Feeling life is totally pointless

I am a brown girl, who doesn't stand by the standard criteria of "beautiful".so you can imagine the mental stress, I have been constantly made to feel I am unworthy n will not have anyone n will die alone . It didn't bother me earlier, but now it's killing me within.. I feel I am being punished of this loneliness for no fault of myn. Because of my dark skin I was never allowed to play outside n because I am taller than usual ppl I was never made to join any dance classes in fact never was even allowed take part in any school event as my family believed it would make me ugly.

The self conscious is so much that I never was able to make any deeper friendship with anyone I am just alone . I have an emotionally unavailable family, socially distant friends, workoholic colleagues. I am just unable to take it anymore .. Nobody in the family actually cares fir me. I am not allowed to date anyone at the same time nobody cares abt my marriage either, they are just going by the fact that whatever comes the way whether I like it or not will make me married to anyone n wash off responsibility.

Post covid my friends have distanced I am all alone n lonely. It's really hard to go through life all by myself