It's not news: life isn't fair.
A lot of traumatizing things have happened since childhood up until now (26 years old), and I have been in therapy on and off for the past 8 years while trying a plethora of medication. I cannot say individual therapy has done very much good for me (I have had better results in group therapy). Frankly, talking about those events feels like being re-traumatized. Like the pain gets driven deeper into the core of my being. It feels as if talking about everything just reinforced, and was possibly the entire root of this victim mentality I have came to adapt and identify with. It also hurt me to sit there and watch their generic display of sympathy.
Over the course of many years, I have examined this very popular belief system that things happen for a reason. As time went on, I have came to realize that there is not some cosmic force that has any real structure. I have came to realize... telling ourselves that God has personalized plans for us in ways we may not necessarily understand is in the same realm of survival mechanism as people who close themselves off to emotion altogether.
I'm sorry if that doesn't make any sense.
What also doesn't make sense, is that there's this societal expectation for those who have encountered serious adversities in life to magically come out of the other side as this superior, improved version of their previous selves. If there's one thing we know about life, is that it isn't about being fair. Dare I say, is it fair to pressure anyone to not only survive a certain event (or a series of events) but to emerge as this stronger, more evolved human being?
Because really, it makes a lot of us feel like failures. It makes a lot of us feel like we suffer from some inherent character defect to not have extrapolated some inspirational, grand wisdom from being victims of some tremendously difficult things. It makes so many of us feel less-than. The suffering is enough without being compounded by this underlying expectation to showcase to ourselves and everyone else how wise and strong we are.
It really is.
@yibird23
Hi friend.
Thank you for writing.
No - I don't think "things happen for a reason". What about a child running out in the street and got hit by a car and die.
All the best from Helga.
@yibird23
I can empathize with items you wrote of .... while for some getting a story out may help for others reliving in therapy seems to cut deeper. ........ dwelling on pain often makes it worse as well..... i have found going over things a few times did not help but actually brought up more stress to see things i may have missed at first time around.
I also feel the idea of everyone being a rock and rise above is not realistic and puts too much pressure on those going through things.
Many who say "happens for a reason" do so to placate themselves........... not help others. and there is nothing worse then a generic display of sympathy ..... People can list items that helped them through dark and painful situations but you need to find what works for you.