Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check-in Tuesday 26th September 2017
Good morning all!
Hoping that Tuesday is a better day for you! Just to get through one day at a time is enough.So at the end of the day we can say I did "as best I can."
And a reflection for today : When our suffering and pain is persistent as it is with PTSD/ C-PTSD, our tendency is to want to do something about it, to fix it, to get over it. But in the words of Roland Bal: "Its not about doing something, its is about learning to disengage from reacting to your emotions and being present in awareness." He suggests that without reaction and identification, your past emotional residue no longer impacts on the present.
And if this is all too much to comprehend, a word from Winnie the Pooh.: "When all else fails, take a nap."
How is your day going? What do you think about the reflection? Does mindfulness help you? What's going to make your day today? Love to hear from you.This is your space and a safe place. x
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"When all else fails take a nap"
Unfortunately I got out of my bed to turn my alarm off, got back in my bed, and took a nap 😜
So, I woke up at 8:26 and I have to leave at 8:40. Today's going fantastically well so far 😜😂🙃
@BeeLeigh
B, we need to put you to bed earlier too! - 🤗 ((hugs)) Some coffee and oatmeal to get ya going, you got this! 💕💕
@KatieMoon1
I somehow magically got to work 2mins early. There may have been some speeding involved 😇🤷🏼♀️🙃
@BeeLeigh
B!!!!!! 😡😬 Be careful! 💕💕💕
@KatieMoon1
Hey, speeding can mean 45 in a 35. Or 50. Listen, I've been driving the same exact streets for 7yrs. I got dis 😜
@BeeLeigh
@CaloenasNicobarica
thanks for this post, lovely and so so true.
@rozie
a nap is always a good answer. :)
A nap yesterday prevented me from making a stupid decision that would have just left me ill and uncomfortable. For once a nap was the lesser of two evils!
I think I'm a professional napper but I need to find a new job.
Speaking of which, I must bring myself to call my boss. I haven't done right by her and now it's this whole insurmountable thing in my head.
I really like the idea of taking a nap! But, alas, I have therapy (with a new therapist *gulp*) so I have to get this show on the road.
It's a busy week ahead and I find all I really want to do is hide out in my house and not interact with people. I'm struggling to stay balanced in my feelings about other people and that's unusual for me. I'm pretty tolerant and yet everyone is irritating me this week. I don't like being like that and yet there it is. :/ Maybe stay away from me to avoid my death stare and fire breathing. 🙃😫
Okay, so I just made the phone call I've been dreading for days now. Fortunately my boss is in such need of help that my job is still secure. Going in this afternoon.
I'm so fortunate to have such a lenient and forgiving employer. And she understands battles with depression, etc. She and God are merciful to me. Thanks to her and..
Thank you, God.
@themainjane
Oh so glad to hear this went well for you Jane!
@themainjane
You had the courage to go through with the dreaded phone call, good for you!
I also avoid stuff like that til last minute and all that- especially hate phone calls. Just wanted to say cheers to you and I'm glad there is some mercy showing it's kind smile to you. :) A safe hug if you need or want it!
trying to figure out where i belong (which community), had a long time of bullying, learned to handle it in some way but sometimes the situations come back up and it causes mistrust and also a kind of anger, because people still say harmful things. most of the time i am not affected but i know the pain is still there.
@amiableTurtle9543
Hi Turtle and a warm welcome to you! Suggest you take time to find where you are comfortable. I'm sorry you have been subjected to bullying.and sounds like you have been resourceful in finding ways to handle it. What you describe is pretty normal. Situations will bring it back and the emotions will be there again,and the pain. Healing takes time and patience... its a gradual process... be encouraged to continue this journey and to seek the suppport you need. x
@rozie
Hi Rozie and all, my check-in history is a bit spotty. But here goes!
I copied down that quote and saved it. Thank you, that was short, sweet, and to the point. I'm learning to distance myself from the reaction and engage in mindful awareness. It's tough...especially when you have someone egging you on or something really titanic seeming to face. As someone who deals with agoraphobia and social anxiety predominantly, I feel this emotional residue has rather caked upon me. So I guess my therapy and measures I'm taking are cleansing and the like.
Speaking of learning how to deal with reaction and identification... I don't know how to say this... but amongst the other things that've happened this week I put two and two together and realize that the person I am distancing myself from is addicted to prescription drugs. I need to bring this up to my psych on Thursday. It doesn't mean much because I still plan on leaving this person, but it explains how badly things have been blown out of proportion. It was pretty triggering and I was a bit disgusted with myself for letting myself allow someone like that close. My parents and family were addicts, dealers, criminals, you name it. Then I just laughed because LOL Codependency.
I'm okay now, but I feel very solemn. If anything, the van of religious people prowling the neighborhood on Monday freaked me out more. Got freaked out the neighbors heard my abuser's tantrum the other day and were gonna get the religious folk to ask if I was okay with him standing right freakin' there. I don't...no. Just no. Like they're gonna solve anything- I gotta solve this my own way. That's the kind of crap that gets a person beaten. In regards to the emotional residue, the incident reminded me of how I was a child and I had to stay silent about my parents' abuse with my mother playing super sweet and threatening me just before not to tell about her exploits and tyranny. Meanwhile, my teacher just thought I was shy. Huh? A straight-A student suddenly starts skipping and flunking out of school. Nooooothing wrong.
Either way, it is what it is. I'm here today and making progress. OH!! I got a B in my college science class! Hoo was so nervous I could barely keep myself still. Test anxiety and just... well, the PTSD about failure and little girl mode again. I've heard people call looking at these situations "with a side-long glance". Working on this specifically in therapy, and working THROUGH the emotions and the stuff. Hope others are doing well and progressing in whatever you want or need to.
@CaloenasNicobarica
Well done with the B in science! Like the idea of looking at the situation 'with a side-long glance.'
Agree that its tough to learn to distance oneself from reaction, and use mindfulness to be present with awareness. But its little by little and sounds like you are making good progress. And there's been some testing situations for you lately, and some realizations... like your laugh over co-dependency. Thank you for sharing something of your experince with us. x
I may or may not have wanted to nap for an hour earlier and instead napped for 5. But I instantly forgave myself because I probably needed it and will feel better tomorrow for it.
I think feelings-wise I'm starting to feel better in a lot of ways so now I'm going to look at my goals and start planning my time appropriately again. I feel like it's the right time to do so. My life is always a lot easier when I have plans in place and goals to reach for.
@Hoxenos - This is my problem with naps. If I fall asleep during the day, I am apt to sleep through it, and when I wake up, all of my disorders are just yelling at me for having slept too long. I think it's really awesome that you are not beating yourself up and love yourself enough to know that you just needed the sleep. Maybe I will get to that point one day too with naps. <3
@wontsleepwontwake I think it helped that before I went to sleep I could have made an alarm but I resolved that if I sleep longer it's because I needed to. Forgiving your body for what it needs is easier when you let yourself be honest with yourself about your needs, if that makes sense.
It's ok to NEED sleep. It's ok to NEED food. It's ok to need water, love, affection, and safety. It's impossible to control your needs for these things and I guess once when you accept that it's ok for your body to NEED... it's easier to forgive it because it's for the best in the end anyway. Your body wants to be healthy :)
@Hoxenos Forgiving your body for what it needs is easier when you let yourself be honest with yourself about your needs
i like this -- something I need to embed in my consciousness.
Right now, my body (especially my brain) honestly needs more sleep. Alas, I was awoken an hour ago by my roommate's whiny dog whinging (because she's apparently out for the night). So now I'm feeding off his anxiety, despite proactive attempts to drown both it and him out 🙃.
Trying to be forgiving (to both him and myself) but I'm finding it difficult to muster the requisite compassion 😂🙃🐕
Another weird rocky exhaustive day. I overslept today and was late for work. I feel like the color gray. I guess it was better than yesterday. I remembered to meditate this afternoon which really helped a lot. Sometimes I do not remember to do these things or have the energy to try. Reflection and mindfulness have been very helpful to me. I have a book on mindfulness that I carry with me and I open it to a random part when I am waiting for something or when I remember, and it always helps me stay calm in that present moment. It is hard to live from present moment to present moment, but in individual moments, they aren't so awful really. One mantra/affirmation I like to use sometimes is, "In this one passing second, everything is okay." It's when my disorders cause me to think of my past or my future or of 'all the things' I ought to do or haven't done, I really get wound up and buried underneath bad thoughts. If I can force myself to look at the present second for what it is: just sitting, typing on a keyboard, that's not so bad really.
It is helpful to know that I am not alone in all of this and that we are here together as a community. Isolation is not good for me. I'm thinking about participating in these daily checkins more often...
@wontsleepwontwake
i like your mantra a lot, have a similar one (everything is going to be ok). i agree isolation does not help but rather being amongst people who understand.