Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check-In Friday May 11th 2018
Good Morning Alle and welcome to a new day.
Today I wish to discuss worrying.
The Tibettans have a saying:
"If you have a problem to which there is a solution, there is no need to worry. If you have a problem to which there is no solution, worrying will do you no good."
My highest God Odinn in his laws, wisdom, and codes of conduct for my folk similarily spoke: (no worries keeping in English today)
"Foolish is he whom frets at nite and lies awake to worry. A weary man when morning comes, he finds alle a burdeon as before."
Worrying is something we alle do, and can oft seem inescapeable. For me I can certainly worry through the day, dreading some upcomming event like an exam or something. As I said, we alle do it. But how long to allow it to take us? For me I get to a point in my day where I examine what I am worried on. I ask myself if there is anything as can be done at te current moment, if my answewr is no, than much like switching modes to escape a mental loop on something, I seek ways to let it go and move on untill it must be faced again. There is and will always be things to worry on, a failing crop, a harsh change of seasons, Psychology Exams lol, whatever the impending doom may be. Did you do alle you can to change it for today? Even if my answer is no, I get to a point each day when I declair it "Cartoon Time". Yep I shut everything down and watch cartoons before bed lol. A fun and innocent way to change my thoughts.
How do you alle tend to your worries and worrying? Any cool tricks and techniques we may help each other with on this matter?
Well, you're here, drop us a post and tell us how you face worry, or just say hi. This space belongs to you alle, have no worry about using it. 
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@Raveninthelabrynth
I am sorry, I am not worried right now
I am excited! I am going to England for a week. Attend a conference in Bristol with a friend and colleague from South Africa and spend the rest of the week with friends in Bath 
I almost explode with all these happy feelings
@MaschaV That's it, prep the rubber room! Ye gotta be daft iffin yer apologizing for not being upset lol.
That sounds awesome hon, I hope you have a great time. 
@Raveninthelabrynth
I am leaving Wednesday 
@MaschaV That's great to hear. Enjoy your trip.
@OutdatedOatmeal Hi Oatmeal how are you today?
@OutdatedOatmeal
Thanks
My dad is a source of trauma all by himself. And it's a kind of trauma I simply cannot escape from, since I have no means of moving out and surviving on my own thanks to living in a highly dangerous place, and him and mom doing everything they can to make sure I'm trapped beneath their iron fist, helpless to do anything about it. He intends to hamstring my free will and force me to stay completely dependent on him so he can keep forcing me to be his lifeless puppet, and be little more than an extension of him. He flat-out told me that free will is a privilege that I'll never deserve to earn in my entire life.
I'd say the most traumatic incident I dealt with in my entire life was in December of 2014, when I was in roughly the last month of being a 14 year old. He wanted me to join this prestigious high school that requires you to take a special exam and get a very high grade(>94%) in order to be accepted. So, he forced me to spend almost all of my school holidays(from December to early February, since we're in the southern hemisphere) studying for this exam with little breaks. However, I deal with attention deficit disorder, thus, I have a very hard time staying focused studying. This led me to minimize the video classes I was assigned to watch in my computer and browse the internet instead. Of course, this pissed him off a lot, and when he had to leave with mom to do something, he yanked out my computer's wifi antenna and hid it somewhere, and yelled at me that I'd better not get distracted again when he's back.
Of course, my 14 year old self was rebellious, and hated how he took it from me, so after I finished watching the video class I had been watching, I went on to scour the house looking for it. I found it, but I knew it'd be a bad idea to piss dad off like that. I decided to simply leave it in another place that would be easier to get once I was done studying. I absent-mindedly placed it in dad's clothes drawer, and went back to studying by booting up another video class. Some time after, mom and dad came home, and of course, first thing he did was storm over to me to see if I was still studying(he stepped so hard on the ground, it felt like bombs were detonating). Then, he went on to look at the wifi antenna, and of course, couldn't find it. He demanded me where it was, and I told him I simply put it over at his clothes drawer. He went there, grabbed it, then asked "Where's the hammer?"
He opened the tools drawer at the kitchen, grabbed a hammer, then put the wifi antenna on top of a granite surface. He told me, "Let this be a lesson for you to NEVER disrespect me again," and completely destroyed the antenna right in front of my face, shrapnel flying off and hitting me and everything. Then he screamed at my face about how I'm a mistake, that I'm a completely useless piece of shit that he regrets having concevied, how he'd refuse to pay a private university for me and would be happy to ditch me on the side of the road and be done with me since I was too retarded to get through a public university or high school, and that I'm a mentally deranged psychopath that he should've checked into a mental asylum several years ago(which he also told me in 2012). Mom grinning at me and telling me I deserved all that also didn't help, nor did dad walking up to me when I was craving "alone time" in the bathroom and outright mocking my distress, telling me I'd only amount to shit in life.
It's no freaking wonder that I want to get away from my parents so badly. It's unfortunate that there's zero opportunities for me to escape, given how dad has done a 180
@OutdatedOatmeal Wow hon, does sound like an unhappy home. I'm sorry you are treated thus (((HUGE HUGS))) (if ye want them)
Perhaps you can get accepted to a college or uni farther away? Always a thought.
Being in our teens truely is harsh, try to remember that though it may seem slow, it's alle a temporary thing, alle changes with time. Glad to have you here with us today, you are always welcome to bring us your woes and talk about them
Hang in there hon.
@Raveninthelabrynth Hugs are very welcome, thank you. There is a college I really wanted to join, especially since it's in a country I want to move to anyway, but... that's also a big problem: it's in another country. And it's not like my parents will just let me go there and eventually move there. It's tricky, painful, and makes me feel extremely anxious.
(I apologize for the super late response.)
@Raveninthelabrynth
hi
@Raveninthelabrynth
I think I worry so much I scared worry itself 
@conscientiousPineapple1782 That is impressive, remember though
"With great power comes great responsibility."
and back at you lol
@Raveninthelabrynth morning Raven! Worry is such a self defeating thing and something I do struggle with attimes and was also a big topic of conversation with my little one last night amid 2 hours of trying to get her to bed. Trying to stop worrying about things that we have no control over but that do distress us is definitely a difficult task to do. I find the things that I do have control over are more simple.... formulate a plan of action and then take steps to start getting those tasks complete. This is only difficult when I am not able to figure out what is the best course of action I suppose - then worry creeps in for me.
I have been taught by my Psychologist to set aside aside specific time for "worrying" as well - what I have found has helped is to use my journalling time for this. When thoughts creep up throughout the day, I jot a note down to remember to address it during my journalling time and then I'm able to redirect my thoughts easier. This has def gotten easier with time though as it was difficult to begin with. It has become almost like another task to do during the day. "Oh a worry, well, that takes place during my journal time - add it to my to do list". Then when I do explore said worry I'm able to decide whether I need to problem solve, reframe my thinking about the issue etc.
@purpleWest8143 Indeed west we certainly get caught up in woe and worry. We can't always be in control of everything, and perhaps we're not meant to. Well done on the journaling hon. It's a very important thing for alle of us to find what works best for us individually to overcome our woes.
@Raveninthelabrynth
Worries!! Oh what a topic... I guess I'm constantly worried, all those What-ifs... And I can argue with myself for hours, I'm trying to reason with myself, cause logically I know the right answer, but what if... Giving an example, hm, so I'm typing this right now and I'm worried, cause what if what I say is completely silly? What if somebody's laughing? What if I choose the wrong words and nobody gets what I'm saying? So I'm trying to answer my what ifs, nobody thinks I'm silly, it's ok to say sth here, I have the right to be here, nobody will laugh and even if somebody laugh, even if somebody thinks I'm silly, even if somebody doesn't get me, that's perfectly ok, I don't have to get along with everybody, everybody can have a different opinion, and at least I would have made somebody laugh today 😊 so yeah that's about what I'm doing before every post here... And those are only my tiny worries I would say... And yeah, I know I should put most of them aside, cause I can't change anything about it... So I've just been at the park, with my therapist, I've been close to panic cause of noises, people, outside and stuff, so worries over worries... Nothing bad happened, of course not, the chance of anything bad happening ha quite small, buuuut, it could 😝 ok, that's enough of my silliness...
Hope you're all having a great day... Sending out lots of love and hugs to everybody who wants/needs it 💕
@courteousNorth5140 (((HUGE HUGS))) to you as well M8. Yep worry worry worry. Can be funny though when we look back onnit.
Keep doing your best to rationalize the worry as it comes, perhaps you will learn the truly fantastic skill of saying eh whatever
@Raveninthelabrynth
Thanks Raven, yeah, definitely need some training on whatever 😂 on saying whatever, I mean, or on whatever else 😂 hope you're alright today? *hugs*
@courteousNorth5140 Hej, when I first came to americae, they placed my in a wonderful place called Hell's Kitchen on 154th st in the Bronx. I think I can certainly share some, umm... Colourful Metaphores with you.
@Raveninthelabrynth
Sounds like a nice neighbourhood 😂 and there I would learn 'whatever'?
@courteousNorth5140 lol Hugs
@Raveninthelabrynth
See, at least I made somebody laugh 😊 mission completed *hugs back*
@courteousNorth5140 lol Right On M8 
@Raveninthelabrynth
Although, not really completed, here it's already saturday... So gotta try again today 😝
@courteousNorth5140 I sweriously woundn't know the hour or day if I didn't have to know it to operate here no joke.
What time is it?
Night time straight up lol
Much Love M8 M off to cartoons see you soon
@Raveninthelabrynth -w
@Raveninthelabrynth -w
@Raveninthelabrynth
Yepp, definitely nighttime 😁 here 2am...
Enjoy your cartoons, laugh a bit more and then sleep well 😊
@Raveninthelabrynth
Hey Rave
I feel this deep sadness in my heart today, as though I am going through grief or it is broken.
I finally listened to four songs written by the musician who I have been "dating" (long-distance) for about a month now. The lyrics and songs are all so.... so sad. It doesn't really have anything to do with my trauma, other than that it's been making me wonder... what does this mean? Is this deep sadness and grief something all humans go through? (It is). Because he focuses on it in his music... what does that mean? (There are other musicians who write happier songs). He has known a lot of deep love... with at least several people... what is his definition of love? What does that mean for me? So these are things I am thinking of, and they are only related to my trauma insofar as my trauma was related to someone I loved.
I enjoyed your post about worry. I really like what you said about it, and I saved it on my computer so I could look at it again later. So for an example... perhaps now, I have some worries about whether this guy is "right" for me. Can I do anything about it right now? No... no. I have some emotions, and I need to let them sink in. And I can't get to know him in an instant. So, I can move on, and I can focus on some other things within my life for now, until I need to think about this guy again. He lives across the country, anyway...... There's no need to rush anything.
I have been worrying about my finances, too. Well, I am at work right now (taking a break). There is (I feel) always more I can do at any time to improve upon that situation. The thing is, there is only so much energy to be had in one day. So I try to take it slow, make my living, take rests. Especially now that I have a concussion right now.
I have been practicing an exercise my therapist taught me for meditation, called "just sitting," where you just sit and allow thoughts to come without chewing on them. If I notice myself chewing, I place my attention on my breath or on my feet touching the floor. It has been helping me to recognize the space between my thoughts, which includes space between worries. It has been helping me see them for what they are -- only thoughts; only worries.
I do, often, lie awake and worry. Nearly every night. And sometimes every morning. It would be wonderful to experience something with worry absent.
@singercrystalspirit Much Love Singer. Some of us just have a dark soul hon. Infact it is common in both Norse and Celtic cultures to not name a newborn until their soul can be seen. That in mind the Irish name Lorcan means dark and morose (got a cousin Lorcan an he is lol). maybe when ready ask him of why his music is sad, but sometymes it's just the way iit comes out. Can even be the way a man expresses himself I suppose, don't know about that one lol. An hon, I went from being divorced to being a sex worker, I'm the last one to ask on relationships lmbo.
In my culture we have a saying, "Alle Helvagan go!" (alle walk the path through Hel). This is life hon light and darkness both happen alle around us, to us, and with us.It is one of our tasks to seek "Dagr" (Balance between light and dark). Such a strong and destined thing it has it's own rune for divination. Indeed my sister in trauma, balance between light and dark(Dagr), man and earth(Odall), soul and the divine(Gipt), is part of our challange of life and one of our life tasks to acheive. Enjoy the path, emptiness is boring. Bills, finances, not getting so pissed at our jobs we moon the bos s an flip off that bitchy secretary in the office is alle part of it hon. Seek Dagr, find your balance with alle.
Dagr, the balance between light and dark. 
Odall, the balance between people and earth (surroundings)
Gipt, the exchange and balance between us and the divine.
Alle three are within my name and mind me/ give me my balance.
Yes! stillness is amazing. Strangely every rednek hunter knows this peace.
Don't think too much late at nite hon, put on a Rick and Morty marathon an chill. Much Love my friend.
@Raveninthelabrynth
Dear Raven.... I fear this man is another dark soul who wants to take some of my light to bring himself to further balance. I fear that. It's funny you say all that. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I feel afraid of him. Maybe I'll ask him.... At the moment, I don't even want to talk with him anymore. I just want to disappear, from him and from my parents and brothers, too. I feel as if they have abandoned me again, and I feel so hurt... it's easier to stop trying. That's another topic, though. Life feels dark right now.
Haha about your cousin And about asking you on relationships, lol I suppose it's hard to know who to ask. I'd been asking my mom about relationships, and she's not exactly happy with my dad.
I suppose we all do walk through our own hells from time to time. I've certainly been in my own. I believe in life seeking balance... I'm a Star Wars fan Hehe. Maybe I'm not destined to have a partner. Maybe I'm destined to walk alone and find balance in myself. I'd like a partner, though. Another topic again, though.
I'd like to spend my life with people who bring more light to my life.... more laughter, joy, brightness. I'd like to stay away from those who would try to take my light for their own darkness. Or those who would try to give their darkness to me. From this man's songs, it seems he is spreading his darkness out toward the world... I can only infer that it would go on to spread, most deeply, to me. Seeking healing. Seeking balance. Am I interpreting that too harshly? Is this simply my fear, from having undergone trauma? Am I interpreting all of this too darkly? I don't know...
Funny you say that -- My roommate is a redneck hunter Hehe. I do imagine the type of peace you are talking about... That type of peace seems so nice.
Yes... That's good advice. The brain is tired late at night; hard to stay positive. I'll try to keep picking up books and reading. Or.... finding something else to do.
Take care.
- Singer
@singercrystalspirit
hmm "walk the earth alone...."
Would that be like Kane from Kung Fu, or The Incredible Hulk?
steer clear of the draining ones, sorry for alle na woe, perhaps a chance to chill an focus on yourself and create your own happiness? Then ye don't need rely on others, an the rest is extra.
@Raveninthelabrynth
LOL I just replied back to you. I like that.
@Raveninthelabrynth
Never mind Rave. I went on a long walk and I feel kinda different about it. I mean I'd still love to hear your response if you want to respond I grounded in the earth and I let some space in between my emotions and thoughts. I think I'm trying to take this whole thing too fast, when it's impossible to live life that way and do so. I think it needs some space to develop, too
@singercrystalspirit Its alle your world over there hon, find whatever twirrls yer beenie an go with it. ;)
@Raveninthelabrynth
Hugs
I worry a lot. I know it doesn't do me any good but I can't stop it. I worry that I am failing my daughter, that I will never be good enough, and that I will always be alone. Things are not going very well at the moment which just causes me to worry more. It's a cycle that I need to break..
@RedHawk6547 Hej Red, I too have Daughters, and I failed them misserable myself. I fully understand this fear. We do our best and pray to our God(s) it's proper and enough. T'is the woe of being a parent. We never feel we are doing enough or the right thing. Time, Patience, and nothing but Love hon. "The Universe tends to unfold as it should." (yep, from Harold an Kumar lol)
Hugs my friend
ooh and another favourite of mein recently launched into space on a plack "Don't Panick!" (Hitch Hikers Guide to The Galaxy)
Hi Raven
I really like this quote:
@FloweringBunny
That's amazing 😁 I absolutely love that... I think I'll safe that somewhere... Hope you're having a good day 😊
@FloweringBunny Hmm that is very interesting Bunny. In my culture we are raised to face our fate and death. We know it as just another evolution. Kind of like walking threough a doorway into another room.
Welcome to the community, and check in's. I actually just added your name to the tag list today an was wondering if you would bless us with your thoughts an feelings. Glad to have you with us. Welcome.
@Raveninthelabrynth
Can you put my name on there too? I have signed up a couple times but with no succes. Thanks
@MaschaV sure thing love, try one mor time with the form to make it official, if not i'll scribble ye in.
https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1pzC6N19QCxy4LRMJqXKd5L6pyF_pKRY8cfXaZYXb6Nk/viewform?edit_requested=true
if I dont see it within the hour I'll add ye as you expressed the desire, but the form makes it easier.
@Raveninthelabrynth
I signed up again :)
Thanks
@MaschaV ok we will have to check the functionality of that link, it didn't register. But I manually added you, an as long as my colleagues here retrieve their tag list propperly you shall be added. Let me know if you don't get tagged.
@Raveninthelabrynth
Thanks! I'll let you know
@MaschaV may need to copy the link an paste it in whatever they call the destination bar ;)
@Raveninthelabrynth That is a good way to think of it, I was raised to know that death can be sad, but that it is inevitable for all of us and that when someone dies we celebrate the life that they had and know that one day we will see them again.
I'm curious what your culture is, if you don't mind sharing? And thank you for the welcome :)
@FloweringBunny I am Norse and Irish.
*wearily waves*
helloooo. absolutely nothing has happened today, but i feel completely drained. i guess all the stress from seeing so many doctors in such a short span of time has caught up with me. i've been pretty empty today. tired. not really sure how i feel, really? i want to cuddle someone but i don't really feel like i deserve it. i feel childish, i guess? like i feel like i'm young and needy but i don't really know how to reach out.
@Moonberrycat Hej Moon Hugs. Yep is is a day for being weary, not my day to endulge in that tho but m feelin ye lol.