Work is a trigger but I have to work

Hi first post.

I have lots of trauma and good chunk of that is authority figures letting me down. Either not keeping me safe or actively making things harder. It started in childhood but I've seen a lot as an adult. Just about every job I've had has let me down or traumatized me in some way.

My current job has a triple whammy. It started with a sudden unannounced round of layoffs right as I was dealing with a load of health issues. I was already anxious and it made it 10x worse. It was a trauma event in itself. It broke my trust in the organization and set that another letdown feeling. Then I spiraled to where I got serious help and did some major trauma work. I came back all out of whack and dealing with being angry for the first time. Long story short it wasn't obvious what was going on with me and I wound up in serious trouble. I couldn't articulate it at the time and by the time I could I was already through the last chance improvement plan and safe from on the spot termination. So I'm permanently anxious about losing my job. I have some extra life circumstances that would make it extra bad if I got fired.

So being at work sucks and I'm still deep in my head about a lot, some work some not. It's a trigger and I hate that I'm stuck here for a while. Plus going anywhere else would probably be worse with outside circumstances.