Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check In - Saturday March 31st 2018

No!

No, no, no!

No, no, no, no, no, no!!

Such a short word, but one that can be so hard to say. I wonder how many of you in the trauma community find it hard to say no? I know I do, and Ive frequently found myself doing something I really dont want to do because of my inability to say no.

Why is that I wondered, so I went on a google hunt!

- Seems were just too nice. Many instances of saying yes when you mean no may be down to plain old people pleasing. Not wishing to offend, not wishing to hurt others feelings.

- Maybe we view saying no as a rejection. We dont want others to think badly of us, we dont want others to feel rejected, so ‘no remains on the tip of our tongue, unsaid.

- How about feeling guilty? Perhaps we feel bad to put our needs first. What if theres a consequence to our refusal? What if something bad happens because of it? Sometimes its just easier to say yes.

- And, trigger warning....maybe we said no before, in traumatic circumstances. And we werent listened to or respected. So ‘no becomes a pointless word. Our wishes cease to count.

So a gentle reminder....

- Your needs matter too.

- No is not forever. You can change your mind at a later time if you choose.

- Whats the worst that can happen? Keep any fears about saying ‘no in perspective.

- Dont be so harsh on yourself. In all likelihood the person who asked you isnt judging your refusal, but is just thinking who else they might ask instead.

- The past is firmly in the past. Just because you werent listened to before, doesnt mean you wont be now.

So, are any of you out there struggling to assert your needs? Do you find yourself agreeing to do something when its the last thing you want to do? After me now.....

Three.....

.....Two

One.....

Noooooooooo!!!