Just venting I guess
Tw: brief mentions if child abuse
My mom was very awful to me when I was growing up, she was an alcoholic and it really affected me. She would hit me and say horrible things to me like telling me I'm worthless and stupid. I moved out once I turned 18 and I was doing just fine on my own.
I'm 21 now and a few months ago I got diagnosed with a chronic illness that causes chronic pain and chronic fatigue. I tried hard to keep living on my own, but I can't even hold down a job anymore. I ended up having to move back in with my mother.
She doesn't drink as much anymore, and she doesn't hit me or call me names. She's still manipulative and hurtful though. I think the worst part is that she doesn't even remember all of the horrible things she did to me. I have to live with PTSD from her abuse for the rest of my life, while she gets to forget because she was so drunk and high she blacked out most of my childhood.
I'm so grateful I get to live here rent free, because if not I'd be homeless, but I feel trapped here like I'll never escape her. I'm just struggling to find a lot of positives in my life right now.
@JelliiBean
Hello, my dear. I am so glad that you are here with us. I am sorry that your mother was abusive to you coming up and that she has since tamed the need for alcohol. I understand that you have had to move back home with your mom because of health issues. When you ask her questions about her abuse, and she does not remember doing those things is what happens to a lot of people. I don't think it is intentional but a part of the condition.
Nevertheless, it does not minimize the abuse that occurred from her. It does not let her off the hook for the damage that she has done to you. Which now places the ball in your court. She must be responsible for her own actions, but you now have to take the reins and try to get professional help or counseling to help deal with the pain and hurt that has come from her. I know this may be easier said than done. If you are able to stay with your mom with no more trauma and drama, then that is good, but if the name-calling and tearing you down continues, that may not be a good fit for your own mental well-being.
You deserve to be happy, and you never deserve to be mistreated. I hope you can find peace and well-being.
May you have a good and Prosperous new year❤️😊🎄Merry Christmas