Honors Project: Domestic Violence and Abuse Awareness
What is domestic violence?
Domestic abuse occurs whenever a partner in an intimate relationship or marriage attempts to control the other person through various methods in order to try and overpower the victim.
Domestic violence and abuse are used for one purpose and one purpose only: to gain and maintain total control over the other person in the relationship. An abuser will use fear, guilt, shame, and intimidation to wear down the victim and keep them under him or her. The abuser may also threaten, hurt, or hurt those around the other person and could also isolate the victim.
Domestic violence and abuse are not restricted to certain genders, sexualities, ethnicities, wealth statuses, ages, or anything else. Domestic abuse and violence happens among heterosexual couples and in same-sex partnerships. And while women are more commonly victimized, men are also abused, especially verbally and emotionally.
The facts
Around 24 people per minute are survivors of rape, physical violence, or stalking in the US daily. That adds up to be around 12 million men and women every year.
1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 men experience severe physical violence from a partner at least once in their life.
Nearly half of all women and men in the US will experience psychological abuse at some point in their life.
People, on average, usually first experience partner violence between the ages of 11 and 17.
44% of lesbians, 61% of bisexual women, 35% of straight women, 50% of transgender people, and 26% of gay men will experience sexual assault at some point in their lives.
Nearly 3 women in the US are killed every day by an intimate partner.
And there is more. It is still a severe issue, especially since people try to hide it or feel they cant help or that it is none of their business.
Behavior of an abusive partner
Common behavior of an abuser is (but not limited to):
Humiliating and yelling at the other person
Criticizing and putting other person down
Ignore the other person
Blame the person for their behavior rather than themselves
Treat the person like property
Unpredictable and bad temper
Hurt or threaten the other person
Threaten to take the kids away from the other person
Threaten to commit suicide if the person leaves
Force sex
Destroy belongings
Acts jealous and possessive
Controls where the person goes or what they do
Isolates the person from friends and family
Limits access to phone, money, car, etc
Constantly checking on person
Stalking behavior
Gaslighting (An attempt at making the victim question their sanity and memory such as causing them to believe an event didn't really happen when it did.)
Threatening to out an LGBT partner to their friends, family, or coworkers
And more
The person does not need to just be physically or sexually abusive for it to still be abuse, and if the person has done it once, it will likely happen again. The victim should also not have to give up their rights to not be abused.
Signs someone you know might be being abused
Seem afraid or anxious to please their partner
Go along with everything their partner says and does
Check in often with their partner to report where they are and what they're doing
Receive frequent, harassing phone calls from their partner
Talk about their partner's temper, jealousy, or possessiveness
Have frequent injuries, with the excuse of accidents
Frequently miss work, school, or social occasions, without explanation
Dress in clothing designed to hide bruises or scars (e.g. wearing long sleeves in the summer or sunglasses indoors)
Be restricted from seeing family and friends
Rarely go out in public without their partner
Have limited access to money, credit cards, or the car
Have very low self-esteem, even if they used to be confident
Show major personality changes (e.g. an outgoing person becomes withdrawn)
Be depressed, anxious, or suicidal
short and long term effects the victim may develop
Includes (but not limited to):
The person could develop PTSD
Long lasting depression
Self esteem issues
Paranoia and anxiety of the person returning
Isolation
Suicidal thoughts or attempts
Pessimism towards the future
Trust and attachment issues
Loss of religion/spirituality
Academic or work performance decreases
Alcohol and/or drug abuse
Changes in eating and/or sleeping
Self blame
ETC
What to do if you or someone you know is being domestically abused
If you suspect that someone you know is being abused, speak up! If youre hesitating, telling yourself that its none of your business, or that it will resolve itself, you might be wrong, or the person might not want to talk about it—keep in mind that expressing your concern will let the person know that you care and may even save his or her life.
Talk to the person in private and let him or her know that youre concerned. Point out the things youve noticed that make you worried. Tell the person that youre there, whenever he or she feels ready to talk. Reassure the person that youll keep whatever is said between the two of you, and let him or her know that youll help in any way you can. Be open to listen.
Remember, abusers are very good at controlling and manipulating their victims. People who have been emotionally abused or battered are depressed, drained, scared, ashamed, and confused. They need help to get out, yet theyve often been isolated from their family and friends. By picking up on the warning signs and offering support, you can help them escape an abusive situation and begin healing.
If you are being abused and you feel safe and ready to tell someone about your situation, people will be there to help you. You deserve respect, love, support, and freedom. It is not your fault that you are being abused. Normal people do not hurt or abuse people and you do not deserve to be a victim. It will be difficult and take time but people will be there to help you and support you and it could save your life and help reduce the severe effects in the end so you can begin living a better life again. There are several hotlines available that are trained to help.
If you are being stalked or harassed after there has been a break up/divorce, keep all evidence of any damage done, secure yourself, tell someone about the threat, and tell the police. Do not respond to the stalker or harasser after telling them to leave you alone (or the police may claim that you invited the person to keep harassing/stalking even if it isnt true) and get therapy if you need it during this tough time and can get it. Do what you can to ensure your safety mentally and physically.
If you are in immediate danger, please call 911 for emergency help. You are not alone.
Questions
Now lets test your knowledge!
What would you do if a friend of yours or someone you know says they are being abused in some way by a partner or youre worried they are?
What would you do if you were being domestically abused?
What is the difference between abuse and domestic abuse?
Anything else you would like to share? (experiences, tips, questions, etc! ^^)
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE).
National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673
Domestic & Teen Dating Violence (English & Spanish: 1-800-992-2600
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Transgender (GLBT) Youth Support Line: 1-800-850-8078
References
https://www.joyfulheartfoundation.org/learn/domestic-violence/effects-domestic-violence
https://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/domestic-violence-and-abuse.htm
www.thehotline.org
Thanks for posting. I see myself in this post too, quite a few of the symptoms. I even became mentally ill during/after it. Panic attacks started at the beginning, then went away. Then I became depressed towards the end. Once he ended the relationship, I became severely depressed and panic attacks started up again every so often. So I developed anxiety (PTSD, panic disorder) and major depression. Granted, my dad also has these mental illnesses, so I believe I was more prone to getting it, but the abusive relationship was definitely the catalyst, because I was totally fine before, even thriving. I also developed mebomian gland dysfunction (dry eye condition) months after the end... I believe because of all the crying I did for months and months, every day. My eyes just aren't as bright as they used to be and I don't know if they ever will be. I'm bitter that I have mental illness now but just trying to move forward and make the best of my life.
I think it's important to teach young people what abuse is and what the consequences are. I thought abuse was physical and my abuser was not physical (except only one incident months into relationship), so I didn't know about other types of abuse, and I certainly did not know the consequences, like, you can become mentally ill! If I had known that they would've scared me out of the relationship, but of course I thought nothing bad would happen to me. So people definitely need to be taught what abuse is an the consequences, in order for people to avoid these relationships.
@fearlessWriter78
I'm very sorry you went through that. I developed PTSD and depression as well so it is definitely a more common result. It's good to recognize that not all abuse is physically inflicted.
I hope things are better for you now and remember that we're here if you need a helping hand! 
@TheHoneyDoll hey thats so important topic to discuss...thanks a lot for taking the time to write about remembering ourselves how hard to be abused and none cares specially when abuser is making the victim the responsible for the act....as answers for your questions:
1-for me Id open intimate discussion with my friend suspected to be abused and help them reach all what they need to feel safe again offering emotional support or even support them in their legal journey if they want ...I wont stop till they gain their rights back
2- i wont accept to be in a relationship like that no matter what...when the abuse starts, Ill run out from the other side as we should care more for ourselves consumption in relationship
3-domestic is different as its come from the ones supposed to love you and care for you not hurting you so badly using their right to make you suffer
@CaringHand44
Amazing answers! You could really help someone someday and Im glad you recognize the signs of an abusive relationship :)
Thank you for reading and commenting!
Mental and physical abuse, manipulation and control, obsessive and compulsive behaviours are so hard to live with especially when this person says he loves you. They always make you feel it's our fault and then guilt is usually the reason we go back, no matter what our fate may be. I have also developed panic attacks anxiety and depression in the 2 yrs. I have lost important people in my life and have put there safety at risk also so i understand that they left cause if i could i would leave too!
I've been emotionally abused sooo much since I was a child.Now as an adult,I feel so much self hatred ,it's affecting everything I do..! every good thing I have in life I feel the need to sabotage it! I feel like I can't help myself,I just feel unworthy...I feel like an emotional mess right now,I'm tired of sabotaging my life,butI feel like so can't help it, it's so addicting and it makes me feel so good and relief at the moment.Destroying my life makes me feel good,weird right?And happiness makes me SO anxious!The anxiety I have,the voices in my head telling me to sabotage my studies my job,my relationship or anything good in my life is just too much to handle :(.I feel crazy....
@ShyMaple7005
I'm so sorry dear... It sounds like you went through some really hard times. I understand why it's hard to be happy now and why it makes you anxious. Just know you can reach out at any time and if you can get one, I recommend seeing a therapist I found EMDR helped me a ton with dealing with family and domestic abuse. You're not alone. We care about you and your feelings and experiences are valid.
@TheHoneyDoll do you post anywhere about your experiences with EMDR for trauma therapy more? I
Hi I am in an abusive situation with my spouse and I don't care if being in jail for 2 years and his ex-wife abused him there is no excuse for him too verbally and emotionally abusive toward me and my son. I been with him for almost 3 years now and everything he says is I am going to change and that is impossible he is still being the same way I have mental health issues and he has them too If I.would get the money I need then I will be able too leave here. I can't get a loan either done tried it my credit reports are saying 2 is out and there is only one out. I will not go too a shelter I was homeless in 2014 and everyday I called those shelters same thing there full that's why I will not call one plus they steal in them.
