What's live like after being separated from abuser?
Hello! I was wondering for those already separated, what is life like being separated from your abuser?
I have broke up with my son's dad many times and allowed him back into my life, but I will stop doing that as soon as tomorrow hits. I have court that day for calling the cops on him for abuse.
He's very toxic to me. He's physical hurt me and choked me to the point of my vision going black...but claims he "blacked out drunk" and gave a small apology...but still continues to treat me badly.
I lost my son the next day after calling the cops on him. The CPS stated that they felt I cannot protect my son due to my ex's drunken tendencies to get violent...He only takes his anger out on me(not an excuse, I know) and not our son.
Well...I want my son back and I'll do whatever it takes to get him back. CPS states they're willing to work with me to reunite with my son. All they request is that I go to individual counseling and make my house baby safe.
I'll be kicking out my abusive ex soon! I'm writing this into existence so I don't keep backing down. He is not a good person to me, and I need to do better.
Sometimes doing things that are right is the hardest thing to do. It sounds that this was one of though decisions that you had to make. You are doing great on improving yourself.
It was VERY difficult for me.
It took me getting evicted from my apartment and mustering up courage to finally let my ex go.
I wanted to be cordially and break up with him in person and not over the phone nor via text but...he wasn't having it...so I ended up texting him a positive/cordial message wish him well. He was angry at first, then upset, and now sad. His sister told me he knows he messed up. He's not talking to me currently, which is ... Understandable.
I feel free now though and relieved that I no longer have to walk on eggshells or be in fear. CPS is also working well with me to get my son back. I'm very grateful and excited !
@ImpudentIncognito
Hi, I hoped you succeeded in kicking your ex out. I know it is really hard to do. My ex was abusive as well and I forgave him every time. But now 3 years later I am so happy I left. I have now a partner who appreciate me.
So I wish that for you too. Go get your son back and kick that ex out!
I officially broke up with my ex on Thursday and started living with my brothers since Sunday. I left a rather cordial/positive message to my ex wishing him the best.
At first he was angry, then upset, and now he's sad and his sister told me that he knows he messed up now...He does not want to talk to me at all, which is fine.
I feel kind of... Relieved ?Like, I can finally live my life without walking on eggshells nor getting screamed at constantly or be in fear of my own safety.
I'm nervous about dating again(if I decide to...)Also, with me being separated from ex, I will be able to get my son back sooner and CPS has been working with me and guiding me to do better.
My brothers introduced me to their good friend they've known for a long time some weeks back too, and now ...I recently got his number. I'm going to take it REALLY slow because I barely got out of a(n abusive) relationship (which after a while, really wasn't much of a relationship but a one-sided thing)... Their friend is cute, and has been abused by his exes too (so he can relate), but I'm nervous around him and get butterflies in my stomach lol. He's very kind and attentive. And even if it doesn't work out, he seems like a good friend.
Anyways, thank you for your kind words! I'm glad everything worked out for you and that you have a wonderful partner who appreciates you!
I’ve been separated for one month after a 12 year relationship. unfortunately I waited until I literally had nothing left of myself and suicide seemed like the only relief. luckily I chose myself and kicked him out. i felt immediate relief. i began to see things that I wanted to do as possibilities.
i have some fantastic friends that helped me to remember that when I do feel sad and miss him that doesn’t mean I made the wrong choice.
with every passing day I feel more sure of myself and gain more clarity.
@ImpudentIncognito
Hi:
I have never had an abusive partner but I have lived in plenty of abusive environments, including family, toxic friends, and roommates. Though it's it will be better for you to get away, you're still going to be traumatized by it. You will also face the five stages of grief.
@ImpudentIncognito I am SO HAPPY to hear you standing up for yourself here and choosing to set this boundary to protect yourself and your child. It's such a hard decision to make, and I'm proud of you!
When I left my abusive ex, I felt a whirlwind of emotions, always changing, all over the place. Positive, negative, in between, you name it. They were all healthy, and they all needed to happen as part of my healing journey. I have no regrets in leaving him. I can tell you, one thing I felt that I was pleasantly surprised by was a sense of relief and freedom. I chose what to eat for dinner, what to watch on TV, who to spend time with (without asking permission), what to wear - it was an incredibly empowering feeling. It helped me get through some of the more difficult emotions, like loneliness. They always have good sides to them, and it makes leaving them hard. We don't stay if they're awful to us 100% of the time, and those good memories can sneak in and make you miss them. It's OK. I mourned the person he could have been as though he has passed away, and it helped me to move on.
Whatever you decide to do and however you decide to cope - you've got this.
