Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check In - Thursday May 18th 2017
So I had quite an amusing conversation with a colleague earlier today, all about things we believed as kids. You know the type of thing ....
- if you're pulling a face and the wind blows, you'll stay like that
- if the ice cream van is playing music, they've run out of ice cream
- pork chops and karate chops both come from the same animal
- babies are found under gooseberry bushes
..... and so on! Thing is, as an adult, I can confidently say I don't believe any of those things now. But what about some of the other stuff we might have heard as kids - you're not good enough, it's your fault, no one will believe you, you're useless. They can be harder to let go can't they? I wonder why that is, and why we tend to hang onto those messages far longer.
Well the good news is, you don't have to just keep believing! You can give those hardened old beliefs a good old kicking around, really test them out, and you can let them go. I wonder what beliefs you used to have as a child, and how many you still believe now? Remember though, this thread is also for you to share anything that's on your mind. You don't have to listen to my ramblings!
Overcoming trauma is hard work - let's heal together.
@Avaray @vriska44 @Shadeshack @BeeLeigh @Faeryschild @dancingRainbow45 @Lavendermoonlight @KLM3278 @sujaypai
@vriska44 @sweetMelody95 @jr50 @agreeableKite4304 @PhoenixPatronus @Morfo66 @themainjane @raycascotch
@KatieMoon1 @conscientiousPineapple1782 @Tamba @Jenna0903 @melliotm @PanamaBanana @inventiveOrange1 @BradyChay2310
@AutumnLeigh @KristenHR @DeborahUK @Isaac @InvaderStitch @generousWaterfall39
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@DeborahUK
Thank you so much for the tag. I really appreciate it. I put in a request to remove BradyChay2310 & put in Chayil. I hope it went through easily this time.
Blessings! 💜
@Chayil So you did a name change from brady? if yes need to change my mentee notes LOL
@dancingRainbow45
:) Yes :) When I first got here I didn't think sharing my name would be a big deal. Buuuuut can't be too confidential with a "ginger female" named Brady. Not too many of those running around nowadays lol 😂😂
And OH MY GOODNESS!!!! I'm so sorry I forgot about that Saturday we had scheduled!!! I can be so scattered some days!!! I need note-taking/scheduling classes (for customer service/reservationist agent) or something! Haha totally embarrassed!
@DeborahUK hi. im still trying. Trying to fit back into work still difficult with reminders everywhere and sick patients. Doesnt help im on half days and everyone else struggling with short staff. I have no focus and forgetting things so feel bad. Might be because waking so early is tiring.
Coming home to reminders again. Wish it was getting easier but i cant lie and pretend it is. Hubby struggling back at work too.
Need to call mum tonight but she is a clinician and will worry so putting it off.
Wish i had something more positive to add but i dont. Just im still here and trying for hubby and my parents.
Hope everyone here finds some peace.
@inventiveOrange1
Orange, it sounds like you're trudging through days you're finding difficult to deal with. I hope you can find some rest and time for self-care in between that.
Also, I say this with the most sincerity and care, you wrote that you have nothing positive to add, but I saw something I find incredibly positive and encouraging in your post. Through your feelings of pain and doubt, you're still here, still posting, still trying, still reaching out, and still pushing forward.
💜 That gives me, and many others, much hope. Our small steps mean the world to others. Thank you for sharing and spreading Hope. 💜
@inventiveOrange1
You know what, you're trying, and that's a real success in itself. It's taking those tiny, maybe almost imperceptible steps, to keep going. Not to allow yourself to fall into that chasm that threatens to engulf you. Please try not to feel guilty, that you don't feel you're doing enough at work. It's a feat in itself that you're at work at all, and that's part of your core strength. Because you are pushing on, trying to be there for your husband, trying not to worry your mum, trying to find some semblance of normality in your life. I hear how hard that feels, how far from normal things feel right now, and I'm so very sorry. But please don't knock yourself for trying.
@DeborahUK
Feeling like all the negative messages I received as a child have been stirred today :-( Mainly thanks to the EMDR Therapist I was seeing! She rang me today and guilt-tripped me about stopping, blamed me for the fact it de-stabilised me so much. Said it had never happened with anyone else ( so it's my fault) etc etc. So I'm very upset, low, re-traumatised.
And trying to parent 2 small boys through it all :-(
@Tamba
That sounds really horrible Tamba. The last thing you need is someone not only disagreeing with a decision you've reached, but laying the blame at your feet as to why you may have edged towards that decision. Maybe it's worth remembering that whatever she may have said is purely her opinion. It doesn't make her right. Just like those negative messages you heard as a child. Yes, they may have been said, but it doesn't mean they're factual. I'm sorry your day's proving to be so tough.
@DeborahUK
Thank you :-)
@DeborahUK
This post is beautiful! Thank you! I personally cannot add words I've carried around without triggering myself (and maybe others), yet, though.
So, I'll just say that the thoughts I've grown up knowing are currently in the healing process, while I'm learning to fully embrace my child-like beliefs that allow me to feel free and completely, confidently myself! 😀
Most think my "happy-go-lucky, fudgenuts-yelling" persona is fake and that's okay! I used to cry about it because everyone believed the mean-spirited lady was my "core." When I dealt with anger and hurt, I was being "myself." That was my cage; it hurt to be vulnerable but I wanted it more than anything.
Now, those thoughts are faced with silly dances, laughter, and even hours of crying. I'm me; sappy, jolly, assertive, bold, scared, frightened, lovely, inspiring, demanding, hurt, healed, and beautiful!
Each make me beautiful, inside and out, and I think the same way about everyone I meet (even those who I may get angered by).
Enough of my rambling... Just saying:
💜💜💜💜YOU ARE ALL SO AWESOME, EXACTLY AS YOU ARE!!!! 💜💜💜💜
@Chayil
I love what you've just written! From embracing your child like beliefs to find freedom, to being sappy, jolly and inspiring, your words leap off the screen to me, because they inspire hope. That what felt so very painful, so impossible to face, so imprisoning, was broken down for you by the realisation it was okay to be vulnerable.
And it is okay to be vulnerable isn't it? Those walls we think are protecting us, they can so often prevent us being free. Thank you for sharing a little of your fudgenuts yelling, beautiful self!
@DeborahUK
You, my dear, are fantabulously awesome!
Yes! It is absolutely a vulnerable state that's become so liberating for me. Thank you :)
I absolutely love learning about others, especially the beauty they think isn't beautiful.
💜 It's like a perfect one-of-a-kind masterpiece that no one can remake, ever. 💜
Hey everyone. I've been lurking in this community for a few days. Even though I haven't posted a lot, I want you all to know that you're all helpful and you all deserve beautiful things.
I've been feeling a bit "off" today. Like I'm floating, or like I'm not really a person. These are new feelings for me, they've only really started popping up within the past few weeks. It's surreal.
Hope you're all well.
@Panamabanana. Hi there, welcome! I understand, I haven't felt quite right either most of this week, I feel like my head is floating and not connected to the rest of me, hope you have a relaxing and peaceful weekend!
@jr50 Thank you so much for sharing, that was really helpful. :)
@Panamabanana
welcome, it's good to have you here. 🙂
Today was pretty good. It's getting really hot here though, and I don't have air conditioning in my apartment or in my car so that kinda sucks. I don't much care for hot weather. But oh well. It doesn't last very long here 😜
I feel so stupid, so needy and so alone. I keep shamelessly posting things on 7 cups... reaching out but I don't know why. I'm pretty sure I shouldn't even. It's enough already from me. But I go on and on. Worried and restless. Stuck in my pointless life wasting everyone's time.
I feel like I'm taking up some one else's time or spot. A true trauma survivor that needs this space and wishes I would shut up already. I feel I'm over dramatic but I don't know what to do about it. To me, this stuff is starting to become too much in my life. I wonder how someone else would handle it and if I'm just a weak and spineless fool.
I cannot express how bad I feel having a gun here. It's really bugging me.
I probably need my meds. Am I crazy or is this unacceptable?
@themainjane
I am grateful he told me but at the same time weirded out. Why did he tell me? Is there something in himself he's afraid of? Is there something he wants me to help him with?
Hi there y'all! I am doing ok, feeling bit off and down this week, mostly I went to Dr on Wednesday for a medication update and saw that I had gained 15 lbs in 3 months, I am feeling old! But I know I really am not, hope everyone has a relaxing, enjoyable weekend, I plan to sleep. 
Morning everyone! This is such a great discussion topic, Deborah.
For me, personally, a lot of the things I've been told revolved around productivity and training and usefulness and these are things I carry around to this day, that come from that place of trauma.
It's why I cried over being unable to get a job, "Well, that's the end. I'm a useless lump because I can't work and produce and contribute to society." It's why I cried over feeling unable to graduate from school, "Well, that's the end. I'm never going to create impact." If I'm not do-ing I need to be or I need to this, or I need to that. You're responsible.
Letting go of such deep-seeded motivational 'core-codes' is exceptionally difficult! It's very hard for us as victims of trauma to sit down and say, I have intrinsic value. I don't have to work for a living. You hear that phrase? Work, for a living. This pervasive idea that's all coiled up in my own beliefs, that is so touted by society, is that if you are not working, why are you alive?
And that is some nonsense, right there.
Every one of us, no matter what, has intrinsic value as a human being. Just talking to another person, showing empathy to another person, that is contribution. So, being able to focus on things like that, has been my journey with this particular topic.
@sharkradio I so, so, SO needed to read this today.
Thank you.
My car won't start. I need to get to my insurance agent's office, it's raining, and my car won't start. Guess it's a good thing I don't work Fridays 😒
@BeeLeigh
Grrr, I really hate it when a car won't start! And why couldn't that happen yesterday when it was sunny?
We now have a check in space for Friday, so come join us there to tell us how you're getting on with that pesky car!
ROFL @DeborahUK. I grew up in a rural area with no musical ice cream truck so I never heard that one. But if you'd told me the music means they are out of ice cream as an adult, you could have saved me several embarrassing moments. Picture an older clumsy lady with extra padding, still in her Cookie Monster jammies, chasing that truck down the street waving money. That would be me. 
On a more serious note, I grew up thinking pets came from and went to heaven. I still believe that. The past few days I've been caring for my 18 yr old furry feline bed buddy, Penny. She's earned heaven many times over, but I'm selfish and not ready to let her go. So I've moved into the bedroom to be here and still with her during her illness.
Many other people would tell me, 'Well, you DO have 5 more', or 'I can cure her with a bag, some stones and a river', but not here at 7 cups. Here, people care, send supportive messages and don't tell me it's silly or wrong to love a pet so much or make jokes. I'm very happy to be part of this team and want you all to know you have a caring family here. Please don't give up. We ARE sitting with you, giving a hug or holding your hand. 
Back to the lighter side- Penny seems to be feeling a bit better today. I left her for 10 minutes this morning to get more fluids and in that time, she managed to spam poor @KristenHR several times with nonsense. My deepest apologies, Sis, but also still can't help laughing when I think of it. 
Be well, everyone!