Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check In - Thursday February 22nd 2018
I noticed there was no check in for today, so thought Id put one up - better late than never. Which got me thinking about a topic, and what better than sayings? Much like ‘better late than never there are so many sayings we learn as we go through life - look before you leap, an apple a day keeps the doctor away, a watched pot never boils. But how many of these words actually mean something to us? The sort of wise words to live your life by. Do you have some wise words that youve always remembered through your life, something significant you heard? Id love to learn more about sayings that have meant something to you.
Ill leave you with one of my favourites:
Hows today treating you?
To add or remove your name from daily check-ins click here
@Avaray @Shadeshack @BeeLeigh @Faeryschild @dancingRainbow45 @Lavendermoonlight @KLM3278 @jr50 @agreeableKite4304 @PhoenixPatronus @Morfo66 @raycascotch @KatieMoon1 @Tamba @Jenna0903 @melliotm @PanamaBanana @inventiveOrange1 @HearingYourHeart @TreesandWine @guyb @Sharkradio @MKjart @Lilyflower0817 @caterpillargirl @Survivetoalive @exuberantTriangle2562 @coraline23 @Ivorycat5573 @fearlessPear8268 @SemicolonSurvivor @weare1 @weareall1 @Annaka1 @moonchild95 @summernight69 @sheaintgotnoshoes @rationalWillow8882 @DeborahUK @AMusicalSilence @catsith @energeticPenny8 @Rebekahwriter13 @behindhazeleyes @sensitiveShade5337 @singercrystalspirit @wittyTree8219 @Ocendade @Rpjrx @Brooke12 @tenacity37 @Raveninthelabrynth @Axeman53 @kkSp3nc3 @blissedNblessed @Softforesthsp77 @AriannaPink @sereneSoul23 @promisemehope @IPreferWinter @Zombii @Godborned @Jessica86 @resourcefulPond1641 @Lilibuth12 @Tir @Michelle0608 @The_Final_Chapter @Halogen @BubblegumPuppy68 @ScarletPear1945 @CaloenasNicobarica @Hoxenos @Christine1980 @TheresaWilliams @Compassionatelistener108 @LovelyChantel @Pureriver56 @unassumingSummer6022 @Reedrainshimmer @resourcefulPond1642 @Kuma0187 @NonHoPaura @courageousNorth9872 @NacienteLuz @Waterlily16 @Helpfulsoul64 @TheHoneyDoll @Saif1for1Resilience @butters45 @purpleWest8143 @silverIceCream21 @Dandelionmoon @Bumblebee16 @consciousawakening @Shaiya365 @archerzvy @JJi @CopingwithTrauma @musicheals61 @disneynerd23 @ScarletPear1945 @Longday08 @sittinginahoneymoon @Quietbeach @loyalYard9488 @thatdramaticsoprano @understandingJackfruit9057 @amiableZebra3993 @Waterstreams057 @placidFriend3007 @AndreT @orchard9786 @Myosotis17 @sociableSailboat9634 @Calmlake1999 @emotionalMaple9419 @calmballoon3183 @disneynerd23 @MomRNFNP @Pdanziger @easymap6620 @MoreThanAConqueror18 @candyhaunt @namelessgirl99 @plumLake851 @streamoftears @quixoticRaven @Redhawk6547 @Sk1ttles @Shayc1 @Samdoc99 @Mikathewolfdog @FrankieDylan @Tacomytaco @stella17 @blinkk @PaperCrane1123 @Equalnotabove @felicia96 @CartoonDarling @Tayboi @Compassion21
⛺❤️
@DeborahUK
I messaged my therapist today telling her how I feel and she said that we can have a session next week so I agreed but I'm not sure if I'll go.
As for how I'm feeling I'm really tired, depressed and emotional. Things are just not going so well atm and as much as I want to open my mouth here, I can't.
@sensitiveShade5337
Youre two thirds of the way there though Shade. You contacted her and booked an appointment. Now you just have to roll up.
Its a shame you dont feel you can open your mouth here. Why is that?
@DeborahUK
Everything depends on money miss Deborah.. if I don't have the money till Tuesday I won't go.
I'm not allowed to open my mouth here and that's something I put to myself because I don't want to destroy things anymore. It's adding pain to the pain and I just want to heal not having more pain :'(
i cannot forget what I have done in here and what I have done to the people. I'm paying for every single behavior I had in here, I'm paying for every single conflict I got in with mods. It might sound like nothing to people in here or something that it doesn't matter but it does to me. No one understands how I feel about all these, how guilty I am facing the people I have hurt.. and although I said I can't open my mouth... here I'm opening my heart to you.
@sensitiveShade5337
From what you write, it seems you think you may have hurt some people on this site with your words or actions. But I can only speak for myself here. Ive always found you quite pleasant. Yes, you may feel angry at times, you may swear, you may vent, but none of those were intended to harm me or others - its been your way of handling the emotions you feel. Youre responsible for yourself Shade, but you cant be responsible for how others interpret you. So if people feel annoyed with you when youre upset, thats for them to deal with, not you.
Hmmm, Im not explaining what I mean very well! Bottom line is, its okay to vent on this site. Take a look in the forums, and there are numerous posts opened up by the admins and leaders inviting people to share how they feel, or ‘get it off your chest. If someone is offended by you doing that, is that your responsibility? Thats what Im saying. In my view, its okay not to be okay. So please dont feel you have to be silenced. Im glad you feel able to still open your heart on this forum, and I will respect that and handle you with all the care you need.
@sensitiveShade5337
Hugs to my brave friend shade 
@LifeIsMyCanvas
huggles back 💚
I thought I was over some traumatic things from childhood. but I got triggered recently and realize that how I coped is now affecting someone I care about. so I guess I have to admit it was trauma. I wanted to pretend everything was fine.
@Samerina
I think that feeling of wanting it all to go away, or better still, never to have happened, is a pretty common one. And sometimes it does seem possible to ignore it for a while, sometimes years. But its strong emotions youre dealing with, and they do tend to seep out eventually. So I feel for you, having to face those unpleasant memories of the past. But if it allows you to move through and past it, then its a worthwhile journey to make.
Welcome to our little community. Youre very welcome here :)
@DeborahUK Thank you Deborah. Helps to know it's a common thing to wish it all away. I certainly want to work through it now that I can really see it again after ignoring for so many years.
@Samerina
That sounds really tough, I remember when I realised my coping was hurting my hubby and I felt really bad. But ya know what? 1. You are self-aware enough to see it 2. You are brave enough to admit it and 3. You are totally not alone. You have already made amazing progress. It takes time and talking about it with the person you care about can help them understand why you are the way you are. If they love you as much as you care for them they will give you the space to heal. I thought I'd lose my hubby, I was really scared about it but he never left my side and now we are closer and happier than we have ever been so please keep going and lean on us when you need to.
@LifeIsMyCanvas Yes! " If they love you as much as you care for them they will give you the space to heal " is exactly what I needed. Part of the trauma is feeling like he will leave if I don't do everything he wants! So that is fear based choices instead of loving ones. I am thankful that he is staying, and he does want to help me work thru it too! <3
@DeborahUK I keep coming back to this one today.
@survivetoalive
ooo that's a good one, good to see you survive
@survivetoalive
I really like that one, because although it makes me think of someone being drawn right to the limits of what they believe they can cope with, it also speaks of optimism, strength, resourcefulness and survival. Your user name reflects that too. You survived, thank goodness :)
@DeborahUK
I have a lot of quotes I like, but today I was thinking about this one:
Being brave feels exactly the same as being weak, except you don't give up.
I feel like a bit of a space cadet right now, probably because I forgot my meds but I've had them now. I spent a lot of time colouring and stitching on paper, it was very grounding and therapeutic. Unfortunately, my hands can only go so long!
@LifeIsMyCanvas
Oh, I love that one too. It reminds me of the fact it takes as much faith to believe you
@LifeIsMyCanvas Oh how I wanted to give up altogether.. that's feeling helpless. BUT I reminded myself I have worked through hard things before, and I have inch by inch climbed this mountain. What's one more step? I am capable and I intend to come out on the other side a new person.
Lately, I've been thinking about something an old high school teacher once said to me: It's okay to be afraid. Be afraid, just don't give up
I'm also fond of: We thought we were at rock bottom, but then we heard a knock from below.
@wontsleepwontwake
I
@DeborahUK - Oh, wow. I am touched that you find me eloquent and inspiring at times, thank you for saying that. I've actually been thinking a lot about my writing process lately. I love quotes. I have enjoyed quotes since I can remember. Even when I am incredibly depressed, I can still enjoy an honest quote about it. It's just very refreshing to discover that other people have said the same things I want to say, and often much better than I might have. When I was young, I used to think I was quite strange for collecting quotes, but of course I've since met loads of people who enjoy them just as much. Happy to share them with another fan! <3 Thanks again for your kind words
Hey Deb! How was your Thursday?
The quote you used is one I love, and it reminds me of the chorus from the song Yesterday by Imagine Dragons:
Heres to my future
Heres to my yesterday
Heres to change
Oh, heres to my yesterday
No tomorrow without a yesterday
Heres to my future
Goodbye to yesterday
😊💜
@BeeLeigh
Those are clever words Bee, because yes, we would never reach tomorrow without yesterday, so it all has its part to play. Its just about maintaining the right perspective isn't it?
@DeborahUK
Perspective can definitely be a bit difficult to maintain, thats for sure! I went to this thing at my moms church last week called Alpha, and we watched a video and then broke off into small groups and had like a group discussion on the video. One of the questions was something about if we could ask god any one question, what would it be? I didnt answer that one, but everyone who did responded with some variation of why do bad things happen to good people/why is there so much suffering in the world. My only question would be, Why? Its difficult to maintain perspective when messages like everything happens for a reason are plastered everywhere. If thats true...then what was the reason behind each and every thing that happened to me??? Just...why? It doesnt make sense to me. That message makes it sound like there was a lesson I needed to learn, and if thats the case, thats one cruel god we have. Yeah, everything bad has led me to where I am today, and I love where I am today. But there are many other much nicer ways I couldve been led here that dont involve rape and abuse! I just dont get it. It makes it difficult to keep perspective.
@BeeLeigh
Oh gosh, I dont know whether Im brave enough to get into a discussion about religion! I want to believe in a loving God, but I share some of the doubts you have. I also attended Alpha. What I took from it is God gave us free will, he doesnt control us. Some people use that free will to behave appallingly towards others. Apparently they will get their come uppance some day. But yes, I totally get that in the intervening time it would leave someone in your circumstances asking ‘why? Because it could appear that God not only ‘allows that to happen, but it also goes unpunished. Personally I dont believe God turns a blind eye. He sees, and he will address it with the perpetrator in time.
Im not sure if that helps at all?
@DeborahUK
I could sit here overthinking this indefinitely. I just question so many things that I don't feel like I would if my life had been different. It's so difficult because I was raised in a very stereotypical Irish Catholic family (well...the American version anyway). Like, I literally learned Irish Dance in the basement of the church where my grandfather was my CCD teacher (religious education for those who didn't go to Catholic school...which I only didn't because my mom didn't like that the nuns hit me with a yard stick and then the principal lied and said she'd signed a waiver he couldn't produce when asked...ANYWAY lol). I went through all the sacraments at the same church. I still go a few times a year, but mostly at Christmas time because I pull from the Angel Tree at their church. I had this everloving figure shoved down my throat growing up...while I was, at the same time, being abused. It's just very difficult to bring those two things together and find a positive way of looking at it. I did recently come across a quote that really stood out to me though:
"When the devil keeps on asking you to look at your past, there must be something good in the future he doesn
@BeeLeigh
You have some really legitimate questions there Bee, and I dont have the answer. Theyre the same questions as those that bother me. Ultimately its so wrong that any child should suffer at the hands of others. Its senseless and its cruel, and what happened to you is wrong, wrong, wrong. The type of replies Ive had when I ask those questions are that its the devil at work, and that God is there supporting you to gather the strength to get through the experience. Theres that very well known story called footsteps that kind of relates to it. Do you know it? That there are times God carries you.
I hear this is a difficult subject for you. I wonder if youve tried praying? To ask God why? It probably feels counter intuitive when you dont really have faith in him, but it may just help. I tend to take the view, what do I have to lose? Its not yet provided me with the answers to your questions, but I do have some kind of faith that everything ultimately forms some kind of bigger picture. Incidentally, I think the quote you cited about the devil asking you to look backwards is quite relevant to this. Perhaps if we could put our faith in God and move forward with faith in him and love for ourselves, the past may be left behind more readily.
Confused? You and me both :)
@DeborahUK
When you saw only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.
I guess theres also the Book of Job.
Ive done some pretty awful things because of situations I ended up in through no real fault of my own. I dont feel good about those things. I dont always feel bad, because sometimes I can make myself believe I really didnt have a choice (which I didnt...it had come to either do it or starve to death at that point), but I never feel good about any of it. I didnt hurt anyone but me. But it still isnt exactly pleasant. Its been on my mind lately and I dont know why. It doesnt seem very fair that those who forced me into that position dont have to live with any consequences, but here I am at 12:45am years later running through it all in my head for no apparent reason. It just doesnt seem right. Why are we stuck living with their consequences? I couldnt tell you how many times Ive just looked up and cried out asking why. How many times Ive sat and talked to the sky. How many times Ive begged the air for help while bawling my eyes out. I do have at least some faith. But maaaaaaaaaan, someone sure likes to test it!
Hey there! <3
I've been feeling a bit overwhelmed with school, even crying from stress recently but I'm doing my best to balance self care and hard work. Must admit it's going very difficult.
My day was okay but it could definitely have been better. I appreciate you positing when no one else could. That's really sweet of you!
Hope you're having a good day! :) <3
@TheHoneyDoll
Posting** ah (TT)
@TheHoneyDoll
I hope that stress soon settles down for you. You can only do your best, and sometimes it can be quite exciting to see what new doors open if things dont quite go to plan!
Hi, thank you so much for stepping in during this busy day 💛 I hope things are well with you. I am getting caught up with everyone. It is such a pleasure.
What a wonderful, informative day for everyone! I was so impressed with the event, the open minded people who were so courageous when talking about their experiences and the members/leaders for supporting them along the way.
I hope you are having a restful sleep or enjoying your early morning. Have a great day, Deb 💛
