Narcissist parents and emotional neglect
Anyone else have narcissist parents that emotionally neglected you?
I was neglected by my mother who struggled with a drug addiction. She abandoned me inside a drug trafficking house. I was found by police and CPS was delegated custody of me. I was hospitalized for three days and malnourished.
I was eventually adopted along with both of my sisters by the same foster family. The father was abusive and also a narcissist. He was an LPN who abused his patients. He quit his job because he made about $3000 a month from the foster care system. By 2011 my adoptive mother and father had died.
My adoptive father’s biological daughter gained custody of us. She was extremely religious as an evangelical Christian. She never let us leave home, have friends, or do ANYTHING. All we did was go to school, church and work.
Im 20 today and live alike but still see the social consequences it had in me in comparison to my peers.
Please do not let it discourage you. Actively unlearn and learn. Do what you just do to progress and grow.
Support and compassion,
Milton St. Emiliani (CGCS, ORDM)
That is rough. My mother struggled or still struggles with drug addiction as well. I was not abandoned in such a horrible way but I was often left or forgotten about. Both my parents were so wrapped up in themselves that they didn’t even think about me, my thoughts, my well-being.
Similarly I was raised very Christian with a black and white mind set. I still struggle with this today because I was conditioned to look down upon people of different races, beliefs, or preferences and especially people with emotions, depression, or other mental health.
Yes, they've emotionally neglected me. Hardly heard any "I love yous" or "I'm proud of you"--just scathing derogatory remarks (ex. "you're body looks disgusting" or "You're so damn ignorant") and being compared to my brothers(the older ones were geniuses and the youngest one was athletic) all the time and getting blamed for anything my youngest brother did because "you're older"(even though I'm older by just 1½yrs...).
I've tried to have a relationship with my parents in the past, but it feels impossible...I don't feel anything for them at all (not love, not hate, just indifferent). Everytime I tried to have a child-parent relationship, it felt like we're strangers. I was the black sheep growing up(and also the only daughter amongst sons).
Also, anytime my father yelled at my mother, she would take it out on me and sometimes hits me for "not loving" her enough...
But now? I live MANY MANY kilometers away and hardly ever have to deal with them. I don't care what they say anymore. I only keep it cordial with them, because my oldest brother lives with my mother(parents are separated) and visits our father frequently. I still care about my brothers though.
Why do parents have to compare their children to others. They should be happy for each being their on individual person.
I was raised similarly but almost the opposite.
I got a lot of “good job” and “I love you” but there was no meaning behind it. Their actions and behaviors were that they didn’t care but they felt they had to say these things.
They truly didn’t care. They also didn’t see me as an individual. They had their problems and I was an after thought. Often forgotten, left, or put in dangerous situations.
Many times I was blamed for their problems or was the “cause” and I needed to feel bad and support them. Never were my emotions considered.
I struggle with really knowing who I am. What are my preferences, beliefs, desires, etc. I was never given the opportunity to figure this out. I just had to hide in the shadows.
Yes,
My mother is a covert narcissist who kept on having new children despite already having a large progeny and her then youngest children still being in that early stage where they needed a lot of care. But despite all of that she still activately chose to get pregnant. I'm the youngest of six and I'm currently dealing with the ripples of my mother's selfish and egocentric decisions.
She excluded my father from being a parental figure in order to ensure all her children's love would go to her. And she often told us she dreaded the day where we'd grow up and chose other people over her. We were also expected to give her both physical and emotional support since she activately refused to seek help and commit to theraphy (she often quit after the third appointment but still expected to be given brownie-points for her "efforts"). Back then I hadn't realised the implications of emotional incest and codependance, but now I do and it disgusts me.
But naturally children grow older and more independent, that's how it should be, but my mother couldn't cope with that. She wanted someone or something depend on her and soon started replacing us with animals. In my case she began buying horses while I was in my teens. She put all her attention and care into them while I had to fend for myself. Back then I was dealing with not only trauma from bullying and depression, but also strong emotional neglect. And when one of our younger horses had to be put down, my mother went into a downward spiral that caused her to also not take care of herself. I saw my own mother withering away before my very eyes, and no one was there to help either of us. I remember contacting my siblings for help but they only told me to either move out (which was impossible back then) or to just deal with it. I didn’t have anybody's support back then, and it definitely left a huge impact on me.
I have no evidence or diagnosis for my mother however I do know that she is Neglectful. She literally abandoned me at home to go live with her boyfriend after divorcing my Father and leaving him homeless. At first She would check on me like every other day. Then every week, then like twice a month. And now I only see her once around every two months now that my brother moved in with me.
🤚yeah