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TW:SA mentioned; dating after SA

User Profile: Wavescurrent7622
Wavescurrent7622 March 21st, 2024

basically I’m 25 years old and the assault happened years ago. I haven’t told anyone about it and recently I’ve felt super confident in myself like i haven’t in years. Recently i decided i wanted to casually start dating again, nothing serious. Today I made an impulsive decision to get a drink with a guy in a few days even tho he was weird in his messages and my friends told me to avoid him. I think I have PTSD and I’m not sure if this is a manifestation of that and that I’m being impulsive bc of it or bc my confidence is finally back in myself. I don’t know how to tell the difference and that scares me a little. I’m canceling the date.

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User Profile: toughTiger6481
toughTiger6481 March 22nd, 2024

@Wavescurrent7622

That is the hard part about taking risks and being impulsive .... It could be either or both at same time...I am glad you are getting your self confidence and esteem back. 

If you backed out of date but want to start dating it maybe a good time to talk to someone about what happened to you. 

It is just a good thing so you can feel confident in your choices even impulsive ones. 

User Profile: smallforestcreature
smallforestcreature March 24th, 2024
@Wavescurrent7622 One of the biggest challenges in getting more comfortable/growing after trauma and navigating PTSD is trying to assess how risky certain situations are. It sounds like you took your friends' advice, being skeptical of this person you were going to meet. It can be hard to find a balance, but trying to step back and view situations in terms of gray scale rather than black and white was something that helped me a lot. The red flags your friends were concerned about doesn't mean a date with this person would be a worst case scenario by any means. That's not to say that I think you should see this person, but just to say if you had gone on the date, it doesn't necessarily mean anything bad would have happened. When I was excited getting back into dating after feeling vulnerable in the past, something that helped me was realizing boundaries for myself in early dating stages that could help me feel safer, such as only meeting during the day in public places, or giving myself permission to cut a date short if I get a weird feeling about it (having an excuse ready to go). It makes sense to feel fearful if your friends reacted that way, but if you have a system in place to make you feel safe when meeting new people, especially if someone gave you a cause for concern, you'll have many options to protect yourself. I have had friends that share times and locations with others when they go on dates, and ask for someone to check in on them after a few hours. It's great that you're feeling confident and excited to date, and how you want to date and interact with people is totally up to you, including any rules or boundaries you want to set to make you feel more comfortable. 
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