Here's why I'm struggling
Trigger warning abuse....i' ve been trying to write this and express myself 30 times already and deleted all of them, so I'm just gonna say it. I'm struggling right now, I'm trying my hardest not to be but I really am 🙁 flashbacks are normal for me, but remembering bits I blocked out it's terrifyingly disturbing, I don't think I can write what I'm remembering here but it's not good and I know now what they used to cut off my fingers 😥 so the nightmares have been coming back theese last few weeks they are so real Its like going back in time. I can feel again how scared I was, the beatings, whips and having to have sex multiple times a day😥 when you see so many dieing its hard to think about why was I one of the ones still alive😥 memories really suck🙁 so yeah that's what's on my mind that's why I'm struggling so badly right now 🙁
@Tinywhisper11
😭😢 omg dear I’m so so very sorry to hear all that. I’m sorry for all your struggles and everything else that’s bringing you not good things.
You know I’m always here for you so please talk to me about any of this. I’ve been where you are when it comes specifically to having flashbacks and memories you don’t wanna have and what they coming back results in. I really wanna help you get through this.
Only if you’re comfortable doing so and don’t mind, can you share these flashbacks and memories with me and when during the day or night they happen and how many times they happen? It can be done privately if you’d like such as a direct message to me or on our pen pals thread. But no pressure. If you don’t want to, it’s perfectly ok. It’s all really just to help you ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Till that happens, sending you endless big loving friendly kind hugs, blessings, happiness, peace and everything else you need or want ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️good and best wishes and luck to you too
😭😢😭😢😭😢😭😢😭😢😭😢😭😢😭😢
@akunknown flashbacks are becoming more frequently thread past couple of weeks🙁 everything and anything seems to be triggering them😥 the memories are well after my sons death I turned numb for a long time I wouldn't cry or react they didn't like that. So they became more violent sexually and physically😥 I um I just can't right now I'm sorry. Thank you for being so kind to me 💖 I love you 💗
Maybe it IS a sign of healing… The numbness wearing off. I’m no therapist, but idk, maybe it is…
*hugs*
@jesusredeemedme2425 yeah maybe💖 I hope so
@Tinywhisper11 so during the numb stage I blocked out parts of the next couple of years and blocked out completely the last year or so I was with them. The bits I'm remembering now I think are the bits I blocked out those couple of years😥 it's all very scary and confusing right now, my mind seems to be in some sort of fog slipping in and out of the past and now. Which then leaves me feeling not very safe 🙁
You are very safe <3 Allow it to come. And then allow it to leave <3 If you let it run its course, talk to people about it, let it do its thing… Perhaps it will lose its power. A charging train eventually runs out of momentum. <3
Again, I’m no therapist. But I’m hoping this is good advice <3
@jesusredeemedme2425 I can't do anything other than let it run it's course🙁 it's like I've lost all control😥 I hope your righ t, thanks kiara💖
Have you talked to your therapist?
@jesusredeemedme2425 yes she came yesterday she's really good like that, I'm very lucky 💖 she's coming back on Wednesday 🤔 that's tommorow💖
What did she say or do?
@Tinywhisper11 first she asked if I'd be ok going into a mental health hospital. But she quickly got of that topic cause she knows I wouldn't want to. She advised that talking will help, and to try and distinguish between my emotions and to let them flow. She told me this is not a time I can push it away like normal I gotta right through this one. She's ringing for the psychiatrist today to see when she can come and chat about upping some doseages or something like that
I think those were wise ideas <3
Why wouldn’t you want to go into the hospital?
Talking will definitely help <3 If you’d feel better doing it, you can talk to me in our penpal chat, if you want less people to read it<3
Yeah… Your mind is trying hard to heal and recover. It’s going to take work and time…
Maybe the meds will help <3
@jesusredeemedme2425 I don't like hospitals I will never willingly go. I've actually been kinda isolating myself even more at the carehome, I don't know why I guess talking is kinda hard and embarrassing
Then talk to us here <3 We’re here to listen and empathize. We all deeply love you… Let us come alongside you and be your strength during the healing process <3
@jesusredeemedme2425 ok I'll try🙂💖
@Tinywhisper11
Writing it via journaling, writing poetry or any other form of writing is also a very effective way to get things out of your mind. Especially since it seems like you’re not comfortable or ready to talk about it with anyone which is completely fine and understandable no problem.
Once it’s out, yes even by writing it, you’ve successfully let it go. From there it’s just about keeping it out. If you try it I really hope and pray you try it and that if you do it works as well for you as it does for me or even better for you. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
What AK said ^^^ <3
@jesusredeemedme2425
Thank you. Much appreciated! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
@akunknown ok I will give it a go💖💖 thanks ak, I love you 💗
@Tinywhisper11
No, it’s thank you. Thank yourself for being open and brave enough to try this out ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Go Tiny you got this! 👍👍
@akunknown how do you write a journal??
@Tinywhisper11
Since you’re writing it, how it’s written is literally entirely up to you. It doesn’t have to make sense so don’t pressure yourself or stress over that. The point is getting everything that’s in your mind - thoughts, memories, flashbacks, things like that I’m talking about - out of your mind.
The way I do it is writing as if I’m talking to someone I trust about it. You can try it that way if you’d like. It may help you feel more comfortable and relaxed actually talking to someone about these struggles. You like writing poems right? You can try it that way too. Or you can also try your own way or whatever way you feel most comfortable to. Best of luck to you ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
@akunknown ok I have a book I'll try write it like I'm talking to someone💖 thankyou💖
There’s no end to the ways you can journal… draw it, do a bullet journal, write lists, even write it in code! Just anything that lets you express yourself and get it out of your head and onto paper. Trust me… It helps. <3
@jesusredeemedme2425 ok thanks💖
@jesusredeemedme2425
Yes! Exactly! Thank you for pointing that out to Tiny ❤️ She needed to know that
@akunknown so far I've wrote..... 'Today I am feeling' ... And that's it 😕 I don't think I'm very good at this
@Tinywhisper11
That’s ok. You don’t need to force yourself to be good at something you just started doing. Be gentle and patient and kind to and with yourself. In time you’ll be better at it if you allow it to happen naturally.
And hey “Today I am feeling” is a start and with everything you always have to start somewhere with something. That fact that you started is a big win in itself.
Sometimes I talk my feelings or thoughts out to get them out. I don’t talk loud bc I don’t want anyone hearing me. Even though I’m talking to no one, I talk like I’m talking to someone. Sometimes I’ll write it in poem or song form. Whatever it takes to get it out.
Are you good with writing poetry? And who doesn’t love music right? You can try writing it out by writing songs about it.
And remember practice makes as close to perfect as possible as actual perfection doesn’t really exist. So the more you do it, the better you’ll be in time. And that goes for anything you do. ❤️
@akunknown thanks sweetie 💖 I think I'm gonna try write a poem, I think that might help 💖
@Tinywhisper11
Great! Good luck ❤️
Couple thoughts <3
First, it doesn’t have to be complete sentences. Even if you just write “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS” is fine! Just dump, spew, throw the words onto the paper. No one’s gonna read it. You can rip it up later <3
Also, have you tried talking to your piggies? Talking to animals helps. They love you no matter what, so they’re a great way of venting <3
You can share the poems with us, or save them, or destroy them after <3
@jesusredeemedme2425 ok thanks 💖 I'm really struggling at writing words. I do talk to my piggies and God💖 I'll keep trying 💖
Then draw it out <3
I can’t begin to imagine the weight you’re carrying — but I see the strength in every word you just shared. It takes incredible courage to speak your truth, especially after all you’ve been through. You didn’t deserve a single moment of that pain, and I’m so sorry it ever happened to you. Please know: you are not alone in this. I’m here — fully, quietly, whenever you need someone to just be there. Your story didn’t end in that darkness. You survived, and that in itself is powerful beyond words. You are not broken — you’re brave@Tinywhisper11
@Shubhamgiri20 😥 thank you so much 💖 I really do appreciate your kindness 💖
@Tinywhisper11 you are a god child ☺ lot of positivity and strong energy to you
@Shubhamgiri20 💖🙂💖
@Tinywhisper11🫂💘
@Shubhamgiri20 hey are you in one of the rooms??
@Tinywhisper11 which of those ?
@Shubhamgiri20 I looked in sc but you weren't there
@Tinywhisper11 sc what?
@Shubhamgiri20 I thought you might have been in sharing circle💖 but it's great to see you in forum land 😁 I'm gonna go and watch the sunrise 💖 sends lots of love your way 💖
@Tinywhisper11 hahaa nice.... How can you text you on this platform i wanna know someone special like you more
@Shubhamgiri20 only here in the forums or in the chat rooms💖
@Tinywhisper11 oh nice Good Morning🌞 then chatrooms like groups?
@Shubhamgiri20 good morning 😁 well night here 💖 yeah I meant the group chats💖 hope your doing ok?
@Tinywhisper11 Hey Hii... Yeha I'm doing okay.. I was just ill from few days
@Shubhamgiri20 oh no 🙁 are you feeling ok now?
@Tinywhisper11
Tiny I really really wish I could just give you a really big hug. I wish I had the perfect words to say to make everything go away and for you to be healthy. But I am only human, I can send you many digital hugs though🩵🩵🩵🩵💖💖💖💖🩵🩵🩵🩵 also I would suggest praying, God will always listen and respond, maybe not with words you may not ever figure out how he responds but their will be one. Praying before you go to bed might also help, even if it s just telling him how your day went, He won't mind He'll be smiling that he was your last thought of the day. He loves you Tiny, and so do all of us 💖
@7Bear7 thanks for all the hugs and love💖💖 I do talk to God often 🙂 hugs you tightly 💖 I love you
@Tinywhisper11 I cried reading this 🥺 My heart goes out to you, there's no words or comprehension to describe the horrors you went through, I cannot begin to imagine where you would even start. The people that subjected you to this are the very definition of evil. When nightmares and flashbacks come, it is like reliving it all over again, and when you want to share with others, I understand the difficulty, it's so hard to relay to people just exactly the horrors you suffered and that must be a lonely burden to carry. The fact that you went through all this unspeakable trauma and to have to be in a care home at such a young age, and yet you have the most beautiful heart of any person I have ever met. You are not full of hatred. You are warm, vibrant, and so witty, which irritates me to be fair, because I pride myself actualy on being hilarious 🤣 I love you as a person, as a character, and your spirit, your integrity and your genuiness are inspiring. I'm so glad those vile people didn't take away one thing and that is that you are so cherished and valued and you have everything to offer the world. I am here for you, and you make my day better just by popping by and being you, You are enough Lola 💜💜💜
@Amanda84 thanks sweetie 💖 I really appreciate your kind words 💖 and don't worry you are hilarious too🙂 you always make me smile💖💖 hugs you tightly 💖
@Tinywhisper11 the pleasure is completely mine 💕
@Tinywhisper11 I'm sorry your feeling low, I wish i can help, you've helped me a lot on here and have been a great friend. If there's anything you need I'll just listen even, if that helps any. :(
@genericbeing thanks sweetie 💖 you've been a great friend to me too 💖 just you taking the time to read and respond to this post means the world to me 💖sometimes just knowing that we are heard is all we need so thankyou💖 I love you 💗
@Tinywhisper11 Awesome, I'm glad I helped a little, I get really sad hearing your hurt, life's rough
@Tinywhisper11 Love you too Tiny
@genericbeing 💖💖💖
@Tinywhisper11 so I'm still struggling and trying to cope with memories and flashbacks and my brain isn't being kind to me🙁 I'm ok now but about 20 minutes ago I felt like I was going to pass out, so I pressed my emergency button to call the carers and I went into a different world🙁 I wasn't passed out cause my eyes were open and my carers said I was just sat there screaming for a few minutes, till they managed to snap me out of it😥 it was really scary and now I'm shaking really bad😥 I don't know what happened
This is actually a thing. People do this when they have flashbacks. They just… lose themselves for a bit. It’s hard. But you’re not alone… Please don’t panic. Others go through it, too. <3
@jesusredeemedme2425 I'm ok 💖 just got a bit scared 😨
Also, Mom says she’s sending you the biggest hug <3 She’d love to go on a long walk with you… No words needed. Just love. <3
@jesusredeemedme2425 💖🙂 that would be really nice 💖 I love you mrs Fred 💖
Mom says, “Mrs Fred absolutely adores Tiny” <3
@jesusredeemedme2425 💖🙂 awww yaaay💖
