My nerves can't do this anymore

         * if you're depressed, don't read this. *

                 I'm going to explode. I can't do this anymore. Insomnia, sleepless nights, never ending criticism from narcisstic mother, switching houses all the time from her and  narcissistic father, not being able to decide where I go and what I do, being trapped in this house full of tension, my boundaries being stepped on like it's nothing, the disgust I feel for my own "family", the anhedonia, the pain of not being able to do what I want to do cause I lack energy, wanting to scream and cry every damn second, being treated like a prisoner, the paranoia and the exaggeration, the drama, the hidden informations about mother's plans that she reveals last minute to make me burst from the shock, and now... She forced me to see a therapist, and I don't want to be confronted to having to pretend, and her lying, and the therapist enabling my parents and not seeing me seriously and I just don't want to go, and so I was seeing a psychologist I began to like going to, when she announces I'm gonna see ANOTHER person, a therapist this time, cause I apparently need psychiatry (when she said the opposite a year ago). She doesn't even have logic, she just wants to disturb me and I can't hold it anymore. Setting boundaries: makes me frustrated. Not doing so: makes me her doll. I want to scream and I want everyone to wake up. Why are adults so immature?

     I can't catch a break. Vacations ain't even over for me and It's already the second time I'm gonna see a professional. Make no mistake; it's not to help me. It's to satisfy her caprice because I'm not a perfect pantin for her to put her emotions on without resistance. When I suffer from so much stress and so many things, she and all the others can only see my reactions. Only see my anger. She sees me sleeping on the floor next to the kitchen but she doesn't see how bad the air in my room feels, and how trapped I feel in my own house. She wants to fix me. And I just want to LEAVE. And nobody cares about how I struggle here. They just see the surface. I don't even have the keys to my own house because I'm gonna "lose" them, and I don't even have a phone because I "never respond". What kind of h*ll this is? What does she wants? Is she never satisfied? She has total control over my life, and she made me as sick and insomniac as she is but she still isn't happy! Like honestly this place is torture, it's not even just toxic it's ... Beyond words. It's suffocating!  I hate hate hate my life. I had such great potential. How is it possible that nobody put a term to that? Because it's nothing else than ABUSE. Why do people get it when they hear a child from another continent is abused but when they see their own relative getting shouted at, they are blind to it. 

  Really bad things only happen to others. 

   It's like bullying, it's seen as a distant thing, but in reality, we all participated in bullying at least once, as a victim, culprit or witness, and even worse, it's right next to us everywhere. It's not the same, they think. It wasn't always this way. But the better I got, the worse they are. Now, I'm suffering, and you know the irony? I'm suffering because I got better.  Now what, self-development influencers? What do you have to say to this? I feel like an invisible truthteller or smthg. I want to punch hard all the people who said "they did their best". 

Preach.