Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check in - Sunday, 10th September
Since this is my first time doing the daily check in: Hi everyone I'm roseMelody95!
Sometimes we all fine ourselves struggling, and not getting the support we really need. Sometimes all we really need is to be able to vent and have someone here to listen to us. So, let us know how this week has been for you. Share with us the good, bad and everything in between. Tell me your story. Sometimes even it is even just talking that we need to help to make us feel a little bit better.
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@roseMelody95
Hi
Welcome to the trauma fam! We are glad to you here and I hope you have a nice time here! :)
I'm doing okay so far and my weekend is a chilling one so yeah but I'm trying to be close to myself bc idk from where the explosion is gonna come.
PS i don't talk that much in here but when I'm in mood I do say stuff
@sensitiveShade5337 Hi! I'm glad to meet you, and that you're having a chill weekend so far! 
@roseMelody95
yeah :)
welcome @rosemelody95 good to have you with us
I feel like its been an intense week, in hindsight i've seen myself come through a couple of things, being assertive and honest, consistently tenacious but also draining.
some of the bravest and best things we do in life are the most exhausting because often it takes courage which being a trauma survivor, something we may lack (yes i feel quite philosophical today).
so i got test results, i did assignments, i got over last week (which didnt start well) and i've had enough sleep. eventually.
am i stronger for it? yes, but it was exhausting and i'm glad its over.
@Tenacity37 Thank you!
And yes, it does sound like you've had a couragous and strong week. No wonder if you feel a bit exhasted. I hope you get a change to rest up for a bit today!
I'm struggling with an assignment right now. Idk what to do and there's literally three other assignments due based on this one sometime before 11:59pmEST. My instructor doesn't like the topic I picked for a paper. But her prompts didn't leave me much choice simply because of the life I've had. This isn't exactly a topic I want to write about either, but it's the one I felt I could actually make a paper out of based on her prompts. Idk what I'm supposed to do.
I feel shame. For the first time in what feels like a long time, I feel ashamed of the life I've had. And it's completely because of this stupid assignment and this stupid instructor. *sigh* whatever. I have to get this finished 😞
@BeeLeigh It sounds like you did the best you can. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Although I know that sometimes we know that and feel shame anyway. *hug*
@BeeLeigh
I hope things are coming together for your assignment. It can be difficult to begin with a topic one may not have chosen under different circumstances. I have always noticed how creative your posts can be. Perhaps putting your unique perspective on the topic will lead to a surprisingly positive outcome. I wish you luck and believe in you.
Thank you so much @Compassionatelistener108! I did get it done, and with 23mins to spare! I liked the end result, so I hope my instructor does too. Funny enough (to my anyway), I ended up getting 23 assignments done today! Oh, school 🙃
A million thoughts race through my head, but they bounce in a bad ping pong game. I want a guy who gets me, trying not to compare them to my ex who shattered my heart, why would I need that again. Then I get beep from a messenger. . . I'm hard.
I want to walk, but I'm dizzy too much caffeine, nightmares,. . . I want to cry, but I am not alone. I do NOT want questions over my f*cked up hormones, my family either is disappointed in me or don't understand.
I want a submissive boyfriend who wants to please me, seek the mistress, not play the can I release myself game just after one night of chatting. Why can't I find a decent guy?
@Rebekahwriter13 I am sorry to hear how much you are struggling right now. Solidarity and offering you virtual hugs if you want them.
I'm doin', I guess.
Got up enough initiative to make dinner. I've stopped cooking and baking stuff due to the lack of respect and acknowledgement that I'm human in my current relationship. Been kinda frustrating because this person wants to pin everything on me, especially housework because woman=domestic work. Not like I have all this mental sh*t, starting a new career, and university to deal with. It's a struggle to even focus for a short while each day- don't need to pick up his messes.
It just pisses me off- that I'm just around because some guy wanted a mommy and to "prove" he was "normal". Freaks me out because my parents did the parentalization(sp) and infantilization thing on me. I'm tired of being in this kind of dynamic. And the gaslighting. Just all the ambient abuse that happens. I'm detaching more and more from it, but I've got a lot to work on. Been a lot of breakthroughs in my psych sessions, but it feels like the road is long to the nth degree. Glad I won't be with them forever. Life's too short.
Things have been very different lately. Not necessarily good or bad. It just feels like uncharted territory. Being mindful and trying to remain in the moment has been helpful. Learning to acknowledge and stay with very deep feelings until they are manageable is a challenge. At times, I believe it would be easier to leave them alone. Then I remember the endless cycle that occurs when I don't deal with all of the facets of important memories. It is wearing me down a little bit lately. It is a much more delicate process than I have experienced in the past.
This week has frankly been... well I was going to say shit, but that's not true. It has, though, been ALL OVER THE PLACE.
The first half of the week I wasn't sleeping... the second half of the week I started sleeping.
I have entirely changed my plans AGAIN during the second half of this week. I am now going to move in with my parents in Virginia for a while to save up money, before moving to Oregon. I also decided I didn't feel comfortable staying with the man I was going to stay with in Oregon since things had turned so intensely romantic with him. I decided I would feel more comfortable if I had enough money to pay for a place of my own to live once I got there.
Even though I am going to my parents'... at least I am getting out of L.A. ?
It's a total turnabout, because before, I was trying at all costs to AVOID staying with my parents. (My dad verbally/emotionally abuses my mom).
So... sigh. I guess anywhere is better than L.A., but now that it's actually in motion to go to my parents', I'm second-guessing everything, all over again. Part of the reason I moved away from them and to L.A. in the first place was because I wanted to get away from them and make a better life for myself.... of course, things have changed.... I have become much closer to my parents than I was at that time, and I have realized that the person I moved to L.A. with (my ex asked me to go with him there) was abusive to me.....
It seems like I'm doing a wise thing for myself, but I'm beating myself up and telling myself I'll never make it to Oregon now that I'm going all the way back to Virginia, that I don't have the energy or the strength or the follow-through.... that I don't follow through on my goals.... that I'm always changing what I want.... circumstances are always changing......
Honestly the anxiety I'm feeling is what's bothering me the most. None of the other stuff is that big a deal. The anxiety and just the sense of being a failure, of not following through on my goals, of changing my mind so often, of changes happening and me adapting along with them instead of sticking to my guns....
of not knowing or being certain of what I want. I really look down upon myself. I don't even know if I want to live in Oregon. It's so far away from my family. I don't want to live in the south, but it's where all my family is. I want to live in Oregon, but it's so far away from my family. I want to be near to my family. It isn't fair of a decision. I don't have anything in Oregon (other than an adventure), so I feel foolish for just picking up and moving there. I'm too old for an adventure (of that particular sort)... I am ready to find a partner, settle down, start a family.
I am all torn up about it. I wish you all could wave a magic wand and give me no more anxiety. It's debilitating.
What relexes snd relieves me Bathes, finishing my writings, and making an awesome meal
