Check-in: September 6th
Hi Trauma Team,
I know that this has been an incredibly difficult and upsetting time for your team. At this time, the best course of action is to start fresh and rebuild this community that means so much to many of you. The focus has always been - and will continue to be- on supporting members who have gone through traumatic experiences.
With this in mind, I want to check in with you on how youre feeling and how we can best support members of the trauma community moving forward.
- On a scale of 1-10, how are you feeling today?
- What is something we can do to support you today and help you feel safe and heard in this space?
- What is one goal you have for the Trauma Community moving forward?
- What would you like to see in the Trauma Community? Check-ins, discussions, open chat, more icebreaker posts, etc.
@Laura @courteousNorth5140 @LifeIsMyCanvas @PurpleHeart16 @RumpleSteeleSkin
@Kate
I don't usually post but.......
This is almost unbelievable. That now, after all the weeks of ignoring this community, being noticeably absent from giving ANY support or apology, or any communication here to reassure etc. Of working behind the scenes to break the team. You now write this. It would be laughable if not so tragic ☹️ I know that now people want to move forward and rebuild, but I think it's important that you and other admin a) really recognise how deep the effects of your actions go and b) prove that you recognise this and have learned from it.
The people here are REAL, and the actions of admin have had very real effects on many many members, listeners and leaders .REAL, devastating and terrible effects on mental health. Re-traumatising in truly awful ways. You obviously have absolutely NO understanding of trauma and how to avoid hurting those dealing with its' consequences.
You still haven't apologised - admitting fault on both sides is not an apology. And, honestly, as admin, yourself and @Laura have a very genuine duty of care to support all users here. If difficulties arise you have a duty to deal with these in a caring, supportive, non aggressive manner .I see people saying they are hurt, that trust has been shattered. I think you need to know and appreciate just how badly this whole thing has been handled - in the end, what mattered was not so much who was right or wrong but how you dealt with it.
You haven't just hurt people's feelings. You have affected people's mental health - in some cases very badly. Team members in particular, and they will take a long time to recover. For a space purporting to support, causing such damage, re-traumatising and undoing hard won healing - it's just appalling.
What would I like to see? A genuine, heartfelt apology to everyone who has been affected. And for those who will be unable to see it because they are no longer here, the same by email.
Without accepting your responsibility for this, no-one can trust that any lessons have been learned and that this can ever truly be a safe space again.
I suspect, on previous form, this will be edited or even removed. And you can block my account because I no longer trust this site and will not remain.
@rationalOcean9946
Thank you for your feedback. I would like to professionally disagree with your statement that I obviously have no understanding of trauma. On 7 Cups, we make a point to not invalidate others' experiences and not assume we know their story. Thank you again for your feedback but please be mindful of not invalidating the experiences others in this community may have.
@Kate
If you do indeed have some understanding of trauma then it's even more unforgiveable that you have treated trauma survivors in ways that any trauma professional would say is highly damaging.
As for invalidating others experience - that is exactly what you and your admin team have done here so you have broken the ''rules' yourself.
It is the total lack of insight, concern or apology that shows nothing is likely to change and makes this site unsafe.
@rationalOcean9946
Admitting fault on both sides is absolutely necessary in conflict. Every conflict exists because two or more parties have a disagreement on how things are and to state that fact is both accurate and healthy.
If you read some of the other check in posts you will see that there has been a genuine effort to reflect on the causes and to discuss topics that have lead to this situation occuring. I would love for you to join in those discussions and seek support for those feelings that are causing you distress but I do need to ask that you do so in a way that is not aiming those feelings at others. Our voice is powerful, it is ours and we own it. We also own the consequences of using it in a way that harms others.
@LifeIsMyCanvas
I did not discuss the validity of stating both sides were at fault. I stated that saying this is NOT an apology. And I also stated that the question of who was at fault is almost irrelevant here. That argument could rage on forever.The admin team have a responsibility to deal with issues in a professional, considered, Non-violent communication manner, taking into account that they are dealing with volunteers who, in this community, are survivors of trauma themselves.
As for directing my comments at individuals, and using my voice to do so. Yes I will, because those individuals have hurt and damaged people and that is not ok. And they also essentially publicly villified people by punishing them with suspensions and culling them. Those people sadly - and shockingly - have been denied their voice.
It's all very well appearing now and supposedly discussing ways forward. Now they have silenced anyone who doesn't kowtow to them. As I no doubt will be. I want them to know their actions have seriously and badly affected people. There is NO evidence of insight into this, no apology. And without those things they cannot possibly give people any sense of trust or safety going forward.
@rationalOcean9946
There were a number of weeks where we didnt have additional support in the check ins. I agree that while there were many on self care it was difficult to run the check ins with 4 people missing and I would have loved some more support. However, this situation started because of an issue with training so I understand on reflection that there was no one available to train new people up to support at that time.
After the team came back from self care, the training was unfortunately deleted so it wasnt possible to train up new people to offer the additional support at that point either.
I had been rewriting the training in an attempt to bridge this gap. This was what was being worked on in the background by myself. When the team stepped down Kate was working on finding people who would be willing to assist in at least running check ins.
That is where we are to date. There has been no other co-ordination behind the scenes and have been fully transparent about writing the training. So I will ask again that opinions on what happened to individuals and how they were treated be left to the individuals concerned to deal with.
We have tried to create an honest discussion in the other check in topics for members to talk about how this conflict has affected them and seek support. It is not appropriate to respond to team member issues in the forum. If there are team members that are confused about what has happened and why then I encourage them to discuss it directly with the appropriate person.
@LifeIsMyCanvas
I give up. You are not even talking about the points I've made. Plus it's not even you that should be responding.
This is exactly my point. The admin responsible are not willing to step up and take responsibility for their actions.
As for the team members affected - how can they try to address this when they have been booted off or so badly treated they have left?
How can I put this simply so it's not lost in arguments totally irrelevant to what I'm saying?
Admin - on a support site - treated people in a manner which has majorly affected their mental health in negative ways. Have at no point truly acknowledged their role in this or given anyone reason to trust that anything has been learned.
@LifeIsMyCanvas
And, btw , you say ''We have tried to create an honest discussion in the other check in topics for members to talk about how this conflict has affected them and seek support."
I am speaking for those who no longer have a voice here. Who cannot talk about how this has affected them or seek support.Either because they have been booted off, forced off or are still here but know they face similar if they are truly honest.
Real people - survivors of trauma - struggling to deal with the damage done here ☹️
@rationalOcean9946
Thank you for saying everything you did! I agree!! i said something similar also and it was brushed off. You are correct in everything you shared!! You are brave for sharing it! Thank you for giving a voice to many good people who were hurt so badly. You are really strong!! Thank you!
@KLM3278
Thank you ❤️
@LifeIsMyCanvas @Kate I thought this was a check-in post made by Kate herself to check on how we are feeling?
Let me make it personal here.
I am hurt. Very much hurt. My therapist mentioned to me today that this forum is all I talked about the last 4 weeks. That says someting.
I am getting more and more frustrated every time I come online. Seriously everyone that has doubts about admin is either ignored or is very politely told to not express that so we won't upset or invalidate others. On the other hand, if anything negative is said concerning me, or some of the team members that are not capable anymore of speaking up, it is applauded, validated, praised.
I feel that I have every right to be angry. I am angry because I have finaly found a voice that I am able to use and it is not taken seriously. Or worse, it is belittled.
I am also angry because I have made friends here. And these friends are seriously injured. I take that personaly because I love them and I think you are to blame for a big part. I am worried about them and I hate seeing them hurt like this.
I am frustrated too because I have no faith anymore in this site. I have learned a lot. I made some great friends. I have grown as a person. I would not be where I am today without an amazing team that is now gone. So I lost something very valuable to me. That sucks.
This is how I feel. And don't anyone dare tell me I can't feel that or express it here in a check-in where it was asked for.
@nolongerafraid
I'm sorry it's affected you so badly ☹️ And I know it's taken courage to speak up. But, as usual, we are being ignored by the people who should be responding. They don't have the courage to , which speaks volumes in itself.
(((Hugs)))
@rationalOcean9946 Thank you. I was not really expecting an answer, but it felt good to express it anyway.
I can move on now and that feels good. ((((hugs))))
@nolongerafraid
Mas <3
Thank you for sharing, I hope your feelings can get some validation too. You are allowed to feel those things and should be so verry alowed to express it. Accnowledging your own or others hurt is not the same as assigning or accepting blame or responsebility, its about persons not matter.
Im so sorry for your hurt Mas, and how all this has damaged your healing, and im so sorry for how it keeps hurting <3
@LoveFromSara
Expressing myself was actually healing for me. I can move on now. It is not here and that is still a bit sad but I'll get over it.
Thanks Sara 
@nolongerafraid
Good job!!!!!! You said exactly what you felt and needed to say. ❤️ Thank you!!!
@KLM3278
Thanks Kat 💖
@rationalOcean9946
Thank you for validating MY feelings!
@nolongerafraid
Very VERY valid feelings (((hugs))) ❤️
@rationalOcean9946
Thank you for writing this. Thank you
@LoveFromSara
You are welcome ❤️
Im new here and have no idea what happened but this is very troubling to me and I wont be joining this community
@sincereShip7453
Hi Ship. The fact you came here means you probably had hard things happen to you. I hope you have a good counselor you get to talk to who cares about you. This is just a website. Who cares!❤️ BUT what matters is YOU!! YOU matter! You deserve healing, support and care. I will pray for you tonight and I hope you can begin your healing journey with a really amazing counselor - you are worth SO much. ❤️
@KLM3278 - Umm, what???? I wish I could post this anonymously.
For some, 7cups is all they have. Or all they have found up to now. Others have no resources (insurance, cash payments, etc) to even LOOK for a therapist, much less one who they could work well with.
I don't know why I've kept my "subscribe to this thread" because it seems each time I come back there is more arguing, more disagreement, and ZERO compromise and working for a solution :( I'm very disappointed in this entire situation. And I feel like the new person who posted just above - coming into this nearly blind, and going What Happened!??
And the whole thing, yes, the whole thing, just makes me sad. We are a team all of us, right? (L) or (M), admin or subcomm leaders - we're all on the same team. Or so I thought.