Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check-in Thursday, 7th December 2017
Hello My Friends,
Today is bringing us closer to the weekend, where hopefully some of us can relax from the weekend off work or school. It might be a time to have fun with the kids or friends and family. It might be a time to just get out and get some fresh air.
As you check in today, how are you doing?
What goal(s) would you have for today if you've thought about them?
How can the Trauma community support you during thie time?
I look forward to hearing from you! Have the most awesome day you can.
KristenHR
@KristenHR
I keep having panic attacks like five minutes ago but I think I followed the instructions from S. about how stop them so that has kind of worked. I am just feeling less scared than normal but really easy to get upset, if that makes sense. Today a weird day so Granny and Granddad are coming to drop daddy's car and then mommy and me will take them to the airport. I am not sure what time they will here but it is not long. My goal today is to not cry to much, I will see them soon and hopeful now they have been here maybe they could come more often even if it is cold. Still, that is one of todays goals, I also have to a four last chapters of a book (because I am reading too many at the same time). I am not sure not sure how the trauma community can support me, just be happy I guess.
@AmalieAnne
Thanks for sharing! I'm sorry you've been having panic attacks, but so glad that some of the skills you are using are helping you and that you are less scared. I hope you have a good visit with your grandparents even if it's short.
Here's to sending you warm wishes for a day that has less tears in it, There is nothing wrong with crying, but I sure understand that it can get old when it happens a lot. I hope you continue to have a better day and all goes well for you! Know we're here if you need us.
@KristenHR Thank you, I keep waking up at night but so far I have read a chapter and was practicing a drawing. I will see granny and granddad later, then I have to wait for Christmas not sure what day we are flying but only 19 sleeps or bedtimes 
I kind of hope things will get better today. Tomorrow I have to go to the stupid hospital so that will be fun (it will not), they scare me. It is almost time to awaken the mommy 
@AmalieAnne
Have things gotten any better for you today?
@KristenHR I think Granny and Granddad said goodbye so that was a bit of crying but only 17 days before Christmas. Today is going ok I think. Thank you for asking.
@KristenHR
As you check in today, how are you doing?
Sleepy and tired
What goal(s) would you have for today if you've thought about them?
I want to damn learn how to relax
How can the Trauma community support you during thie time?
You're already doing great job :)
@conscientiousPineapple1782
Any particular reason why you are sleepy? Not sleeping well or working too much?
Relaxing is a good idea. Have you been able to check into any resources for learning relaxation skills? You might check out the mindfulness subcommunity to see what tools they have there to help with relaxation. They have some good resources there for relaxation.
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❤️
@melliotm
Thank you!
@melliotm
Hugs Elliot!
Hope the day is treating you well. 
@PenguinsCrossing
Thanks ❤️ likewise (and it's Mel, or melli, or Mellio 😊🙏🏾🌈🐢)
A got a bit further in a diagnosis process today. Too tired to explain it all, the process is wiping me out. Just wanted to tell you guys. I really feel like I got nothing left right now.
@Kuma0187
Congratulations on making progress on the diagnostics. It sounds like some good ole TLC is needed. Please rest if you can and when you feel up to it, shareif you want to.
@Kuma0187
I hope you receive some peace through the process, I know how uncertainty can exhaust you just as much as the cause! We're meant to be a little uncertain about many things it makes us think deeply and motivates interest in finding answers. Life holds all potential so it can never be certain, it can only be given meaning upon animation from a conscious subject. Keep in mind on your embark, the journey is what can reveal clues and answers. It may be a tough terrain but there seems to be a correlation between being stuck in a hard place and finding treasure.
Fault lines cause rigidity, but they also cause gold.
@KristenHR
Weekend! yay! yeah I'm wanting to go out today perhaps with my sister, I am taking a super slow lazy day today of just learning new things required for work, so that is nice. This weekend I have no plans, yet.
@PenguinsCrossing
Yay! I'm glad to hear you are having a relaxing day and weekend. :) That sounds wonderful!
In this moment physically, I am well, though I now wish I had eaten a more sustaining breakfast, I will reference for future. Mentally, I am feeling creatively productive, words have been flowing from my fingers to the screen! I am a writer at heart but new to the roots, so to speak (just beginning to apply myself) and am becoming aware of the degree writing truly uplifts. I knew it helped but I didn't realize the clarity it entailed in practice with meditation. Spiritually, I am in need of some nature for some rejuvenation, thinking I will walk before lunch.
My focus goals for this day; continue research and writing, deeply organize 3 areas on my list, and dedicate at least 20 fully attuned minutes with Trāṭaka meditation. 🕯️🔥
Thank you for providing this space to open and share,
I wish you all inspiration and aspiration!
@Consciousawakening
I'm glad to hear you are doing well and having plans to improve what you can. It sounds like you have some great goals.
Do you like to write anything in particular or anything currently while you're new to writing?
@KristenHR
Thank you for your interest! As of late, I have been working on a philosophical "thesis", more so it's just a place to dump my perspectives on what matters in life and my understandings of how it's all tied together. Adding esoterics and theosophies trying to correlate the many ideas of existence. It just helps clear the mind and keeps from derealization.
@KristenHR hey there. we're doing alright today. Exhausted though.
Our goal is to try to relax before work. We have a lot of trouble relaxing and not worrying. (Please dont suggest meditation, as we have a dissociation disorder and meditation triggers our dissociation)
We're going to try to unwind with light tasks like tv and guiding a journaling session for our friends. I'm worried we wont feel calm though.
-Lion System
@Amenanak
I hope you found some ways to relax before work today. I personally have found writing, reading and intentional muscle relaxation to be helpful to relax. Have a good day at work!
hello all
It's been a hard night for me. Had my 3rd run in with my Therapist. This has really killed my night and my day. I never knew how therapy worked but this is plain old craziness and I just don't understand what is being said to me.Our arguments are over dumb stuff like me asking how are you, or take care of your self and she flips. So she can ask me about me but because I am a client I don't have the right to ask you something as simple as how are you and you take it to a whole new level. Last straw was her saying she gets irritated with people having Fake relationships, Come on. There is nothing fake about anything I have said to her. That was just Rude and Ugly. I don't need this kind of stress from someone I am paying to help me.
IF I AM WRONG THEN SOMEONE EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT? AS A CLIENT AND THERAPIST RELATIONSHIP TELL ME WHAT MY PLACE IS. SHE FEELS I AM TRYING TO PROTECT HER AND SHE Does NOT NEED MY PROTECTION. I WAS TRYING TO SHOW COMPASSION AND CONCERN NOT BE HER PROTECTOR.
Well anyway I am done
. I
@scarletPear1945
In my experience, I went to a few different therapists that didn't click with me before I found one who really helped me be able to help myself. The first one didn't speak much, which can be good- they're usually receptive get you to flow from your own subconscious, but in that time of my life, it made me uncomfortable for so many reasons-the drafty sitting area, someone trying to get to know me when I wasn't sure if I was ready to know myself, the anticipation of wanting to change my way of thinking. The second therapist I visited was by the book and wanting to try new techniques and I was appreciative but still just didn't feel I connected, it felt more like work than unravelling my mind. When the session ended I was glad it was over and I could get back to life. There were few between I can't even recall they were so off beat from me! Then I found someone I could work with, she was highly attuned to my mindset, she was interactive giving me tasks such as art therapy and articles to read, and if she saw me nervous when I first arrived (often I would be shaking and foot she would guide me through a body calming meditation. When those sessions ended I was excited to take with me what I had learned, both the tools to live with and information about myself I once only thought was bad quality rather than a changeable outcome of my past.
It's best to still give them a chance because sometimes they just need to know you better before they can know how you specifically will benefit. And know you don't have to like the person to make progress, sometimes that clashing can reveal things too. But if given enough time and you still aren't feeling progress, don't give up on therapy know there are many people out there open to you and many styles of therapy!
@Consciousawakening
It glitched!
but I had meant shaking and foot jiggling in the parenthesis.
@Consciousawakening
Thanks for the reply. I have tried 3 times and only remained because I did try to see if maybe I am the one with the attitude of just not knowing how to interact with therapy. I had purposely not had therapy because of loss of life the first time. The Psychiatrist I was talking to told my abuser everything I had shared with my abuser who was my dad. My dad played it really cool while at the hospital, but came to my room and told me what the doctor said. He gave me one yellow rose and left. I thought all was ok, till I got out and my dad said to me on the way home from the hospital that he would kill me and dump my body in the woods and no one would ever find my body. He drove me to a motel and raped me and said if I tell again I was going to die.I never told him anymore so I always flashback. I know I am safe now because he is dead but my mind does not see that I am still afraid of therapy. The other time it was just silence and a male that I just could not talk to.. My therapist now I hear and see my mother who was very vindictive and suspicious of everything My therapist triggers emotions I had about my mom that would make it impossible for me to work with
My therapist is a good lady and I think a good therapist but it is something wrong when simple statements flip her in to wondering my intent, and telling me Not to be concerned about how she feels this is about me. Sorry for being human
@scarletPear1945
No need to apologize for showing your humanity, I appreciate this and your endurance! I feel some of the hidden gems of trauma is the humility to share and empathy to relate. It only makes sense you feel this, anyone would be likely to make an association like that if therapy caused them even more grief. This makes me wonder if it has more to do with the environment being a trigger. I may be biased, as I get triggered and have derealization in environments like my old house or certain scents that remind me of that house. I can only imagine you would have those flashes of what you had told the therapist and the turn of events that caused, maybe the flashes with the therapist setting and the pressing fear in the moments after made you subconsciously feel unsafe in those rooms, they generally are pretty intimidating rooms even without a cause for a negative association. I am no therapist so don't take my word, but I know it can help to bounce around thoughts!
If this is a possibility, I would still keep trying with conventional therapy as the consistent exposure with a positive outcome will break that established association, but maybe look into adventure therapy if it's an option and you like an adventure. Maybe also talking with your therapist to try having sessions elsewhere if this is allowed, or finding a therapist who's environment can help you relax, or a therapist you can deeply trust.
It may also help if the time leading up to a session you try some kind of routine that will help prepare you; breath work, pouring yourself into a book, guided meditation, taking a stroll. Something to empty the mind. I have to do this for so many events that I can never seem to look forward to and if I don't I get so wound up I over-visualize it all only to work myself up even further until I am so tight and nauseous I throw up.
I really hope you find some relief! Healing is a life-long journey, but when you reflect in time the edges of the blade do dull.
@Consciousawakening
Thanks for sharing about your experiences. I too had to keep looking before finding someone who was a great match.
@scarletPear1945
@scarletPear1945
@scarletPear1945
@scarletPear1945
Sometimes the therapist we try isn't the right fit for us. Some are much more relaxed than it sounds like your therapist is. You said this is your third session? If you're uncomfortable as she doesn't seem to hear your words as being considerate, have you considered any other options for yourself for counseling or is that even and option?
@KristenbHR
I just don't feel it's anything I want to attempt anymore. I have had her since early November but this is our third run into. The last statement last night that said she gets irritated with people who fake a relationship cut deep and hard. I did not fake anything with her. Her issue with me was because I asked how she was doing, I ask if she was taking care of herself after she stated she had not been so present with me because she was ill. I meant no harm asking her those questions. But she blew up magnified why I was so concerned about her taking care of her self. and said it's not about her it's about me but I ask from compassion and concern not as she says I am trying to protect her and she doesn't need protection she takes care of herself. She stated I was the client and definded the client role.
I'm not doing so good today.
One goal today is to tell my therapist the truth and say everything I need to say.
I'm new to this group so I not sure how it can help.
@Longday08
Welcome Longday to the trauma subcommunity. I'm sorry to hear you are not doing well. I hope you will find that you can open up and be truthful with your therapist on how you are doing and share what needs to be said. I'm sending you encouraging thoughts.
In addition to the forum, we offer discussion topics in group and in the forum. You might want to check them out as well.
Here is the link to the Trauma Forum Discussions. I can't find the support group discussions right now, but will see if we can get the days and times listed for you to check out should you desire to do so. I do know open chat is Wednesday's from 4:30 to 6:00 pm Eastern time. The moderators and co-hosts split time there since it is a longer session. There are others that have a focused topic too.
@dancingRainbow45
@KristenHR
It didn't go as well as I had hoped. I tried to be truthful and say what I needed to. It's just when I'm there it's gets too hard to actually talk about.
@KristenHR
Hi, Kristen and everyone.
I'm a bit rattled today. My priorities are scattered and I'm trying to find what would be best or what I want to do concerning my projects and such. My anxiety is also a bit high due to some recent conflict. Not to mention going out for the holidays is especially disconcerting. My goals for today are getting some of my math studies done- maybe make it to the second big chapter. Also, pick which resource(s) I wish to use for my comp sci studies. That one has been really tough for me- there's so much I want to learn. Oh! And I've got therapy later.
As far as being supported by the community... I'm not sure. All I know is it's been a bit tougher than usual because of facing stuff head on and being more "awake".
@CaloenasNicobarica I