My dad is violent and my family want's me to forget it.
Hi, I'm Viivi and I'm 14 years old. So my dad has been hitting me since I was a child, and luckily he has stopped doing it for now. I know he had some stress for a long time at his workplace, so it could have been partly a reason why he was so violent. I have had depression since I was 11, and my dad was a major reason why I started cutting and I became suicidal.
He always became violent when he was mad or just simply pissed off. He never hit my mom or my big brother, just me.
Since I was little, I always preferred my mother more than my dad, and I never obeyed him, I hated him so so so much, I rarely even talked to him, only if my mom forced me to. For an example, it was mid day, a weekend, and he suddenly decides I need a shower, I said no (I always showered in the evening, and I was going out back then), and then he became pissed, marched in to my room, dragged me to the shower, tried to catch me when I ran away, and when he caught me, he showered me with my clothes on, he had broken my nose, and I had bruises everywhere because of that 'incident'.
And my mom is mad at me because I won't just ''let it go'', talk to him and love him as my father. She drags this topic up almost every day, and is always mad with me because I wont listen to her. The whole family has been in therapy, trying to fix my and my dad's bond, but like hell that would work.
How could I make my mother turn to my side, and realize that I cannot stand that man close to me, and that 'bond' cannot be fixed?
Like she literally punishes me weekly because of this, was it taking my computer away or something else.
And also do anyone of you know any solution for me so I could avoid him as much as possible? Just the constant fear I have to live in, I can't stand it anymore.. And I have been thinking about moving away to study when I'm 16, but my mom won't let me. :L
I actually went through a very similar set of emotions and circumstances at your age. Even two years later, things have gotten better but haven't truly gone away. I believe you can expect the same, for things to get better but for the feelings of ill will you and your father both seem to harbor for each other to never completely fade. More likely, they will get shoved into the past and rarely, if ever brought up again.
Due to many a teary-eyed and hushed conversation late at night with my mother, I can tell you her answer and likely your mom's answer to the question of seeing your side. The answer is unfortunately no. She will not see your side because in order to do that, she would be hurting or going against her husband in some way, which would cause bad things to happen to her as well as you.
The best thing I can offer you is this piece of advice: do what I did and stick it out until you become an adult. There is no realistic future for you if you run away, and if your mom ever does agree to support you in an apartment on your own, you can't attempt to fix the broken relationship with your father in that situation that I promise that you will want to heal later in life. When you get older, your dad will begin to chill out a little bit more until eventually he will act like you are his friend and that nothing ever happened. Trust me, I know.
The worst thing I read in your post was the fact that your family just wants you to forget about what happened, and that is so not fair. Your dad may forget later on, but not you. This is something that you can't just let go. You have to remember this so that you can do something about it early when it looks like it's about to start back up again. Please work on forgiving, but never forget.
Stay strong, it's just a moment, this time will pass.
-Sparrow