If only I told my mom (TW SA)
I’m 14 and a girl, my abuser was also a woman. I was 11 she was 14. I am straight. It’s confusing when I say this but it’s true. I was bullied for a long time and struggled with insecurities and suicidal thoughts. She was the only person I felt heard from. She was my only friend. Then she started introducing sexual things to me and would FaceTime guys with me in the room. That’s all it was at first. Then she started getting closer and telling me about being bisexual. I thought oh well i think she is pretty and she’s kind so maybe im bisexual too(im not). So I told her that i thought I had feelings for her, and then we kissed. I thought that was love. As the months go by she gets more and more intimate. And started saying oh stick ur tongue in my mouth, or grab my *** and I would obey because I didn’t want her to leave. She would sometimes pin me down and grab my ***. We would sleepover all the time and i didn’t even realize I was being groomed. I also don’t know what grooming was at the time. One day I touched her thigh and she freaked out and said that I SAed her and a bad person. She did that stuff to me so I thought it was okay. She never said to stop. We stopped talking ofc and she turned the only other friend I had against me and we didn’t speak for two years. After that I told my mom and she explained what grooming was and how if I had came to her sooner she could’ve stopped it. I wish I did. I attempted on an old shelf a little while after and my abuser stopped talking. The shelf broke and I lied to my parents saying that it just fell. Luckily they believed me. My dad still doesn’t know what happened and I have no proof to show the police if I were to press charges. It would be my word against hers. That’s all I really remember, Ik more happened but I just can’t remember. I tried but can’t, my mom said that it was a trauma response and I have gone to her before about it. It’s been my deepest darkest secret for years. I haven’t told more then 4 people. I’m still afraid to leave my house sometimes because she’s also my neighbor. If anyone has any suggestions on how I can recover I would appreciate it.
@tidyKiwi6106
I'm so sorry you had o go through this. ❤️ Is there a way you could get your parent to talk to her parents?
My mom tried but the girl lied and turned everything on me and nothing came out of it.
I’m really, really sorry this happened to you. I want you to know this, that none of this was your fault. You were a kid who was lonely and hurting, and someone you trusted crossed lines they never should have. That’s abuse. You didn’t “let it happen” — you were trying not to be abandoned.
The confusion, the memory gaps, even not realizing it was wrong at the time… all of that makes sense. That’s how grooming works. And the way she turned it on you later? That’s not on you. At all.
I’m glad you told your mom. I’m glad you’re still here. Healing doesn’t have to be loud or perfect — it can just be you feeling a little safer, little by little. Please be gentle with yourself. You deserved protection then, and you deserve it now. And abovd all please remember that you matter. Your voice matters. Whatever she did is who she was, they're her choices, not yours. She knew what she was doing and actively exploited you. Also, It makes sense you’re scared. Seeing someone who hurt you can make your body panic even if you know you’re “safe” now. You don’t have to force yourself to be brave. Go out in small steps, not all at once. If you can, don’t go alone—take your mom, a friend, or keep someone on call.
Avoiding her doesn’t mean you’re weak. It means you’re protecting yourself. This fear won’t last forever, even if it feels heavy right now.
I just want you to know that you're beautiful and lovely and a precious soul. Please know that What happened didn’t make you smaller, messier, or less worthy of love. You still deserve to feel safe, to take up space, to laugh loudly, to step outside without fear someday. Even on days when it feels hard, your life has weight and meaning. I’m really really glad you’re here. 🩷🩷🩷
Thank you❤️
I’ve been slowly getting used to leaving my house. Even if it’s just to take the trash out. I realized everything as I got older and my heart breaks for younger me. I had no clue and now I have little memory. My mom always asks if she did more but I honestly don’t know. We slept in the same bed. I don’t know what happened in the bed though. I turned to Christianity and it’s helped me through it as well. It still lingers but I’m healing, the scars are permanent but that’s what makes you, you.
