My mom called the cops on me when I was 4

I wanted to share something from my past that's been on my mind lately. I don’t know if I can say that I have trauma, but this is the best place I could put it.

There was a time where my dad would go home for work, leaving me and my siblings with my mom. This happened when I was around four years old. Everyday I would dread him leaving. I went through a really scary experience. My mom got incredibly angry, and she pushed me down and pulled me out onto the balcony. My little sister and grandma were there too, but my grandma got kicked out for trying to help me. When she finally opened the door, she asked why we hadn't left yet. I don’t remember why she got mad.

There were also times when my mom would leave us home alone, even though we were just little kids. We would start crying frantically. It may not seem like much, but when you’re just a toddler, a parent leaving you is extremely scary.

The most unsettling thing is that a few times, my mom called the police on us, almost as if she wanted them to "arrest her kids." There was always somebody on the line. Both me and my sister remember this. The police department of that area has a really *** reputation that has gotten worse over the years, so I’m not surprised that they didn’t take action. One time she even made us apologize to the operator. I don’t even remember why she did it. My sister also heard someone on the phone.

I brought it up to my cousin last year. She said that since I was too young to understand, it was probably a misunderstanding. Maybe I remembered it wrong, or maybe there was a good reason? She even encouraged me to ask my mom about it in front of her. I agreed that I may have misunderstood, but I didn’t want to risk it since there was a chance it might’ve happened exactly as I said. Both my sister and I remember the same thing, and she has done… concerning things. It wasn’t far fetched.

I finally got the guts to ask her in front of my siblings this summer. She denies it all. What's puzzling is that I don't know if she's lying about these events or if she just doesn't remember them. Both my sister and I remember them vividly. She claims that when she left us, it was only for a few minutes to get something. When she called the police, she didn’t actually, it was just to scare us. That’s strange, because we heard someone on the phone. She never kicked us out, because “Why would I? You lived there too.” I can’t read people as well as my sister, who says that she’s lying.

I'm reaching out here because I'm confused. I don’t even know what to do, or if I’m asking for advice or just venting. I’m just a mess. Nothing makes sense to me. Any response would be appreciated.