Domestic Abuse - You are never alone

I know this can be a difficult topic.

Domestic Abuse affects many people, regardless of their age, gender, disability, ethnicity and/or status, and the perpetrators can be the same.

Personally, I never even knew I was being domestically abused, I saw mine as just a bad relationship, but there is a difference between the two.

"Domestic abuse is an incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, coercive, threatening, degrading and violent behaviour, including sexual violence." - Source: Women's Aid

For me, this started as small things such as name calling me "Gay" and money matters, I felt pressurised to work more, eventually working 7 days a week and still having the same debates about money.

It lead to situations where I was being told who I can and can't be friends with, and by the time I realised, my friends, parents and almost anyone I knew were cut off.

Situations arose to a knife to the throat, plates etc being thrown across the room at me, and horrible and vicious verbal abuse.

I was very sexually disconnected and still am, but she was putting sex into a calendar of when we will have sex, but the emotion and desire was gone, I'm afraid that's not how life works in the real world... is it?

There is hope, there is future and if you're in a situation now where you have either just realised you could be in this situation or a little unsure, please reach out.

I suffer with Gender Dysphoria, but my birth gender is male, and this perpetrator was my wife (at the time) and it drove me to such a point I felt she was the only one in this world I had, and without her, I can't have a relationship with my children.

I suffered a huge breakdown, I was very suicidal and a huge risk to myself, I got banned from seeing my children, and it's shocking that besides all of the above that happened, can you guess what made me escape?

She basically said "I can't deal with you anymore, I have more important things to worry about" - and what hit my mind was "If she can't support me (in sickness and in health: as our vows stated), then she will never support me through anything" - and I left.

On my way out, she threw every tactic she could at me, phrases such as:

"If you leave, your never coming back"

"If you leave, you'll never see your kids again, they always side with their mother"

"If you leave, I'll make sure these kids never will or want to see you ever again"

But I was at a point it was abuse, and this is a result of her losing the control element many, most, or all Domestic Abusers crave, want and/or have.

Today, I have my own place to live, financially struggling, barely managing to feed myself, but I have my kids, I have my home and I have my life, things have settled down - Sure she still tries to trigger me by announcing she's "met a new man", however, my thought process thinks "Great! I wish you the best of luck, and him"

I am free, you can be too, 7 cups has amazing information and resources as well as amazing listeners who are all here to support you.

If you need some support, please reach out.

NEVER suffer in silence!