I do not want to go to the police station
Hello,
I am not sure how to say this but tomorrow or in 18 hours I have to go to the police station and tell them things I really do not want to at all about sexual abuse stuff that happened. So either way I either hurt daddy or mommy, so that I think why I passed out on Monday when I tried to do the same thing because I had no idea what to do and then I just passed out. So in 18 hours more or less I have to decide who I am going to hurt and that is not nice. I know i should tell the truth but that means I never get to see daddy again but if I lie that mommy will get hurt. I am not sure. It feels like no matter what i say or do nothing is going to be better. So if nothing gets better then why do any thing. Now I have to go to bed so I can have bad dreams and wake up scared. Closer to having to go. Kind of want to pass out again and then maybe they would not make me go ago. I am just so scared and i really want to hide.
Amalie
Amalie,
I am so sorry for what you have to go through. I can hear the anguish as you don't want to hurt either of your parents - but it sounds like you are the one who has been hurt. I think you know in your heart what you have to say and the truth is usually best in the long run. However, you should not have to go through this alone. Is there a trusted friend or family member that is not so close to the situation that can go with you for support? If nothing else, there should be a social worker involved from the way you described the situation. I cry for your pain and I would be there if I could - so I hope someone will be able to hold your hand and help you to your next steps in life.
There are Listeners here who may be able to help you sort out your feelings. I wish you well in all of this.
@MusicCandy thank you. You do not need to cry for me. I do not really care at the moment about any hurt that has been done to me. I just want all of this gone. We have to be there at 1:30 this afternoon and its just gone past 8:30 so five hours. There are two things that I want to say but after that really, not sure what is going to happen. I did talk to one of the speakes well two, one last night and they were really kind and argh.. Can not wait for this be over.
@AmalieAnne
This is so sad. I'll be thinking about you. You are not at fault. You didn't deserve any of it. I hope somebody that loves you is there to hold your hand.
@Curtis Thank you. Suzanna is going with me and she is safe or good (?), she is my psychologist so maybe she will help answer any thing that I really do not want to. Mommy is going as well but she said she will wait outside the room and the social person but I do not know them.
Anne- Very sorry to hear you've been put in such a stressful situation. As I'm sure you realize... Lying isn't right. One would hope telling the Truth is the correct way to go. But I wish to point out that the Police hav their own agenda. They're primarily interested in gathering evidence to press charges, or otherwise intervene. They can be intimidating and even 'Lead' a witness (you) There IS a third option: If you feel pressured or not comfortable answering a specific question- you DON'T hav to. There is No Law that requires you answer. You have the Right to refuse. Of course they won't like that, but that's not your problem. You are not on Trial. I'm not suggesting or implying what you should do. Just want to make you aware of that option
Sincerely hope things ultimately turn out for the best. Take Care and try to remain strong
@ChromeLotus Thank you. I did not really get the agenda thing sorry. Still I know that I should not lie but I like the idea of just saying I do not want to answer that question or some thing like that. I think Suzanna will maybe say some things so I will just hide under her jumper or what ever she has on. If they use the r word then... I am not sure. Please do not let them say that word I hate it so much. I really do not want to do this. Four and half hours...
Anne- You'll get threw this. Sending some Positive support Vibes your way
One other thing I'd like to mention: When you're asked a question, it's ok to pause for a few moments to collect your thoughts, before answering
I went and Suzanna did most of the talking and I kind of hide behide her the best way I could. I do not really remember what happen though and I am not sure what will happen now. Still I hope that bit is over forever. Thank you to everyone that helped me *hugs*
Ame
@AmalieAnne Stay strong and good to see people reaching out and offering you support. Remember your important and people care. Your doing great, I know things can feel really tough sometimes, but your made of strong stuff :)
@dancingRainbow45 thank you *hugs*
I'm sorry you went through these traumatic family events. I'm glad that you were able to report them to the police, with your psychologist. Hope things are getting remedied for you, now. I have also been through traumatic events, and I reported them to the police. I can relate to what you are going through.
*hugs* to you
Hey, just checking in. How are you?
@BurningEmber think I am ok but it depends the day. I still just want daddy to come home and the fact this will never happen brings such sadness and frusrtation maybe even anger. It is let things will not stop and I am unsure how to make them.
@AmalieAnne
hugs you. Change like this can be very hard. :( I am sorry to hear that you're going through this. It is understandable that you would not feel well and be unsure about this. I hope as time goes by, it becomes easier to understand and therefore hurt you less.
@BurningEmber *hugs* I kind of what it to just stop but that will not happen
@AmalieAnne
-hugs - I know. I wish it would stop too. We are all here for you.
I am not sure where to put this and I can not tell mommy because it will make her sad. So forgive me and I know, I just know it can not happen.
It might take me a while before I am brave enough to post this but it has been 61 days, 2 hours and 48 minutes ago was the last time I saw daddy and I miss him so much. Add a few hours it was the last time we did the sexual abuse stuff. Some times in my head I agree that I no longer mind that stuff still happened then he would be here and may be I would be different. Not sure I know how to explain it but to me it makes sense. I know that he can not be here and I can not see him yet, I am kind of scared to ask when I can. Leaving what happen he was a lovely father, the best daddy. I can not really cry right now so I will not say more about him. my friends are all, i think the best word is closer with their moms but for me it was with daddy. i still love my mom so so much it is just.. well to many things. i do not want the sexual abuse things back but the rest i really do want and need....
............ i do not know what to do. ok am crying now and i can not do that right now. sorry if this in the wrong place not sure where i should have put it. just needed that to be out of my head.
I haven't been able to read through all of this yet, but I wanted to stop by and say I am a teen listener and am always open to PMs. I have experience with trauma and I know what you are going through right now is really scary <3 I am always here and no one ever ahs to be alone. We can climb this mountain together
