Still hung up on abusive roommates from 20 years ago
Hi:
I am here because I have a very unhealthy attachment to two roommates who I lived with 20 years ago. During my time with them, they were quite toxic and emotionally abusive to me to the point where I would do everything I could to avoid them because I would end up in tears. Things got so bad that I would:
A. Stay in my bedroom and skip meals when one of my roommates was home because she was very mean and controlling.
B. I would also stay out as long as I could until that room was in bed, and then I would try and tip-toe back into the house.
C. Other times, I would hang out in the basement and watch TV when she was home
D. Enjoy my life when the she and the other roommate were at work or out of town. I would also enjoy my personal time at the house when the second roommate stayed upstairs in her little apartment area.
I also had to tiptoe around them because they seemed to criticize me over doing things normal activities.
A. I pushed a chair into a table and the controlling roommate threw a fit about that
B. My second roommate threw a huge Mardi Gras Party and she got mad at me for getting drunk, while it was ok for her to be a heavy drinker and make a fool of herself. However, she humilated and criticized me for having a hang over and told me that I was not allowed to eat the left overs.
My controlling roommate also did other mean things
A. She tried to trick me into staying out of the house by telling me that she was having a few parties that I was not invited to. Yet, I soon learned that she lied to me
So here is the deal, though they were nasty women who possibly scarred me for life, there a few things come to mind.
A. Again, it's been 20 years and I still keep thinking that what happened as if it were yesterday.
B. Though I know there is a chance that these two women would just rebuff me and do mean things, there is a part of me that keeps thinking that maybe time has changed things, maybe there is a chance for us to connect and set things right.
C. On the other hand, I realize that my life went on after I lived with them and I have done some pretty amazing things between now and then. So I am thinking that I need to let them go.
@Summershy
there is no going back in time let it go.... most likely IF you talked to them they remember it quite differently ....... hopefully you are all different people now and many times if people run into each other or call they just feel like strangers.......
do not give it a second thought move on if curiosity gets the better of you try looking them on facebook etc to see if they matured or are same bitter people they were.
I tried to reach out to both of them a number of years ago and reconnect but one of them blocked me on FB and the other one ghosted me.
in their minds, I was the roommate horror story who let them down. They just provided me a place to sleep and that was it. Otherwise they just wanted someone to just do my share of chores and help with rent and bills. They didn’t want to be my friend because they were older than I was and were in different places of their lives. I also was not good with money back then and I ended up writing a few bad checks on their bills. However, they also knew I didn’t have the money in the end and kept pushing me against the wall to write some of those checks.
@Summershy
Then you probably are a reminder that they were using you... as a $$ source ..... and they know it perhaps your contact put them on the defensive....
i know a certain time in my life i was not always good to others and i would not like to be reminded IF i ran into them.
@toughTiger6481
When I wrote bad checks for the bills under their names, it ruined their credit and they were upset with me for that. Yet, they kept expecting me to automatically have the money for next time and would keep backing me into a corner to write those checks. Part of my problem is that I also lost a job at the time but I didn't communicate with them that often. When I finally told them, they were pretty not happy campers.
When I didn't communicate with them, I tried everything I could to avoid paying the bills because I didn't want to bounce anymore checks. Instead, I tried to get some assistance which fell through on me.