Emotional Dysregulation
I keep going back to how much my parents failed me at teaching me how to live, process, feel, express and cope with my emotions.
I'm an hypersentive person too, I'm autistic.
I've got DID as well and everyday I have to spend my days trying to understand what I'm feeling and finding ways on my own to express it.
Then I have to memorize them and teach them to each individual different alters who also don't know how to feel any emotions.
It's like I find out a new one every day that I just don't know how to identify or only understand in theory.
Every one uncovers another one. And every time I'm clueless and don't understand what I'm feeling it spikes my anxiety which makes me dissociate which makes it almost impossible to distinguish what I'm feeling and to let it flow pass me.
I was just taught Fury, Sadness and Depression.
And a couple happy ones.
And I don't mean multiple sad emotions or multiple angry emotions. No literally just "oh I'm sad someone was mean to me" and "oh I'm furious I wanna scream".
That's the only thing I would understand and both of those were demonized.
I grew to find a lot of beauty and acceptance in my sadness but to attach a lot of fear to fury.
Then everything else even surprise just needed to be buried or changed as fast as possible.
Now I'm stuck with really strong emotions constantly that it feels people without trauma rarely feel outside of distressing events and struggle to know how to help me cope.
@Costati
Hello, I understand that Trauma has such a bad effect on us so I can relate to how you are feeling. Your emotions have been hijacked, and what you are left with is just a few emotions or a numbness. This is quite normal for trauma survivors. It is our brain's way of protecting us from that trauma happening again.
This is the stuff that causes the DID. So do you know if you are a System yet? I have recently been diagnosed with DID as well, and as you said, it is all new. Just aging communications with them has been a process. Maybe one of the first things to do is to Do an Alter Mapping. This will help you to understand your alters and know their functions and purposes.
On a piece of paper, draw yourself in a big circle, being the Host. Then ask questions inside to see who responds or who you know fronts the most and place a smaller circle around them, connecting it to you, and do the same for all the alters that you are aware of. Be curious and ask who they might be close to or if they interact with anyone else. Continue the process, putting each one's name in the circles as you add them. This is the beginning of getting to know who and their job or role.
Communicate with them as often as you can, Find out if they need anything. Your mapping will more than likely change over time, so keep revamping your map as needed.
If you have a therapist, you could share your findings with them to help you❤️. I hope this helps you a bit.