Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Checkin - Thursday 15th February 2018
Hello Trauma Family, how is everyone doing out there 
Well I haven't done a checkin in a while and as my working day as come to an early and unexpected finish today (I well and truely broke my laptop 
) I decided I would post up a quote for you guys, yes I love my quotes as some of you know.
The past cannot be changed, the future is yet in your power -Unknown
Very often as Trauma Survivors we may feel as though we are defined by what has happened to us, as though we are nothing more than the trauma we have gone through and that this has shaped us into who we have become today. We may feel that with support or therapy we can magically make things better, wipe out the past as if it never happened, make all the pain disappear from our lives. But the reality is we can never change the past, it will be part of our lives but we can get to a place where it does not have to dominate our lives, where the pain does not have to cripple our day to day lives, we can learn to manage the triggers, the bad days and have much more happiness and joy and enrichment in our lives. We can begin to rebuild our lives, reclaim our lives back and become strong because of our experiences. The trauma is the past, but the future can also include so much more than what we have gone through. With healing, you can become who you wish yourself to be and no longer be a prisoner to what happened to you.
How have you begun to free yourselves and what do you want in your future?
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❤️⛺
@dancingRainbow45
Hi rainbow 🙈
@sensitiveShade5337 Hi Shade, how have you been doing? Last time I heard I thought you were taking some time away from cups to become the person you wanted to become, how has that been going?
@dancingRainbow45
yeah but I couldn't resist on coming back... maybe I shouldn't have even said it, I know how useless I am.
I haven't been well, so many things going on. I'm trying I'm trying to live..
edited by dancingRainbow45 Inappropriate language
@sensitiveShade5337 Well we always said we would be here for when you wanted to return so thats not about you being useless. Sometimes the time is just not right but it doesnt mean perhaps in the future you wont decide to spread your wings and try out new things yourelf
@dancingRainbow45 This site has helped me to begin freeing those bonds. I've always wished that I could go back, and change the past but it's not possible. So, I have to be oppomistic, and look forward to a future in which I just want to be happy. I want to be able to live not shackled down to the past. I want the love I've found to keep on going. I don't need anything fancy in my life. I just want these simple things.
@FangsInsanity Hi Fangs Its good to hear that this site has helped you to begin to feel free of those bonds. I can appreciate that feeling of wishing you could go back and change the past. How easy things would be if that could be the case, but sadly that will never happen for you or for many of the members that use this community. Sadly so many of you have been left so affected by your experiences.
There is hope after trauma and there is a future after trauma, one where you can have a life which is happier and fulfilled one in which you can choose to live a life that you want and one where your past can remain firmly shut behind a door. It wont ever go away, there will always be reminders, but they will be just that. They wont rob you of your future. Im so pleased you have begun to experience the love that can be found in life. Hold onto that and use that as a reason to keep fighting on and holding onto what you want in your life, especially on those tough days 
And living instead of existing is something to always strive for and appreciating all those small things like your post says that we can so often take for granted
@dancingRainbow45 Thank you.
I am freeing myself by realizing I can't change the past but it does not define who I am. As far as the future I just want to mean more than one thing to people.
A day closer to the weekend ~ feeling re-energised :)
@dancingRainbow45
Hi rain,, i am trying to come to terms with freeing myself from my past, big turning point for me last week learning that it was all a carefully created lie to keep me silent and keep me in the guilt and blame.. Also i am learning to allow myself to speak up when i need to, i have new psychiatrist appointment this coming week and though i am petrified of having same reaction as i did last time, i also rationally know that i need the extra support and need to overcome the no sleep, no eat and constant flashbacks and nightmares.. I am feeling a little stronger today also with some guilt.. I have started to re-think some things in my life, want to start studying in a different direction, make more of an effort to try and let people in and just try to accept my imperfections for what they are.. Hope you are well.. Hugs to anyone who would like or needs them
All i have to say it's a day by day thing to me. In the summer, my datpys seem to be better sinxe i get to go out, but winter im more stuck in with my thoughts.
hello my name is Carol and I'm 50. I've survived multiple traumatic experiences in my life from my childhood to the present. I don't want trauma to define my life anymore. It still seems that right now the flashbacks and the negative messages in my head still plague me 24/7.
I promise that I will do my best to stay safe and own my issues and only share them and how I'm coping with them. I will try and be supportive on this forum. This is rough stuff.
anyway I'm not sure what to say right now. I was looking on the forums here and seeing what kind of support I can get for this problem. I have complex post-traumatic stress disorder. Right now I don't have enough income to even utilize the therapy here on this site. Again I will do my best to stay safe. I realize that I am responsible for coping with my experiences right now. I do a lot of self-help in fact I am inventing a program to help me deal with it which consists of several angles coping with emotional distress PTSD and mental illness. So I'm pretty safe. I look forward to being part of this community. I will be a safe and supportive person on here and I'll participate with you.
thank you.
Carol
@helpfulHuman4993
Welcome to the trauma fam Carol.. I find everyone here very supportive and kind.. I am sorry that you are having negative thoughts and flashbacks 24/7 *safe hugs* if you would like them.. And i think it is inspiring that you are inventing a program to help you Sending you much love and positive energy
@helpfulHuman4993
Hello Carol, and a warm welcome to you! We are glad you have joined us here, and hope you will find what you are looking for. We support each other, sometimes giving support, other times receiving support... its about commmuity where one is accepted and understood.Like you said being safe and supportive and particpating.
Your words : "I don't want trauma to define my life any more." are strong and clear... setting a direction that you want to go in. And setting yourself a program of self help is really posiitve.. one step at a time.. and it is hard work. Have you come across mindfulness? it can be worth pracrtsing and is helpful in coping with flashbacks. Just take your time to feel comfortable here.. I think you'll find we're a friendly bunch. x
I was stood up today, and I'm very upset.
I thought i really liked the guy.
@Rebekahwriter13 Hey Rebekah, really sorry to hear that you were stood up today, that can't have felt good for you How long had you known this guy? Has he stood you up before or is the first time?
@Rain45
I've known him about 9 months, we met once before, so this is why I'm devastated that he did this.
@Rebekahwriter13 It must feel devastating for you Rebekah and when we like someone it can feel like a very bitter blow when we feel like that care is not reciprocated. Is this an online relationship or have you know this person in real life? Sometimes things do come up for people but usually they would let the person know they couldnt meet. Have they made any contact with you at all since?
@Rain45
I met them once before so I thought they would meet again.
Yes its all a mess. I told them my real feelings and they blocked me.
@Rebekahwriter13 Thats sad to hear Rebekah but you know what, its their loss. I know it hurts you right now,. but perhaps they just are not the right person for you. People dont deserve to be treated like this. You dont deserve to be treated like this. People who care about one another dont treat one another like this. Im so sorry he did this to you Sending safe hugz
Hi. A really worthwhile message for today...regarding working through triggers without thinking we have to divest ourselves of the past first. About focussing on what we want to become and do and be; about how we want to behave and speak; about whst we want our life to look like; and how we can be proactive in that.
This is all right in line with some recent events for me. And maybe...a bit of bresjthrough and further insight:
I know now that there is usually a profound shift and greater level of health waiting for me just beyond an extremely triggering moment/experience.
--> It's challenging to do, but if (close to that moment) if I can ask myself "What is the new choice available to me here? What is ready to be healed? " and wait for that answer.... then I shift sooner and come back to center sooner.
I say it's challenging to do because almost everything in me wants to freeze up or panick into thinking I have backslid and that there is no way out....OR ...to freeze up/panic and think SOMEONE else should help me carry me or comfort me FIRST....
truth is, i need my own answer to that first, which self-empowers,; NEXT I should do some personal self care that nourishes grounds and centers me (part of which should be something physical that gives all that adrenaline someplace to go and something constructive to do🙄, and THEN I should talk to someone else.
Finally finding the right order for this is really key for me. Especially since that part of me that didn't have trustworthy external support for so many decades really wants to hand it over to someone else/not have to be my own parent.🙄🙂🙃
