I'm afraid of myself
My emotions change quickly at night.
Sometimes they are strong feelings of anger, and other times they are feelings of clinging to something, like a small child. Loneliness and sadness.
There are times when I feel like I'm being driven by greed, which I can't control. I don't even know where the feeling is coming from.
I'm afraid of people, and I'm afraid of myself.
Sometimes I don't know what kind of person I am.
At times like this, I feel sad because I want to be next to someone, but there is no one.
Hello. I find that my emotions change from day to night too. The person I am when I wake up, being around family and colleagues, is a lot different than the person I become lying in bed at night. It is only at nighttime, where I feel I'm being true to myself.
I've been betrayed by friends before, people whom I thought we could be best friends for life. Now, at 35, I have no friends whatsoever. I think I'm afraid of trusting someone fully, then end up being betrayed or abandoned. Yet, I long for a relationship. Whether that be friendship or a life partner. It also doesn't help that I'm a bit afraid of men in general, especially strangers and men with a certain tone of voice (childhood trauma that still haunts me to this day). Which makes me feel a lot of uncertainty in myself, always fighting with the thought, that I want to have a boyfriend/husband sometime in my life, and yet, I'm afraid of men?
Sorry if I'm not of much help here. I feel that we're somewhat on the same level of loneliness and sadness~
@saiheart05