Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check-in Friday, 5th January 2018
Hey everyone I hope you all enjoyed your holidays, I had to take a little time off to deal with personal issues but all is good now and I'm back!. today is just going to be a general checkin due to I'm currently not home and limited on time at the moment sorry.
How were your holidays? did you do anything special? what was your favourite thing that happened?
this is a safe space were you can say what ever you need to and I love you all and hope all of you feel well. *huge kass hugs to all*
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The holidays were reasonably okay this year. I got to spend a lot of time with my partner, which was nice. Overall, this was probably the best holiday season I've had in a long time.
@rainboweucalyptus
I am glad you had a peaceful Holiday season. I am happy to see you check in today! I look forward to getting to know you. Compared to some, I am rather new (slightly over a year).
I hope you have a good weekend. Please let us know if you need anything.
I have almost died- cry about it a lot.
@Softwhispers
I haven't been doing good. I am scared. Not sure why... Always scared. I don't want to be alone, but I don't want anyone to see me either.
@Softwhispers
The holidays are eXtremely for me to get through, as I do not have any family or close friends, no fond memories, or plans to look forward to,...so once the holidays are OVER Jan. 1st, I really do not want to re-hash how hard, lonely, & empty they were, or keep coming to ck-ins that are focused on the holidays (which for most of in the U.S. get well underway mid November, and stretch through to January 1st). I've not had a good day at all, & have been triggered by a lot this week. It has me at a bad place where I'd prefer my life to be done & over. My entire adult life I've work so hard to better myself, my life & circumstances, but I never fail to screw everything I've worked so hard to change, or attain. I don't sabotage things intentionally, or subconsciously, I do it simply by being myself, and trying to do right by myself, or by trying to do right by others. I just feel & believe my life is mostly composed of no-win/damned-if I-do/damned-if-I-don't situations/circumstances, & the small percentage of my life that isn't a continual series of screw-ups, lost opportunities, and (farther back) setbacks. My whole life I've tried to hold on to the hope that if I just tried harder, and harder, and did my best to change my thinking, change my behavior, change the way I communicate with others, change the way I do things, change the way I feel about certain things, and continue to challenge my perspective on things, change my attitude, change my expectations, and keep changing all of the aforementioned when those "new changes" blow up in my face. But, I'm finally realizing that with my autism, there are limits to what CAN be worked on & changed, and what (like how my brain processes information, how I communicate my thoughts to others, how much sensory input I can tolerate before I shut down physically, mentally, & emotionally, my ability to display (authentic) non-verbals, and not only "read," but understand other people's non-verbals messages...& so many other vital life & relationship skills & abilities that are critical to getting along with others, working with others, & making, growing, and keeping friends. I venture suggestions/counsel/advice will steer me toward "acceptance," but I cannot (and/or am UNwilling to) accept that I will never have the social/relational and communication skills ESSENTIAL to maintaining my independance, my sanity, have even healthy "casual" relationships, that I will not have the ability to provide for my basic needs, and ability to exist above and beyond a state of isolation. WHAT is the point to being/staying alive without these things...especially while I so absolutely alone in life???
