My Nightmares Won't Stop
I just woke up from another nightmare. I do not know how to heal from this. I can't get myself to a point where I really want to forgive this time. I'm damaged, broken and lost. I'm dealing with people that do not know how to really deal with me. I'm disliked and avoided by many. I'm alone and I feel so lonely. Yeah I even remember that day when I was in my hometown. And I hungout with this girl... if I didn't bother to ask the others to get together they would've done nothing. I mean they are great people but geez why must I be the one getting them together everytime? I want to be in in my hometown so bad but that weekend just sucked because I felt like I'm forcing things... I don't really bother with anyone... if I address this then I'm the overdramatic one and *** for making them feel like *** but their actions don't change..
I get it we all have busy different lives and priorities but I make time... damm I wish I had people in my life that actually showed I meant something and not just when they feel they want to whenever it suits them.
I realize it each time I am not anyone's favorite or that I matter to people. Mostly I don't care what people think of me but the ones that matter to me their opinion in this case matters but it is what I have to live with everyday.
And some knowing what I went through dont give a damn about me. I really wish I was in a position right now to just start over and dissappear and just really be intentionally on my own.
That *** who put me through so much trauma really made sure it affected me as a person and my relationship with people and who I am today. Ugh can anyone relate?
@Jasuanjasu Hello, on this occasion, you have two choices. You either communicate or leave them. Communicating meaning, express your feelings, and tell them what is bothering you. If they don't care about you, you can know they are fake friends and you need to leave them. If they are fake friends and you continue staying with them you will continue feeling down and your life will be ruined. Lastly what I like to tell you is Don't overthink stuff like they don't like me or they are judging me because in this world there will be at least some people that will like you.
It's been a little over a week since your post. How are the nightmares? Do you remember what you've dreamt of?
I used to get nightmares every night, with times that last a week. It would be the same story, but different ending each night. A lot of my nightmares stemmed from childhood traumas. If you remember what you dream about, try and keep a journal of it. I've written a Dream Log, for all the nightmares and dreams that I've ever had, and of the ones I remember clearly. At one point, I brought them to a Psychologist I once saw, and was told that my nightmares/dreams was actually having myself trying to solve the problem subconsciously. The Psychologist was able to connect my nightmares/dreams to the struggles and traumas I've experienced. It was quite interesting. Nowadays, whenever I have that occasional nightmare/dream, after logging it, I will take the time to match it with what's happening in my life in the present.
These friends you've mentioned, it doesn't sound like they are friends you should hang around with. If you have friends that gives off a negative vibe towards you, they are ones that don't deserve you as their friend. Know that we don't deserve friends who only use us for their needs, and not care about what our needs are from them. You need to make a decision to cut off those friends and make new friends, ones that truly care about you and are understanding the situation you are in.
@Jasuanjasu