Abuse by a cousin but feeling guilty of the situation
I kept it as a secret for long time but now i want to let it out. When i was 14 i had a sexual relationship with my cousin who is 6 years older than me even though He wasn’t forceful I wasn’t mature enough to give consent. He will just have sex with me under the nose of every adult in the house and leave me then won’t have any contact with me untill he comes again to my parents house( where i was living) This thing continued for 2 years untill I’m mature enough to understand what is like to have a intimate relationship and that he is using me. But by the time he has moved to another city we aren’t meeting much when he came back for holidays tried to makeout one time but stopped when i said no. Time pased I just pretend nothing happened act normal in all family gatherings but deep inside felt like that was my fault he one time told me wearing short clothes intrigued him also I should have say no earlier If im uncomfortable. Now 23 i feel I felt uncomfortable wearing short clothes even though i love to wear and that I’m not worthy of love. Also this feeling of guilt killing me. Was it my fault? Should I have said no earlier was i enjoying sexual relationship untill Things make actual sense or was it a sexual abuse?
It was abuse. He definitely is the one who should have known better than to go after a child. A middle schooler right, when it started? That's illegal and very immoral.
@GirlWhoDream
Hey there ❤️
It's okay to feel confused about this. It's okay if you enjoyed it and maybe even wanted it, but just didn't understand what was happening. That doesn't negate the truth of what happened. This was not in any way your fault. It's clear that this affected you and makes you feel uncomfortable, and I'm really sorry to know that this happened to you ❤️
The best way to handle something like this often involves professional help. If you feel that it is right for you, you can consider therapy in order to process the things you're feeling and what happened. Things like this usually don't go away on their own, particularly since you mentioned that it's been a long time and you're still reacting to what happened ❤️
If you need anything, just ask here or in the subcommunity for therapy-related questions. We're here for you ❤️ Take care