Is this emotional abuse of am I overly sensitive?
I have been with my partner 13 years , I'm 28 and he is 30. We have 2 kids together. I've always known him as being grumpy and particular with things. To try cut a long story short over the past 2 years I've had this overwhelming feeling that I dont love him anymore . Upon these feelings I started questioning to myself why I let him away with a simple apology time and time again after speaking to me so awful. I'll state afew examples..
* questioning why I'm wearing makeup before a night out or asking who I'm trying to impress.
*silent treatment after nights out. Infact last time he didnt speak to me until.5pm and that was only because my mum appeared at the door.
*comments such as I'm 10 times smarter than you.
* he timed me driving home from the shop and then questioned why I was late.
These are only afew examples of many, some worse some silly little things but they all add up in my eyes.
I've spoke to him about this and he promises to change , said he doesnt mean to treat me this way and I genuinely believe him on that. I just think he cant help himself/nor does he even notice hes doing it.
This issue has came up various times over the years with me saying i hate the way you speak to me its not right etc. He will be sorry for afew days then resume normal grumpy behaviour. About 10 years ago we had a big talk like we were now, he was hysterical and promised to change. Clearly he hasnt as we we are again in the same predicament. When we spoke last night about it he said last time he knew I wasnt gona leave , that's why he wasnt as concerned. Supposedly this time is a major wake up call.
I'm so confused what to do, I feel gullible for believing him but I genuinely believe he wants to change, I just dont trust that he will...
Sorry that was way longer than I planned.
Claire
I would reduce it on just Dump him, but having the aggravant that you have already children with him, that will make things harder.
@Clairemcl901 hello claire! thank you for sharing your story with your partner on here today, that is very brave of you and we are proud you came here.
now the caption: is this emotional abuse? - to be honest, no one of us will unfortunately be able to tell you if it is emotional abuse as we have never lived a day in your shoes, especially not in your relationship, and do not have the right to judge the situation. However, no matter if it is or is not, you seem to clearly be really hurt and that s something you should not have to be in a relationship. It saddens me to hear how you describe you are being treated by him and you deserve to be treated with total respect and love.
As i mentioned before, neither I or anyone else on here should judge if the relationship is abusive or not, but i will give you some information about emotional abuse for yourself and then you can maybe find some answers by comparing it to your relationship.
This never ending circle of you asking him to change his behavior, him apologizing but then not changing could be a warning sign as this is very typical to abusive relationships.
here is also a little link about emotional abuse and its warning signs: click me!
I hope that this helped you a little bit in your times of confusion. We are here for you during this progress, no matter what you decide to do.
@Clairemcl901
Hi Claire. My heart goes out to you. I don't think anyone is entiteled to call another person as overly sensitive. You are fully entiteled to your feelings. They are all valid.
It doesn't seem like trust or respect are exhibited by your husband towards you, and those two are the pillars to a happy relationship. Nothing justifies being mean or cruel in anger. Anger is an emotion, it can be controlled. Nor is it acceptable for your partner to put you down. It really does leave little room for love. In fact its the small things (even though nothing that you mentioned is small at all) that are unaddressed that have the potential to ruin a relationship because they keep piling up and build resentment.
I don't know if you want to try couples therapy.
I've also learned that we need to love and respect ourselves enough in order to implement and stick to our boundaries. He crosses the line but gets away with it because he doesn't face consequences. I guess people are that way. We show them the treatment we accept/allow.
It's really hard to stick to your ultimatums because you have your children to care for, but I'm a strong believer that children are happier in a home where the parents are separated but happy, than in a household where the parents share an unhappy and toxic union. In the end, your kids will grow up and leave the nest and you will be left alone with an abusive man and many internal wounds to tend to. I think the earlier you get out, the better, the earlier and the faster you will heal and the better chance you will have at finding the man who truly deserves you.
I hope you choose you. Good luck.
Thank you for getting back to me , I really do appreciate the input. If anything I'm glad yous agree his treatment hasnt been right when issues like this occur.
I think I know what the right decision for myself and my kids is, it's just being brave enough to do it.
Claire
