Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check In - Saturday November 4th 2017
Todays check in was inspired by our dear friend Kite. We were discussing taking time out for yourself - looking after number one. There are times when that can feel quite selfish, particularly if youre struggling to find the energy for others anyway. If you already feel youre being a bad parent, friend, child, colleague, then saying ‘I need more time for me can sound pretty self indulgent. But its not! Self care can be taken in many and varied ways - something to build into your life, not take time out of your life for. Heres a few examples:
Nothing there you dont deserve there is there? And the results are tenfold. As is said, you cant pour from an empty cup. So what are you going to do to refill your cup today?
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@DeborahUK Hoot an Phoohey!!! I was tagged in a forum post. Does this mean I am "It"?
I don't feel "It".
yep, self care is very needed often. "I did absolutely nothing yesterday, and it was everything I ever thought it could be..."
(ok really was way busy researching for a paper but there ye go.) Much Love alle and Hi.
@Raveninthelabrynth
Haha, I saw hoot an phooey in my notifications and knew it was you! You have a fantastic turn of phrase! Dont ever change :)
@DeborahUK thanks for this. Very hard to do or fit around just trying to be there for others because i dont see a point for me anymore.
Finding it harder to check in recently because of triggers. Very hard not to just isolate and wear the mask needed to survive.
Have in laws over today for guy fawkes so mask is going on. Will try and be present and not distracted. Been accused of being distant alot recently.
Dont know what im doing. Thinking of stopping therapy because its bringing up too much, but that would leave nothing. Pressure to move on increasing and pushing me into a corner. Need to decide if i have the strength to let them all down again.
Sending hugs to all.
@inventiveOrange1
I hear stress, guilt and pressure. But youre unwell Orange. Would you feel that pressure if youd broken your leg for example? Would you cover the plaster with a blanket every time someone saw you, so you could pretend it wasnt happening? You dont deserve to feel guilt for being unwell, can you see that? Can you remove that, because at least it would then be one less pressure to contend with.
Its great to see you check in. It can be so hard to reach out, to feel so vulnerable. But theres no harm in being vulnerable. There are times in life when were strong for others, and times when we need others to be strong for us. Bill Withers gets this!
Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on
@DeborahUK thank you kind words. Appreciated.
@inventiveOrange1
I mean them too. Its not just out of kindness. Its said with sincerity.
#leanonme
@inventiveOrange1 Hugs, Orange ❤️ Hope you made it through Guy Fawkes alright ⛺⛺⛺
Thursday I went and got a pedicure while I was away from home for a training just because I wanted to feel like I belonged even though I was over 20 hours from home.
Today I am going to get a manicure from home, I can live my life from anywhere :).
I also chose to take Friday off of work just for me because I was tired and my flight was late. Before I would have pushed myself anyway and gone in with just a couple hours of sleep. I am not there yet but getting better at standing up for myself.
Kind of all over today because I am multi tasking but self care doesn't look the same for everyone. What I enjoy and consider relaxing won't be the same as what you find to be a place of comfort for you. That is the best part of this.
This afternoon I am planning to find some time to clean my house because I always feel better when my house is spotless. That might not be self care for someone else but for me that is a big deal. When my house isn't spotless I am anxious and gloomy. But when my house us spotless, I am always happy and at peace. Crazy little things.
@EMSFireChic1985
Thats a really great point you make. Self care is different for everyone. In a way its a treat to yourself, though perhaps should be seen more as essential maintenance than a treat! And we all like different treats. So once youve treated yourself to a clean house, and if ever your flight brings you to England, feel free to drop around to my house and indulge yourself in cleaning all you want! Think of it as a home away from home 😄
Incidentally, it was great to see your contribution to the newsletter. Great to learn a little more about people, and Im full of admiration for the service you give.
Ok I just saw the Pineapple Pen Pen Apple video. This fully qualifies as a Traumatic Experience.
-20 points of intelligence...
The Horror...
The...
Horror...
Smile folks life can be too funny sometimes. 
I consider my self care to be things like making sure all my homework gets done, making sure all my stuff gets done at work before I leave for the weekend on Thursday, and someday maybe actually getting my apartment in order lol. Lately its also included caring for wounded knees because I fell two Mondays ago and my knees are still kinda rough. I also take time to go and do things occasionally. Like yesterday I went out to a bar down the street with my family to celebrate my step dads 25th work anniversary (there were a bunch of his coworkers there too). I also carved a pumpkin with him on Monday. And Monday I took my car in to get fixed cuz its been making a really awful sound and my heat wasnt working, and I finally got to pick it up yesterday and its running so well now! Self care also requires me to eat every now and then, and take breaks with Netflix every now and then, and on days when exes pop out of god only knows where to make my life hell again...eating a pint of ice cream for dinner and doing absolutely no homework and only watching Netflix all night until I finally fell asleep watching I dont even remember what. It also unfortunately means pushing myself in therapy which just sucks and Im sure next week will be super duper fun after telling her about the message from my ex! 🙄🙃
Thats about it. I might be missing some stuff though lol
@BeeLeigh
These are all fabulous ways to take care of yourself, to keep on top of issues that may cause you stress, to connect with family, and to indulge in some essential maintenance that only a pint of ice cream can fix!
And therapy, it is maybe one of the ultimate self care tasks. It may feel tough, it may create conflicting emotions in us, it may involve talking about things wed rather bury away for ever. But ultimately, as the name suggests, its therapeutic.
Take good care of yourself Bee. No more scraped knees I hope. Ouch!
@BeeLeigh Ugh. Exes appearing out of nowhere. My condolences.
@melliotm
Its literally what I woke up to on Wednesday. I put it in one of the checkins (there were two on Wednesday). It took me over an hour to get out of bed after that and I ended up being a few minutes late for work and then all day long all I wanted was to go home cuz it was just not a good day. I just wanted to stay in bed all day and not move. Its like just seeing that message instantly voided the wonderful effects of my medication that basically make me not physically feel my anxiety. Its not fair. He doesnt get to do that.
I think I am not managing more than half of those things on that wheel.. maybe hardly anything. My self care is really really bad unless I am getting ready to spend time with someone else.
@Kuma0187
How about trying to build a few more of them into your life Kuma? As @wizeakre suggests, doing things just for you, because you deserve it! Think of it as esssential maintenance. So many of us treat our cars and houses better than we do ourselves! These are inanimate objects, they dont have feelings and emotions, yet we seemingly view their needs as greater than ours. Thats such a nonsense isnt it? Time to put yourself first do you think?
@DeborahUK
Thinking about putting myself first just doesn't work. I know that logically we can only do good for those around if we also took care of ourselves.. but in my heart I just don't work like that. But I will try the suggestion from Wiz
@DeborahUK
I'm not well... I've been struggling with remembering my abusive ex and how he stalked me for two years afterwards and I'm just terrified he'll find me one day again even if it is irrational... Especially since I still live with an abusive mother who recently caved in to her alcohol addiction again :( I'm trying...
@InsomniaMilk
Hi insomnia,
I read your post and your courage really touched me. Your feelings are perfectly justified. You have been through so much and are now facing a daily reminder of the experiences with your Mom. I am not familiar with your situation, but I do know that I hope you can find a place where you feel safe. Perhaps it is not possible at this moment. Please feel free to count on the community for unconditional support and remember you are not alone.
@Compassionatelistener108
Thanks for your compassion.
And I believe a warm welcome to the trauma team is called for. Welcome aboard :)
@InsomniaMilk
Those are tough circumstances you find yourself in, and even more reason to take good care of yourself. You may be unable to do much about your mothers alcoholism - the motivation to change has to come from her. But you can focus on your needs, as so often these get lost when coping with the chaos that alcoholism can bring.
And yes, I cant imagine the horror of being stalked and how vulnerable that may make you feel. But hang on to that rational thought. Its in the past and youre safe now.