Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check-in Tuesday 10th July 2018
Good morning all!
Reflecting today on how we can become "stuck" .. how no matter what we try it doesn't make a difference.We are still stuck where we are. And I mean we've really tried .. we've tried just about everything! Why doesn't anything work? Is it because we have become rigidly fixed within a view of who we are (this is just the way I am) and therefore unable to view possibilities outside this fixed view.More of the same leads to more of the same. Does this resonate with you?
To get "unstuck" it may be that we need another view... another perspective. By stepping outside of ourselves,it expands our view of what we are capable of, our thinking and our emotional awareness. Research supports this idea that "distancing " from a problem "enhances" reasoning and aids in finding new solutions from a broader perspective. In "Psychological Science" August 2014, a study by Grossman and Kross reported that there is more wise reasoning as an outside observer. The first person perspective resulted in poorer reasoning.
So how to distance ourselves and look at the situation/problem as an outside observer. It can be helpful to ask ourselves the question" what would someone who knows us well say, what would a good friend say? It may be surprising how this distance or other perspective gives opportunity for new ideas and options.."Creativity can solve almost any problem.The defeat of habit by originality overcomes everything." George Lois
How is your day going? Do you think distancing and another perspective may be helpful in situations/problems where you feel "stuck"? Or pop in to say hi! You are welcome here. This is your space and a safe place. x
@rozie
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Not in a good place right now so just a hi
@crimsonLime6525
Hi to you Lime and good to have you here with us. Sorry to hear you are not in a good place....do let us know how we can support you. We are a community who are there for each other and especially when the going gets tough. x
@rozie May sound stupid but I don
@rozie
I have been really struggling with staying present and have been switching a lot these last couple days. Falling into my old role, the happy optimist me forgetting all about the pain and the sorrow. Conquering the world but loosing myself in the proces.
It is just that my present is not a very happy place right now and the easiest thing to do is switch. But I guess I am going to have to face up to my problems and deal with them before they deal with me. I am very happy that there are some awesome listeners here that can help me get unstuck, 'cause stuck is stuck. I will probably learn those skills but right now I need all the help I can get to get out of this mess.
I think my own thoughts and ideas speak a lot louder than what I can imagine someone else speak. That is where I am at right now so I can't do this by myself yet.
With one positive there, I learned today that I should not beat myself up over not being able to cope right now but to celebrate how far I have come already. Just the fact that I am actually asking for help now is like MAJOR progress.
@nolongerafraid
Wholeheartedly agree Mas.. its okay to be just how you are.But so good to hear you celebrating how far you have come and that asking for help is indeed MAJOR progress. As we keep saying, noticing the steps we are taking, even the smallest ones.
And your awareness of where it is at is a positive too, as it lets you know that support from others is going to help you to move out of this "stuckness" We all need each other, and especially at times when the going gets tough. Stting here with you. x
@rozie
Thanks Rozie! 💖
Hi Rozie
I find it to be soothing when I imagine a friend had the same problems as me and I wouldn't say harsh things to them, I imagine caring for my friend in my head and it makes me feel a little better. I have trouble believing it all the time, but for the short term it is helpful.
I finally got a doctors appointment today, and I have started a combination of medicine to try and help. I'm not that hopefull, but its better than staying how I am currently.
I am having trouble with my sister today, she has learning disabilities, but she can function if she wants to. But at the moment she is behaving like a child. She is being deliberately awkward. And certain things are being blamed on her disability, but I have seen more than most people, she plays it up. Things just take her a bit longer to grasp, but she can still do everything, it really bothers me that other people don't see that. I don't know how to cope with her, she doesn't care that I have problems, I don't talk to her about anything, she doesn't understand or care how hard she is making it for me. I really need a break. I would be perfectly happy to never see her again.
Ugh, I sound like a horrible person. She was a horrible bully when we were children. She added extra emotional abuse that I got from other people too. Everyone brushes off the abuse but it hurt me so bad. It wasn't normal, it still isn't normal, and I just want it to stop.
Love and hugs
@rozie
Feel stuck lots times, stuck in bad images, no stopping or making go away.. feel scared and sad, try ground but not do it alone, hard do it alone, gots good friends here that help though, very grateful.. but feel bad cause want not be scared all time 🙁
Hello, my day is going ok , not so bad , not so good. I do think distancing and another perspective is helpful. I had the great opportunity to go to another country and live for a couple of months there. Being there I had to understand how different the world can be from a place to another, different perspectives and ways of life, also a different me. It was so hard at first, especially with my mental illness in the point it was before the trip but having that change helped me to make a real, important step in recovery. Now that I'm back home I hope I can keep moving forward although is hard to be in a place with so many memories and bad feelings.
@rozie
It's 3a.m. and I can't sleep and I just found out some stuff about my childhood that is so overwhelming that I suppressed it and don't remember it (the person who shared this with me is someone I trust a lot) I asked her if she ever knew of any time I had been sexually abused as a child because I have been questioning that a lot lately because of certain things I've learned about trauma and she told me about what happened and so many other things that it's overwhelming. And if anyone knows about the ACE study (Adversive Childhood Experiences, what I found out tonight puts my score at a 10/10 and I have no idea how I am functioning if I had that much trauma.
Also, I am waiting to find out if I got into a group home in a state about 8 hours from where I grew up. In about 11 hours I will be technically homeless somewhere that I don't know anyone... and it's scary but that leads into the question about distancing. I think that being away from where all of my trauma happened is going to be a necessary component to healing. Once I started distancing myself from my abuser I started to heal but I have literally been stuck and it's led me to being homeless where i know no one.
@rozie
Hi Rozie,
I've certainly felt stuck for a lengthy amount of time, and within that time, I had desperately wanted to get to a new or different mental space.
Throughout that time, I had chased after all kinds of perspectives. Some were helpful and some probably not so much. I pushed myself and I've also been pushed by external factors, or other people, to challenge myself emotionally.
I think I have finally moved out of the stage that I have been stuck in for such a long time. However, it is at this point that scares me the most. My decisions now hold so much weight, because I've become fully aware. Instead of being oblivious, hiding, or escaping, I now have and need to take control over my future.
Perhaps I might fall back into the place that I was stuck in, because it is familiar. It has now become the lesser evil compared to the vastness of the unknown future.
