Need a friend. Im a strong introvert

@coleco

so sorry you both are hurting so much. have you considered couples therapy?

@coleco

Hi! I'm not a listener so I can't chat with you but I will message back and forth on this thread or a new one wherever if you want. I definitely relate to the social anxiety and not having friends. And for reasons different than yours I feel like I can't talk to my husband about a lot of things. So I get that too.

If you'd rather talk to a guy or just someone that can talk privately, I understand. You can go to chat and then browse listeners to find someone to talk to. You can filter by fender/age/topic/etc.

I didn't have any luck reaching out on the forums for a listener. I had to contact people directly and it might take talking to a few before you find someone that you like or click with 💙

@coleco

Im sorry to hear you are going through so much all at once. I am glad to hear that you are recognizing you need to to put some effort into you, to build a support system for yourself. We cannot always be the rock for everyone else without having a rock of our own.

I know the trappings of being an introvert, and can truly appreciate the herculean effort in reaching out the way you are. I know it's very difficult and possibly very intimidating.

One introvert to another...feel free to reach out to me in private messages when you are ready to take that leap. We can go along at your pace, talk about whatever you like until you reach a level of comfort that you want to chat about heavier things.

That first step is the hardest to make...and you've already put your foot on the path. You only need to shift your weight to bring the other foot alongside. I'll be here when you are ready or able. I'm proud of you for taking that first step and putting yourself out there.

Thank you everyone. Im finding it hard now not to be ashamed and awkward about my post. I will reach out but sometimes im afraid to confront the issues because it sets the day up for anxiety and panic. Unfortunately its when im having panic attacks that i attempt to reach out and i certainly have a hard time organizing my thoughts in panic. I never foresaw this situation. Ive always overthought but lately it has been on full tilt. Ive set myself up and put all of my wellbeing in my wife. Now shes feeling more and more like a stranger. Im finding it hard most days to feel like i have anywhere to go. Work is stressful home is stressful rinse and repeat. I dont have a support system but i think my social awkwardness and shame are holding me hostage. I need help. Im really scared. Scared of losing everything that ive known and held dear for so many years. Im scared of being truly alone. She has made it clear she has no time or energy to help me because she is struggling to keep it together herself. I dont know what ill do if i get left behind. Ive always had to work for someone or goals and life events. Would i even have the motivation to get out of bed? Im really afriad my panic attacks are going to lead to a nervous breakdown and im going to mess up everything currently i have going for me. I cant mess up my 10yr job but somedays while working i have complete meltdowns and somehow ive still kept it together enough. I feel like im losing my mind. My wife always presented herself as the person that would never do this or act like this. Everything she does feels so cold now. The silence hanging in a room a deafening and most days i cant create that icebreaker conversation because im so drained and holding everything back. Ive tried to have talks with her about everything and they quickly devolve into her calling them fights, telling me im being to much, or walking away and telling me to deal with it.

Also i ramble when writing. I apologize

I will reach out when im able. Not talking about it leaves me in a bad place and talking about everything is so stressfull. I feel so stuck. I dont know how to talk to people and its such an akward aversion i have. But i need people so desperately

Im also aware i may be sabotaging myself and talking things into reality but weve never been in a situation like this. Ive never experienced her so cold and just blah emotionally towards me. Ive only gotten a few hugs recently and its because i have initiated them. But they feel like a limp handshake. Even if thing work out in our relationship this trial im currently in slaps me in the face with the fact that ive set myself up with all of my eggs in one basket and no one else to even lean on or look in my direction. Lately if im having a bad day i cannot go to her at all because i become an issue and she has been taking distance from me when im down. The magic feels gone and it happened out of the blue. Ive dumped my whole self into our family. It is the only thing ive been working for.

I think ive always had various weird issues. I put alot of emotions into the ones i care about. I literaly feel saddness and pain if for instance i think ive let one of my dogs down. I treat them as human companions and if we split and our home breaks i would literaly give up everything to make sure they are okay. It pains me alot to think of them waiting for me everyday for 10hrs for me to come home without anyone else. I overthink everything! To the point where it hurts

I'm so sorry. You're living a nightmare. You seem so genuine and kind. You also seem to love your wife with true depth and loyalty. You are rare. You may be an introvert but you won't be alone. It will take more time because you're an introvert, but you will find someone who deserves that loyalty, that intense spirit full of kindness and love. What you have is truly a gift, a rare gift. Be patient and put yourself out there.

My son is an introvert and a talented basketball player. He went to a basketball clinic/class and his shyness kept him from jumping in and playing. I watched him and he didn't look open, the kids who looked open and just dove in got the ball. I asked him, he said he was scared and painfully nervous. He finally just forced himself to jump in and looked open hands up. He was immediately passed the ball and scored the first shot.

Put yourself out there. You have a gift to give. Some girls will not accept the gift but the right one will. Just do the thing that scares you. Be willing to be rejected until you find someone truly worthy of the powerful love you have to offer.

I don’t have the answer, I just wanted to say you’re very insightful and that’s half the battle. Grief can be a catastrophic thing and least of all linear. Have you spoken to your wife about getting some extra help? What is her response to that?

I understand. I also suffer from social anxiety. I am very guilty of isolating. I don't know when it manifested itself bc I have struggled w illness and anxiety disorders simce early childhood. I come from a family that is all about *** it up and mustering through even tho that was just more damaging I have no support system too even my family cannot understand my anxieties. Even my sisters think I'm being dramatic but that's not the case it is a legitimate. They are not I need to get over it sounds like such a simple fix when people don't get it and my mother has told me my whole life I too am finding it difficult I thank you for sharing. I don't know anyone else who suffers from paralyzing social anxiety. It's challenging to say the least. Maybe in time I could be part of your support system when u need it. Who knows. I appreciate you being brave enough to put that msg out there. Take care of yourself!

@coleco

You tried Emotional Focused Therapy? I read book Harville Hendrix - Getting the Love You Want

> She has grown very distant over just the course of a couple of weeks and has shut me out of support and partnership.

It's sounds like a protest polka, it's dangerous ground if you don't really understand this.

when i had suicidal thoughts, i read it and it's really help me, they gave way but I must warn you that it can be very unpleasant to read. For me, it was so much that I still haven't started more psychotherapy.