I

So from an early age, I was subjected to emotional and physical abuse. And all of these people were men that my mother was involved in. My mother seemed to have a type. And as I became older, the early stages of my romantic relationships were patterned against this.

I met a man who was charming. And I thought he was perfect. Groomed me to shut out everyone but him. And made me feel as though I couldnt survive without him. The abuse started mentally. Then moved to a grab here. Then his hands moved to my neck. Then open handed hits. And choking me out until I passed out. Black eyes, swollen jaws, and bleeding wounds that still arent healed to this day. At first, I blamed myself. And thought I was the cause of all this pain. After a while, after finding strength to leave, I constantly would talk about the pain. To everyone. Thinking it would make me feel better. The beginning of the breakup, venting seemed to make me relive everything. When I met my husband, he was patient about it, but addressed the fact that I constantly brought up my abuse and my ex unconsciously. It made my realize that it still had an impact on my life in a negative way. And I needed to let go. Almost 3 years later, and I still have no proper way of processing those emotions. And I feel like I need someone to help me organize these thoughts. Only because now, I have a great man who only wants to see me better! This is way I joined this community.