The scapegoat in the family stops now

I am at a loss right now. I got out of a 26 year marriage with a covert narcissist. He ended up choking me one night and that night I took my power back and I got myself together and left 4 years later.

I was always the problem child growing up. I was the one to be blamed and yes I tended to be the one that was curious and mischievous. My up bringing was with unemotional detached parents. There was no love or expression of love. If you cried my dad would give you something to cry about. Both parents worked in an era were most mom's stayed home so there wasnt an attachment. I was my father's favorite as my twin and brother were my mom's.

I found out this weekend when I hung out with my adult son that my family has been talking about me behind my back and in front of him. He said this has been going on for a long time. He didn't want my feelings hurt so he never brought it up. He realized how judgemental they were and he never stood up for me as he was afraid that he would b retaliated against.

I had had enough. I finally called my mom and advised her of this information and she went on about her not saying anything. And I explained that was worse. She condoned it to happen and didn't stop it. My mom who is supposed to love me unconditionally allowed this to go on. She never apologized or said sorry instead she went down a laundry list of my faults and than went into the fact she did this for me and that for me. Not out of love but to throw it in my face.

I have made the decision to step away from my entire family. They don't believe what happened to me with my ex and they are siding with him. I was the problem in the relationship and I caused the drama and pain.

Its gut wrenching to feel these feelings. I always looked for my mom's approval and validation. I wanted her to see me and love me and I have come to terms that it will never happen.

It's so traumatizing because while my ex spent decades gaslighting and manipulating me this whole time my family was doing the same. I would say I felt left out and they would tell me I was dramatic and overreacting.

This validates what I felt was valid over the years. It was traumatizing to believe my ex was the worst betrayal ever. I'm not doing well right now, but I know I will survive. I always have, and I always will. Today, they won't break me down.

Thank you for giving me this space to express myself.