A Raven's Eye

@SpruceRaven

Hi, Raven! How are you feeling today?

Looks like it's our last day here. It makes me sad to know that we won't be able to talk to each other anymore. Please talk to my friend as well, alright? She really wants to talk with you before you go. You know who I'm referring to, right?

@lonelyandsickFede

I'll be here a bit more if ypu like. I'll be sad not to talk to you anymore either. Will be telling you the story as it were later today.

Need to gp swimming and walking first. It's just now 5:20a ...and unfortunately the pool doesnt open till 7:30

@lonelyandsickFede

I usually use orange for your name but thought i'd try this. 😀

Feeling as if i've failed somehow....after most of my experienes here. (YOU however remain a bright star & comfort).

I really thought i gave alot of suppprt and compassion for the most part here.

It scares me that however i am wounded ...whatever is wrong in me or damaged....is something even other damaged persons feel a need to villify and judge and attack.

I THINK all I did was stand up for myself....ask to be cared about. I know i fell apart...but not any worse than anyone else.

Maybe ...there's no hope. It feels dangerous to ask for help here now. Like i have to sugarcoat everything ... like i will never come in the right package to be worth saving or caring about.

It confuses me when i see all the things other people say they feel.... not much different from me really...yet...somehow ....more palatable....more acceptable or popular.

-------

Anyway, cheer me up a bit, will you Fede? Tell me what some of your favorite games are and what you like most about them. I haven't gotten into gaming as much as you, so you may need to gice me details.

I loved ut earlier when you talked about all the thought you put into naming and shaping a character. Tell me more.

I'm always willing to learn new things.

@lonelyandsickFede

I imagine i seem really whiny to you Fede. Stuck in ...whatever it is I feel stuck in. I really did think i was making progress...even here. Who knows?

Anyway, I really think you have the right idea about just shaping our current lives with our own attitude...e.g. accept these painful pieces as "what is" and then do the best we can in terms of HOW we handle it.

Maybe there IS a certain amount of "skipping steps" to that.... just even that human desire to avoid grief and additional emotional distress...on top of EVERYTHING ELSE one might be dealing with.

Maybe that's just...SMART. SURVIVAL.

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I'm not sure I have whatever "mojo" it is that engenders sympathy or empathy in others. It fascinates me how others can ...fall apart...share all their wounds and judgements....be harsh, negative, extreme...and be rallied around with comfort and support.

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@lonelyandsickFede

dont forget to tell me about your Gaming....and the other things you love. We haven't talked enough about you. How did you and your Fidanzato meet (i know a little...want to share more?)

Back in 4 hours

@SpruceRaven

Hello, my dear friend!

Hope you slept well. Tho seeing you up at 5 am I'm gonna guess you didn't :C

Why do you go swim so early? Just wondering :) there's nothing wrong with it.

I really miss swimming. I remember going to the beach for few days every summer and spending hours swimming, or sometimes when we went to a city far from the sea and the hotel had a pool I swam there.

I don't know why I like swimming so much. There's something beautiful and fun and relaxing about it.

But now I certainly can't swim anymore... *sigh*

Sorry. Don't mind me!

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I know what you mean, Raven :(

I'm really sorry.

Don't think you've failed. It's not your fault, really.

I honestly don't know why people treat us differently even when they're similar to us.

I've wondered the same for a long time and I've come to the conclusion that some people are not worth worrying about.

So I don't bother trying to change their opinion about me anymore.

I always try to be nice to everyone. If they're a***oles despite that, then it's their problem.

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Oh, mh... It's really hard to pick one favorite game. I gotta think about it... Unless you're ok with a long list :)

@lonelyandsickFede

have you decided if you're going to stay?

i think you said you met your good friend here through an rpg ...that you have that incommon and talk about that here.

yes....give me the long list of games.😁😊👍

havent made it to the pool yet.

do need to do that so i'm more centered

'👋',👋*

@SpruceRaven

Hi again!

Oh, sorry. I didn't see the other posts.

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You're not whiny, Raven. Why would you think that?

Ah. I don't know if it's just smart survival.

It's more like..

Sh*it happens. Can I do anything about it? If yes, I'll pull myself together and try to fix it. If no, then there's nothing I can do but accept it.

Of course... I'm gonna be sad about it, but it's easier and more efficient to just go with it, "play along" and adapt myself to the problem, because the problem certainly isn't gonna adapt to me and fix itself if it's unfixable.

But yea. "FML" moments do happen as well. I do get discouraged and hopeless. But most times no one will share the pain with me nor feel sad for me. So I'm just gonna get sadder that no one cares. Might as well wipe my tears and deal with it.

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Oh.. Sure, ask away!

Uhmm. Well.. We met online and immediately felt close and like we had known each other for long. Since that day we talk to each other every day :) We started dating almost 3 years ago.

We message each other or videochat. If we're both in the mood and have time/strength, we watch something (mostly Achievement Hunter) and/or play games.

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Ah wait, I think I have the list somewhere :) I'll copy it here as soon as I find it