Life and death.
Hiya, my first boyfriend stamped on my head and kicked my face in, at the worst point of the relationship. I refused to let myself love my second boyfriend. After 6 months, I told him "I love you" and then the day after my friend murdered him.
My third relationship was quite different.. I was very in love very open about my past and very invested in family, turning my life around and settling down. I had a little boy but unfortunately my partner wasn't ready for those things and it was a very abusive, controlling and heart breaking relationship.
I've been single for the last 6 years now and sorting my life out. For the last year and a half I've been looking for ahusband, which has been a very difficult process so far.
Although I'm ready to be married, talking to people about marriage isn't going to well so far. The first time I spoke to someone I was having fits at night, and finding it extremely difficult to function and see clearly and was experiencing all different emotions very strongly.The second time I couldn't sleep, couldnt stop thinking, again was very emotional and finding it difficult to function. I don't know if it's just subconsciously triggering trauma, wheather I'm talking to the wrong people, whether I'm just not ready yet or whether it's just a cocktail of all these things. I have learnt a lot about marriage and theoretically understand if very well but when I try to apply these things practically it goes horribly wrong.
There isn't really a question here but any advice, help or if anyone has anything to point out, would be appreciated.
Thanks
@sunnySkies3894
Oh my goodness, you've been through so much! I'm so sorry this happened to you. It makes sense that you would be quite apprehensive about new relationships, but what happened in terms of your second boyfriend is very rare and will very likely not happen again. It's great you still want to get married and move forward with your life but you would likely benefit from a therapist to help you get there. I wish you luck!
P.S - In future, you don't need to post the same thread in multiple areas. ☺
@SilentSerenityy hiya, I'm due to see a therapist in ten months but honestly I don't want to wait that long before I get married. If it turns out that that's what's best for me then there is nothing I can do but be accepting, patient and remind myself that I'm safe.
@sunnySkies3894 reminding yourself you're safe is the hardest part. One great thing you can do called a grounding technique. So when you are having a moment of insecurity or you just feel anxious, saying things to yourself that are true helps you "re balance" your thoughts. "Hiya, my name is blank and I enjoy doing blank. The day today is date. My birthday is blank and I am safe"
@sunnySkies3894
I'm sorry to hear you went through all this. It is definitely understandable that you are hesitant to get married, because you've been through so much. In saying this, you are very strong to share your story and I thank you for opening up. I hope talking about this helped a bit.
Take care, and I wish the best for you and yours.