Is My Childhood Trauma Still Affecting My Adult Relationships and Personality?
Hi guys, this is my first post on 7Cups but I'm in need of some answers, so please bear with me, sorry if it's a tad long...
So very long story short, I have dealt with a lot of emotional, psychological, and some physical abuse at the hands of my narcissistic father throughout my childhood. In my very early childhood he was very physically and emotionally absent because he tended to work overseas a lot and just didn't care about me and my siblings or my mom when he was home. But when I was a pre-teen he started working closer to home but this is when the abuse and bullying started to become a LOT worse. For as long as I can remember, I have been terrified of him, emotionally and physically. He doesn't handle anger very well at all and his mood can change on a dime, he'd go from content to passive aggressive to raging out in a matter of minutes over absolutely nothing. I also have been struggling with severe treatment-resistant depression, general anxiety, social anxiety, OCD, and maybe (still undiagnosed) CPTSD and BPD.
I realized that lately, even now (I'm about to turn 22 this month) I have a hard time forming any meaningful friendships and I have no interest in romantic relationships at all. And the few friendships I've been able to make they tend to ignore my boundaries and walk all over me because I'm definitely a people pleaser, or leave because I'm too much of an inconvenience for them... I only have 1 close friend, and even she doesn't talk to me much (we live 3 hours apart so we mostly just text but she also has a lot of childhood trauma). I'm extremely closed off and introverted, and I've just been wondering if it's maybe because of my childhood trauma. Can trauma even affect your personality like that?
Does anyone relate or have any thoughts?
I've just been wondering if it's maybe because of my childhood trauma. Can trauma even affect your personality like that?
Yes, childhood trauma can affect your life/personality up until your adult years.
Does anyone relate or have any thoughts?
I can relate to what you say. I've dealt with physical and verbal abuse from my parents, along with SA from my mother. This lead to me leaving the house at 18y.o. and never looking back. This has affected my adult life, as it took me a long time to get a romantic relationship, and when I had my first one, he ended up being an abusive alcoholic who nearly made me unalive and impregnated me so I wouldn't leave basically...
But now I am safe. I have a wonderful kiddo and a loving partner whom I'll be moving in with sometime this year. We're working on plans.
It took me a lot of work to break out of my shell and get to know people and open up to allow myself to be vulnerable. Along the way, I have had both good and bad experiences. I challenged myself, back when I was in college, to try and strike up a conversation with at least one person a day, until gradually it was 2, 3, etc etc and I made many friends there and learnt it was OK to just be myself around these people.
I took the initiative every time to invite them out to events and join me in some hobbies/interests. In return, they began to invite me out and invited me to join them in their hobbies/interests. It definitely expanded my world.
I became a recluse again though when I had to drop out of college and deal with family issues...but when I moved to a different state, same thing happened, I made friends at my workplace, met some clients, etc. It was fun...
Then I moved AGAIN because rent was high, and again...family...
So I ended up here, which is where I met that abusive alcoholic ex and have been in this state since (but plan on moving with my partner to start FRESH, no family members around my area at all. No stalkers or abusers in the area who want to cause me harm).
Also, I think going to a DV group helped tremendously, especially after I escaped my ex-fiancé. I learnt about setting healthy boundaries. I'm currently trying to get into therapy for 1v1 time to get extra help. It would be nice...
I think just going to support groups, therapy, meeting people(whether that's strangers, or hobby groups, or even online), and working on yourself is probably the best thing to do, to at least help cope with the trauma.
I have an avoidant issue, that I really need to see a therapist about. I tend to move around a lot and I don't feel safe.
Anyhow, I wish you the best! ✨
@WallSunFlower03 From what I've read we have pretty similar backgrounds. What I can say is I think we all carry our histories with us and it can affect how we move in the world as adults. You don't have to live with the burden of your trauma forever though. It will take work to unlearn the patterns that we fall into. It will take time to understand ourselves but it can happen. I'm trying everyday. I hope you find peace one day and that you find your people.