A Raven's Eye

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@lonelyandsickFede

"But most times no one will share the pain with me nor feel sad for me. So I'm just gonna get sadder that no one cares. Might as well wipe my tears and deal with it."

Yeah. It's like that. 💔💔💔

I care Fede. I always will. Even after I'm gone. 💝💝💝

So sweet how you and your Fidanzato find ways to connect...and support other. I'm glad you have each other.

And your friend Tsudenka is a gamer too, huh? So awesome.

@SpruceRaven

Awww

Thank you, Raven

I care about you too 💖❤💖❤💖❤💖

Please remember my words when you feel lost, discouraged and lonely, so that I'll cheer you up even when we're apart 😊

----

Oh yea, my friend is a gamer too. However you mistyped it, it's Tsunderika 😊

Have you talked to her yet? You might wanna do it.

----

I found my list of games (tho I need to add more games to it now) but I gotta post it from my pc because it's too long to re-type and 7cups on the phone browser doesn't like it when I select more than one word at once.

Until I get on my pc, you could check the list on my profile description.

@lonelyandsickFede

Hi. Impressive list of games. No Tsunderika wasnt available or i couldn't find her.

Just saw that you were going on a self-care break for a bit. Hope things work put better for you when you come back. I was happy to see you will have people who will miss you.

@lonelyandsickFede

you deserve the best.

@lonelyandsickFede

So wierd. I tried to repost your feed message a # of times and it failed....multiple times. 😞😩???

@lonelyandsickFede

hey there.

I made the mistake of chrcking another thread. Realizing i put ypu in an awkward position with your other friends. Never intended that.... And i really regret opening up here at all.

I still believe I'm a good person....

--'

I'm sure you can still make a place for yourself here Fede partic if I am putt of the way.

the story a.k.a Raven's past

Anyway.... the short version of the story is that my brother was mentally, physicall and emotionally abusive to me since the age of 7....and psychologivally manipulative and emotionally abusive and manipulative up till 111 + days ago. He was vicious and did his best to cpnvince me I had no worth.

My parents never protected me nor believed me. Attempts to seek aid just got me in trouble and told some version of ...it was my fault. This went on for decades.

He almost killed me at least twice.

In between there were honeymoon periods. He can be very charming etc. And I kept telling myself somehow it could be turned around. I kept thinking there was love and hope etc.

It's long overdue telling you this story... and is probably a bit anticlimactic by now. Still, I promised... so there you have it.

----

Having seen how others react to me....

I no longer believe there is any hope for me.

Don't leave this site on my account Fede. You have good friends here and they want you to stay.

I'm going now. I'll check in to see if you have replied. Beyond that it usually rakes a couple days for threads to delete.

deleting threads & posts

@lonelyandsickFede

Apparently there are thousands of posts i've contributed to and apparently they cant all be deleted. So they will delete this diary and my posts to one or two other threads.

My heart hurts....

I don't know anything any more.

I wish i'd never been born.

more on Raven's Past

@lonelyandsickFede

there's a thread that just started today about child abuse...one with a list of possible forms of child abuse. I posted a few things there. They relate to the story of my past too...and may give you some more insight. Pretty clean and clear. (Those will probsbly still be there even after i'm gone.)

@lonelyandsickFede

You've been very kind to me Fede. I apologize if it got a bit awkward with your friends because of it.

Thank you!💝💝💝💝