I forgave my m0lester and I regret it
When I was 8 years old, my old brother was best friends with a guy named Sidd. Since they were good friends, my brother would go to his house and sometimes I would come along with. Well one day when I was at Sidd's house, and my brother was busy in another room, Sidd SA'd me. It traumatized me and I've been thinking about it a lot, especially these past few months I've thought about it nearly every day.
Well I'm 16 now, and I've never told anyone about what he did to me. A few months ago, my brother was talking nostalgically and started talking about him in such a good way it made me mad. I asked what his name was, because it's been 8 years I didn't remember his name. My brother said his first name and said he didn't remember his last name. My dad was good friends with Sidd's dad, so I asked my dad what his last name was and he told me. I looked his name up on In$tag@m (for some reason this app likes to censor that word) and sure enough it was him.
I decided I wanted to send him a message and I wanted to forgive him because I was hoping it would help me. It didn't. I sent him a DM in December and he responded a day later asking who I was, and I explained what happened and I explained how I forgive him.
I regret doing that now. I thought it would help me to forgive him and maybe I wouldn't feel so bad about it. Well it worked for about a week. And then after that, I felt even worse and now I hold even more resentment for him and I'm not quite sure why.
I just want to know how to get over this and how to get the thought out of my mind because it's almost constantly there.
@ELIJAHHHH
what did you expect? remorse or a sincere apology?
forgiving is for you not him. and you still want some acknowledgement. What you did was very mature and hopefully you know how impressive it is.
When I told him about it he said he didn't remember at all but he did send back a very sincere apology and I really was happy about it, and it was what I wanted. Idk why I feel anger towards him at this point. I got what I wanted and I guess it just wasn't enough but I'm not quite sure what would be enough.
@ELIJAHHHH
it is far more than most ever get. count as a win
@ELIJAHHHH
Just em for compensation money, at-least you could enjoy your life or spent it to do self-healing.
I'm not trying to be rude but if this is an attempt at a joke it's not funny and if you're being serious, I'm not doing that because I'm not a petty person and that's a really dumb thing to do
@ELIJAHHHH
then why you seek the person who molested you? I mean for what? just to say I forgive you then what?
you don't know what to do. forgiving is getting better, the more you forgive you get better else you ain't forgiving anyone let alone yourself. It is not you who are wrong so why should you the one saying you forgive him? you are the victim, so logically, you shouldn't looking for trouble especially when your life ain't better than him.
I didn't say it is bad to forgive but I mean why you are looking for trouble when you are not even have a better life than him? now, he might be able to abuse you again cause he can.
Forgiving should only be given by someone who is sincere, which mean they paid or compensation your loss but well, if you want to do charity then go ahead but don't regret it, before you do something better think carefully if you could live with the consequences for the rest of your life.
Anyway, just curious? are you not busy in real life? is your life is that great until you are seeking the person who molested you just to say "I forgive you" ? cause you should be busy building your life to be better then to spent it for non-sense. well, again, if you could afford it and you want it, it's okay but don't regret it, it is done, you can't change it so better move on. There are a lot of things to be done in real life, so many important things to be done to have a great life but again it is your choice to spent it for non-sense, maybe your life is already that great, who knows but then why regret it? regreting doesn't do anything, nor it fix the problem only make you feel worse.
My life is terrible right now. I'm going through a lot right now and I'm already trying to deal with those other things. But I cannot just move on from this. I've tried. And it's obvious that I can't just move on like that since it's been 8 coming up on 9 years since it happened and it's still hurting me.
@ELIJAHHHH
1. Learn to forgive yourself, you are a victim,
2. Learn that it is already happen and the fact you can't change it.
3. It's been 8 or 9 years you have mourn or do self pity for yourself, so how much more will you like these kind of situation and feelings? so, better give it a try to yourself to be better, get things done, make things better for yourself. Start to hold your own life at your own hands and take control of it by being busy if you know what to do, if you don't know what to do then:
1. Learn what do you really really want or matters for you? -> ask this question, if you only given 1 choice to choose what to keep in your life, what will you choose to keep knowing if you choose to keep it then you might lose everything else then next question is, can you live with the consequences of it ? if you were able to answer it then you know what you want or matters for you.
2. Learn what do you need? ask what do your body need and mentally need?
3. Learn who are you? I mean what you good at and not? what is your purpose of life?
4. after knowing what you good at then you can focus on investing on it. make a plan, focus by doing
5. Then after it, you should make a list of life priority base on what is the urgency on your need first.
6. Then get a job or start working to get some kind of income.
7. Then know your affordibility and level on life.
8. adjust your lifestyle with what you could afford.
If you done all of these, you will have no time to over thinking or thinking too much on the past, being distracted and everyday is always a progress for you to get better. you will be free and being mature, different person then your old version who are bind the past tragedy.
you could even be an example and end up helping other ppl to who might be having same bad exp as you.
When I decided to forgive him (even though it was a short lived forgiveness) I was doing terrible and I wanted to move on. I thought forgiving him and getting a sincere apology would help me move on but it hasn't. I'm not looking to be compensated or anything like that.
@ELIJAHHHH
btw don't forget also being realistic.
Cause we live in a real world, where there are some unwritten rules that applied and bind ppl.