Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check-in Thursday 19th October 2017
Good morning all!
In acknowledgement of survivors of trauma who daily live with more than most people could even begin to understand.
"You are braver than you believe,
stronger than you seem,
and smarter than you think." Christopher Robin, Winne the Pooh.
Nothing more to add.
How is your day going? What has encouraged you this week? Do you need some support today? Or pop in to say hi! Love to hear from you. This is your space and a safe place. x
@rozie
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Well, I had to skip my 8am class again, but i at least emailed our professor. I'm taking the time to research abuse and trauma and trying to just stick it out until Friday, so we can make it to vacation. After that, just gotta make do until our therapy appointment. Wish us luck
@seastargalaxies Sorry to hear the day started off rough, but I'm glad you turned it about and made some use of it. It's good to do research and understand ourselves, then we can better change. Best wishes, and enjoy your holiday. 
@Raveninthelabrynth Thanks;v; Yeah, I'm pretty excited for it pfft
@seastargalaxies Aww hon, keep yer chin up. A rough few dayse and then some sure. It's up to you how you face your holiday. Walk into it clean with a smile and enjoy yourself for a few whiles. It's ok and we're even allowed to have some fun from time to time. 
@rozie
Have some good news :)
Just got out of the hopsital - yes, good news....
but what I am referring to is that my shrink is finally taking my DID and trauma and POTSD expiriences into concideration . I have to carry a journal with me everywhere I go and record everything that I can....this is a huge step because I felt so not heard or understood at all by him before.
Also, my crappy pysch ward expirience just proves to me how strong I really am <3
And I am getting crissis/trauma couseling free of charge starting this or next week - got bumped up the list 0 thank god...beeen waiting for over 5 months already. And was calling the hoelpline FROM the hospital every night..
I just feel I t is happeneing, I am starting to get the right help from the right people now and I do not feel so alone anymore. <3
@blissedNblessed Huge Huge Hugs hon. I'm sorry you had a miserable experience, but I'm glad you got things properly set up now.
Welcome Home hon.
@Raveninthelabrynth
Thank you . hugs.
was the worst ever.
no one talked to me about anything.
no one helped me.
they gave me the " booty shot" and sedated me for 2.5 days ( no food or water) only bc i raised my voice :(
pinned me down to do it ^cries
i was not even fighting them.
and i called a crisis helpline each night just to get help.
was worst expirience ever - but proved to me how strong i am and how strong I will have to contrinue to be so i never go back there.
@blissedNblessed Oh Dear, I'm so sorry it went like that hon. Hugs.
In school at the moment, but I'll be home in the evening and check in.
@Raveninthelabrynth
I will never go back to a hospital psych ward ever again...looks like I have to deal with this myself ;( ... and I don't think I can.
@blissedNblessed
glad you are being heard and that things are beginning to happen for you.
@themainjane
Thank you.
yes, I am being heard from shrink and therapist -
but the whole thought that I was getting bumped up for the free couseling waiting list...i had that all wrong - just referrals.
I could not even get anyone to answer the phone lines when i called.
I am beginning to think i can't do this anymore.
@blissedNblessed
you can do this. Keep at them and keep asking around here. Maybe someone will have some suggestions as how to help in getting help.
And then when all else fails and in the meantime and always, etc — just hold on. 💜
@blissedNblessed
So glad to hear you are starting to get the right help from the right people. And you've found out how strong you are.. to know this will also help you to get through. Most of all we're pleased to have you back with us. Hugs x
@rozie
Thanks.
I am glad to be back too.
Sadly, not getting the hel pI thought I was...but still am trying to fight for myself.
Jus worried about another breaking point -
lol, but this time I will not go to any hospital.
ugh - why is this so hard :(
Hugs everyone who needs them. Still fragile. Trying not to be. Missing grandparents on first Diwali without them. Got another week to give this all a go.
@inventiveOrange1
💛
@inventiveOrange1 Time hon. With time alle fades. Do your best to enjoy your festival though you feel the loss.
Celebrate! Live as your Grandparents would wish you to live and make them proud and happy.
Yours comes first though.
Thank You for checking in, please hon as always don't hesitate to reach out to any of us here. :)
Hope Kite is okay. Has anyone heard?
@themainjane
No news so far.. will let you know if I hear anything. She is very much in mind.and lots of good vibes going her way from us all. x
@rozie
thanks, rozie.
I had a bit of a meltdown yesterday. People here are trying to help me and I
@themainjane Hugs Jane.
It's ok to have an off day, we all have them.
Sorry, havn't heard from kite today but that's no worry. Kite will keep us alle aware when something is known and is ready I'm quite sure. Our thoughts and prayers are there with yours.
No worries tho, I'm here if you wish or need me and so are others.
Much love Jane, seek the good things.
@Raveninthelabrynth
kinda having an off life.
seek the good things. maybe I can
@themainjaneKnow that I care about you. I read your posts when you check in here, pray for you, and wish I had more support & encouragement to offer you. Things in my life just seem to keep going from bad to ➡ worse to ➡horrific. I'm trying so hard to do all I can to make my life work, to hold myself & my life together...but things outside my realm of control... keep collapsing all my efforts. I'm tired, worn out, depleted, and at a loss at what to do anymore to hold my sinking-ship-of-a-life afloat. Anyway, @themainjane, as frustrating as it is as times not to have the care, encouragement, and support you long for from those you consider your friends here, don't mistake my (our) silence as no longer caring. Sometimes I'm just able to care for others here from my "collapse" mode...caring in my heart & mind moreso than from my finger tips to write, or send you a comment. Keep doing those things that you know will make you feel positive about yourself. Accomplishing things that "make you feel better about yourself, and your recovery journey" doesn't need to include anything huge like getting into grad school, running in a marathon, or losing weight if you're dieting. Honestly, for me...getting stronger & staying in the fight called "life" consists of making several small, but remarkably "better" choices all day long. Choosing NOT to hit the snooze button on my alarm clock 7+ times every morning, choosing to finish doable tasks that I start, deciding to wash, dry, and put away dirty dishes, instead of leaving them in "soak mode" for dayS at a time, taking clean clothes out of the dryer, folding/hanging them, and putting the clothes where they belong...instead of taking item after item out~ one-at-a-time, only on an "as-needed" basis). Remember, especially on your bad/"off" days, that you are a gift 🎁 to me, and to many others here on 7 Cups 💟 Be as patient with yourself as you are with others you encourage here on 7 Cups❗
@caterpillargirl
Nice to have you here with us Cat. I like your idea of choosing to do these small tasks each day, and then they all add up to accomplishing something. Wishing and hoping it will gradually get better for you. How are the pooches doing in their new home? Hugs x
@rozie
Wanted to add thanks for a lovely check/in. Short and sweet reminders are good to have.
@rozie
@themainjane
@rozie
Hi Rozie, my dogs are adjusting, but they mostly just sleep all day because when I'm home, that's all I do. I've nose-dived into a worsening depression due to two serious knock-down issues...battles there's no use fighting because there's no winning on my end of things. I've barely unpacked from my move because the combination of my mono that's not getting better, and two majorly stressful & impactful devastations that hit me only a couple weeks apart has breathed life back into my suicidal longings. They only seem to be getting worse, and the only way I know to stay safe has been going to bed and sleeping. The only problem is, I usuay wake up feeling even more defeated and depressed. I go to a therapist every two weeks, and he knows what is pounding me face-down on the ground, but honestly, I get the sense he'd rather not work with me because he's starting to see that there really is no way to help me. I'd rather not elaborate on both of two new losing battles, but the first stressor has to do with the case manager, who has been (MIS)managing my moving/housing grant falsified records and extorted/stole the $1,000 that was earmarked for household needs & furniture. It took 18 long, grueling months of battling a crooked gov Community Mental Health clinic to oversee the grant funds, and finally when I thought I finally gotten through that battle by having a case worker at that Mental Health clinic agree to be the "middle man" between myself, and the Gov Housing Corporation (who awarded me the $2,000 Grant), and now half the grant funds are gone and probably unrecoverable. If you care to know the second significant trial that blew up in my face this week, it's explained in Monday's, (Oct. 16) daily check-in by Hoxenos. If you are interested in reading about it, go back to that check-in, and my series of posts, (some in response to Hoxenos & wizeakre's replys) are towards the end of that day's check-in. Staying alive, and continuing to fight never-ending trials and battles that I canNOT win, and am tired of "coping" with isn't worth it...especially since I'm SOoooooo alone with all my problems in "real life" (offline...where I geographically exist), and moreso because I honestly and truly want my life to end. That will be the ONLY way these trials, and my constant suffering and pain will end...for GOOD.
@caterpillargirl
Oh I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through all this. Just when you thought the move was going to open up the next chapter for you. Life has a habit of doing this to us. Please check in with your doctor .. being depressed can lead to seeing only one way through. And think of your doggies.. they depend on you. If you want to talk some more just message me. And look at Jane's reply.. you helped her, and we are here in support of you too. Hugs. x
@caterpillargirl
Thank you so much for your words. And I know youve been busy trying to deal with life. I dont know what happened but it doesnt sound pleasant or easy.
You gave some good advice about pushing myself. And yes, that does look very much like completing small tasks for me as well. BETTER decisions. Little by little Im learning to put in the effort.
Is it work? Did something happen at work? Whatever it is I hope youre okay.
Today is great.I went out and cleaned the nearby forest by the sea from all the trash.The toe I broke is almost fully healed but have to wear a bandage for 10 more days.I had a huuuuge ugly cry like 10 minutes ago.I realized that I want to visit my mom's grave.I haven't been there for at least 2 years.I was very scared to go there.Especially now, when the grief has started, every thing hurts like million times more than it used to.I managed to reach out to my partner and tell him about my wants and the plan to go there.He agreed to come with me which is a huge relief.I'm very scared to do this but I feel like I'm finally ready to go there again.I try to not be hard on myself for not being able to go there for such a long time as well.I've started to feel compassion and emphaty towards myself.Before it was a very alien thing for me to do so.Overall...This has been very transformative time in my life.Trying to welcome it all and give in instead of resisting the changes that are happening.
@Morfo66 That's cool of you Morf. Conservation projects are always personally rewarding and our duty. We are the Stewards of this planet, I respect you for doing your part to preserve our fagile ecosystem. :) Sorry on your toe but glad it's coming along.
I truly am sorry for your loss, and I fully understand as I too have had many. I would like to share the perspective of my people with you on our visitations if I can. My people traditionally bury the bodies of our loved ones in secret places, but put a marker for alle on a road. Only on certain occasions we visit the secret resting place, but pass the markers and remember. In my culture one in this world thinking kindly on one in the other world gives them life, hope, and strength in what they do there. To my kind it's a matter of being mindful towards our beloved that is what it is alle about. Perhaps you may take some comfort in this and ease your woe from guilt. Do visit, but as they say here "It's the thought that counts.".
Find peace my friend.
@Morfo66
I'm so proud of you! That you have allowed yourself to grieve, and have found compassion and empathy for yourself... its new but you're getting adjusted to it. It has indeed been a transformative time in your life. Well done. And now you're ready to go back to your mother's resting place, and naturally you're scared, but with support it will be timely for you I think. We're here with you. x
Hi everyone.
Today is one of those days that is an absolute struggle. I am not sure what happened that caused it but last night, one minute all was well and everyone was working together and the next we were binge eating, refusing to take a sleep aid and refusing to quit yelling all night. It is like my alters are at war and I am stuck in the middle of it all. I don't know. I don't even understand or remember what they are yelling about...it's like something happened before I was born and they are still fighting about it. It is really intense though. The emotions are overwhelming when they do that. I woke feeling like I have a hangover but didn't drink.
So, is baby steps today. I am slowly making it through my to do list and have marked off anything unimportant or anything I don't feel comfortable with doing today. Not all the way back to square one but definatly went back a few steps.
@TeenyTinyAppy (((HUGE HUGS)))
Two steps forward and one step back is still forward progress my friend.
You're alrite hon, relax and enjoy a film or a book.
You know we're here for you. :)
I'm a very picky, complicated person as I feel most people who had trauma are. . .
I lost an ex in January and for months I thought I was doing fine, but Halloween is his favorite holiday and I can't stop thinking about him. I've tried to date, but I just can't stop comparing others to him and they don't add up. Anyone else been through this. . .
@Rebekahwriter13
I haven
@Rebekahwriter13
and hey, maybe I
Hi everyone! I'm a listener and here to pay it forward for the amazing support I received through my own trauma recovery.
Today...in surprised by how recovery has its own timetable - it takes as long as it takes...and can rear up when least expected. To all my fellow trauma survivors: I salute you. I honor you. I admire how you got out of bed, or how you chose to stay in bed. I respect every boundary you set. I respect every moment you went beyond your own edges. There's no right or wrong way to handle your trauma and I learn so much from being in community with fellow survivors- whether they are designated as listeners or members here on 7 cups. Happy Thursday. Good luck Thursday. 💜💜💜💜💜💜
@Tesora
Thank you so much for your encouraging words! Agree that we learn and grow and heal in community and glad to have you here with us. Happy Thursday to you too! x
@Tesora I just checked out this thread. I've not been super active here but feeling like I could use some community of fellow trauma survivors. Today I was really disconnected from my body. In therapy (Hurrah for a great therapist) today it really hit me how this disconnection is totally tied to my trauma and to not trusting my or listening to my body. I want to be better at nurturing myself... That starts I think with acknowledging how my trauma has shaoss me but doesn't have to define me. Thanks for listening.
@WonderGRRL I'm so happy to hear you have a great therapist 💜 thank you for sharing something so intimate to trauma...that feeling of being out of our own bodies. I hope today has had some good moments for you 😊
@WonderGRRL
Hi and a warm welcome to you! We're glad you've joined us here and hope you find the support you are looking for. Good on you for wanting to nurture yourself better and starting on this path to healing. x
