My trust is at an all time low
I'm not sure if this is the right forum but I thought it most suited
I don't really talk about this which might be part of the problem, but also the cause of me not talking (I know I'm probably rationalizing this too much).
A couple of years ago I had a mental breakdown situation at work. I got into therapy afterwards and initially it seeked great. However things turned awkward for reasons I did not understand then and I quit the therapy figuring it was just me overthinking and needing something else. It turned out (I learned later the hard way) that they had mishandled my personal info for a while and lots of other stuff was going behind the scenes. It destroyed my trust just reading about it last year when it came to light in the most hurtful of ways.
Around the same time I confided in family when I was having a hard time. They didn't really believe me and thought it was just something that was in my head. I greatly rue not having faith in myself but it hurts more knowing my family didn't have trust in me the slightest when I was at my worst and didn't have ny back ultimately.
Last year I was in therapy again. Initially it seemes great but it all came crashing down in the worst least expected way. I never saw it coming but it felt horrible. It was the last spot I really had a connection going but seeing how it went downhill just hit my self esteem hard. At the same time my other last connection (close group of friends) had tensions going (partly I think I made mistakes which I underetimated the effects of). I've cut contact with them too since the stress and mistrust of everything going on cut go me.
It's been a year and I still feel so horrible. I feel like something is wrong with me. On top of that my trust has been completely destroyed. I feel something must be wrong with me being in my 30's and just leaving a wake of carcrash relationship endings in my wake.
How do you regain your trust? In yourself or those around you.
I'm just looking for some type of answers. I signed up for a new therapy but am not sure anymore how it will pan out. I'm just struggling and worst my lack of connections (usurped by the distrust monger) makes it a hard space to be in. How do I even begin to escape this hellhole?
@sirKeats I understand so much of what you’re expressing. The lack of family support, betrayal by authority figures, crashing relationships, everyone around you thinking it’s all your problem. I hope you don’t mind me writing, because I know you asked for answers, but I don’t have any. I feel so lost with these things. I don’t think it’s you. We live in a society and time where the majority of people don’t comprehend how to be genuinely caring. It’s like they want everything to be simple and can’t handle anything that goes below surface level. I’ve seen many people here going through similar things in their own worlds. I’m sorry you’re experiencing all this. I know it’s causing you pain. You don’t deserve it.
@sirKeats
Hi! I also struggle with vulnerability and trust issues and in my personal experience with these problems, sometimes it really does take lots of time to rebuild. Personally I never told any of my friends or family anything personal or about my feelings but as I've been with some of my friends of years I've only just now started to share my feelings. With trust issues you really have to learn to push yourself a lot and trust the process and most important acknowledge that it will take time but you have to make effort to at least start by giving small pieces of your trust then when you feel comfortable, you can start giving more (to the right people of course).