I need help and I'm stuck with this
Hi, i wanted to post here because I had some stuff on my mind and I didn't really know how to handle it on my own. So, basically my mom when I was younger forced me to go like everywhere with her where she wanted and she was pretty controlling too, like where I didn't really get to have my own life. I like only had my mother around to talk to for some of the time, and she was really disconnected with the world and wasn't really the best role model, she was angry a lot and would yell. I was just thinking about that today, and later after that happened, I had a time where I just didn't know how to do a lot of basic stuff. I didn't even know how to think properly, i didn't know how to take care of my life. I was really clingy to my brother and I used to people please a lot. I neglected myself really badly, and I was just looking back at my life and realized I wasn't really even trying in my life a lot of the time I just watched YouTube all the time, but my brother was better at doing stuff for his life, but it might of been because my mom was harder on him to work and my mom had like a weird mindset that guys should work for women while women do nothing. So was I like how I was because what I went through or was it because I was just lazy? I was really depressed as well so maybe that will help. But now after that situation, I just feel like so disconnected and I feel like a bad person because I'm struggling to put effort into relationships and my own life. I just feel so weird about how I couldn't even think properly, like I was just sitting in my room for like a long time because I didn't know how to think through my problems or other stuff really. Idk if that's weird, I feel really isolated about it and I feel like a bad person a lot of the time.
I wasted a lot of time because of how my mind wasn't very active and I feel really sad about it.
I just wanted to ask about your guys opinions I guess, could I not think we'll because of how my mom raised me and can you guys relate to it? I just really need help and idk what else to say. I feel like this messed up my life a lot, and I'm struggling to see a way forward. Idk I'm just sad. Sorry this post is kinda all over the place, I was depressed while writing. I'm trying not to think of this stuff anymore, but I keep thinking about past stuff when I'm trying to heal from the self neglect and start taking care of my life again. It feels like I don't have much control over that sometimes and I just really need help. Any replies would be really appreciated
@RaspberryRaptor
It sounds like your mom had some mental health issues and keeping you close and maybe even unable to do for yourself kept you needing her... you are not alone in that. Sometimes parents like to limit or control kids to feel needed and keep them dependent. It is hard when kids get older and do not need parents as much.
My mom tried and was successful in IMO limiting a couple of my siblings........so every decision / every issue they let my mom tell them what to do. When they got much older, they simply did not have the skills to do life and second guessed every decision. I broke free and my mom was always a bit angry about that I think.... told me awful things about decisions I made on my own.
Just watching you tube of not doing things on your own may have been procrastination worried about not being able to do things for yourself. Do not be hard on yourself about that many of us do that too. Some people are nervous doing New things on their own....
@RaspberryRaptor Hi you are not alone and I can relate. You were adultified as a child.The Google definition of Adultification is the harmful process or bias where a child is perceived, treated, or expected to behave as being older and more mature than they developmentally are. It strips away the assumptions of innocence and vulnerability usually afforded to youth, often leading to age-inappropriate responsibilities or overly harsh punishments. You were raised by a mother who has narcissist disorder. This can cause a lot of problems in adulthood. You pretty much don’t know how to have an identity outside of the abuse. Your childhood was stripped from you. You were told to act and take on adult responsibilities but treated as a child whenever it suited her. That can cause confusion and identity issues. Usually you might have trust issues, inability to emotionally bond with people, have concentration problems, anxiety, social anxiety etc. You have to take back your autonomy. How? You can start by making decisions for yourself and stick to them no matter what. Start doing things on your own instead of relying on your brother most of the time if you are. Start focusing on your goals and ambitions. It’s not too late to find yourself. Most importantly you have to talk about what happened to you which you are doing now. You’ve taken the first step to healing. This is a big deal and congratulations. You know something wasn’t right about your childhood and now you’re trying to process it. This will be the hard part but not as difficult as denying what happened. Once you start processing you will go through stages of anger, grief, denial and acceptance until you finally realize and understand that what happened to you wasn’t your fault. I went through severe narcissist abuse for years. I know the feeling of not being understood and feeling like you’re walking on eggshells. Living in survival mode right? Constantly looking for validation right? Sometimes as abuse survivors we often develop some traits of our abusers unfortunately. You can heal if you’re willing to put in the inner work. This is the advice that I have based on my experience.
