I feel like I just need to tell someone about this (trigger warning abuse)

So i know it happened a long time ago when i was still very little but I have a dad who was alcoholic at the time and he didnt really have much patience with me as a kid. I dont remember much from my childhood and idk if that is just a symptom of trauma but what i do remember is my dad getting into my face as a child and my head was pinned against the wall. He also hit me once when I was a child in the face when one of my best friends was over at my house. I dont talk about it this much in fear that no one will believe me and say that i deserved for that to happen to me.

im almost about to be an adult now and he went back into the habit of drinking behind my back (and lying to his doctor about his drinking). Whenever he drinks like today i feel very uncomfortable i dont know if its the way he touches me or the fact that i can barely understand anything he says when hes talking drunk with me. I hate this because everything he does this i cant help but shut down and all my motiviation to do anything goes completely away.... i dont understand why