I can’t help but want to go back
I miss him. Like, a lot. I know that I shouldn’t, but I can’t help it.
I want him to take me back. For some reason I feel like there’s a part of me that’s missing without him. Why’d he ever leave me in the first place? Was I just not fun anymore? Was I not worth the trouble?
I can be fun again. I can be worth the trouble, just let me prove it.
My entire life centered around him, for years. I pulled away first, but I guess I didn’t realize how irreversible that would be. I don’t know what to do with myself anymore.
I know how perverse all of this is. In a week I’ll be appalled I ever had the thought. But I really did love him. I still do, I think, and so there’s all of this fearful love with nowhere to put.
I want him to love me like he used to, to hate me like he used to. It feels like that’s all I was or am ever good for. I try so hard to move on but I always fall back to him.
Just take me. I’m yours. I’m done fighting.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this, I’d actually come here to post something very similar. I’m coming to terms with the abuse I suffered from my ex, and everyone seems very happy that he broke up with me and we’re separated now, except even as I reflect on the relationship and all the ways he hurt me, my heart only aches for him to want me again.
I think, maybe, this is also part of the abuse. The fact that even when he’s gone, he’s still got control over your heart. Maybe that’s why he left with you, why mine broke up with me. If you left on your own, he wouldn’t have the same power over you.
I’d heavily recommend looking into forums about dating narcissists, even if your ex wasn’t one, there’s good advice there about not caving to someone who wasn’t good for you. I know so much how this hurts, I feel like half of a person without my ex (which I still have trouble even calling him) stay strong, stay safe.